Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The 6 weeks post partum elephant in the room.

Today I read an awesome post by Hobo Momma  titled Post Partum Sex vs Sex Before kids.  It's pretty self explanatory but you have to go read it. .. it's true it validates how most of us feel about sex post partum.. however do we really know it's most of us?  Maybe you are reading this and you read her post and you realize you were not or are not alone.  Maybe it's been a year since you've had your baby and you still feel this way!.. When it comes to Sex let me tell you... anything goes! The Normal spectrum is large.  Thing is.. most people don't talk about it.. I myself am surprised I have never mentioned it..

Don't worry I don't plan on divulging my sex life with you all, I am a pretty open person and I see Sex as a healthy natural biological function and need.. but the magic is in the intimacy.

I then read a post by food Good Laundry bad that made me laugh!  Because in a way I related to her.. and I related to Hobo Momma at the same time..

I wanted to reply in a comment but I figured I'd make it into a post.. and this are my adventures in Post partum Sex.. You know the 6 week Elephant in the room.. what you know you can have after the wait..

After having my first daughter  and getting the 6 week waiting period lecture I was too scared to try. I had no idea why I had to wait 6 weeks but they said wait and I was going to wait.. besides stuff down there for the first couple of weeks isn't so nice.. Lochia, soreness, not to mention bathroom woes..  No sir stay away!!  Last thing I am thinking of is having something go in while I worked so hard to get something out.. But then at around 4 weeks I had a mental turmoil..

On one hand I felt like the Madonna .
I had grown a baby inside of me and I felt so motherly, so saintly, so pure.. My body was that of my baby and no one else beware he who dare touch this body which belonged to my child.. to grow .. to  nourish (I was half assed Breastfeeding you can read more about it in my booby trapped post)

I felt like Sex was disgusting, dirty and not something I should be doing with my new found mother role..

Seriously I don't know why.. it felt this way but I did.

And on the other hand..

 I had fallen in love with my husband all over again..
He had been part or creating this child with me.. we both had made her.. With Sex..  Such a beautiful act of love had resulted in a perfect human being part of us.. We had created something with our love..

And man that was so sexy! I would look at him and wanted to attack him! (in a good way)  I wanted to feel close to him again.

Did someone say  Raging hormones??!!!

Also..  the fact that they told us we couldn't  made us feel like high schoolers.. Society says no but the hormones scream YES!  and  it got the best of us..

It was uncomfortable but with lots of patience and love it ended up being awesome.. and beautiful and fulfilling.

Then came Daughter number 2!!

Way different experience!  I had a nice homebirth with my second daughter and recovery was easy but certain things weren't working right..

First off there was Lochia for 4 weeks! YES! I felt like aunt Flo was overstaying her welcome because she had not been able to visit for 9 months..  Then there was nursing.. I was Exclusively breastfeeding which made me feel "touched out" add to that a 4 yr old,  my daytime kids.. exhaustion.. Weight gain, I just felt overall blah!

I think at 5 weeks we tried it out.. it took a while!  I am so glad that my hubby and I have such open communication, he knew I wasn't liking it he asked if we should stop I told him I wanted to like it.. and eventually I did..  but after that..  sex was scarce.. We were both usually tired and as I had explained before.. breastfeeding was making me feel touched out!

After baby started nursing less often and we got used to our life as a family of four things got better we seemed to be regaining our healthy sex life again and  by December/January (baby was 9 months) we were at it as if trying to make up for lost time..  It was awesome!! and thus here I am 11 weeks pregnant.. (conceived in January  haha!) Thanks a lot hormones!

We're happy of course.. and well.. let's see what post partum a third time is like... probably lame with a 5y old a 19 month old and a newborn.. but I'll tell you something...

I'm for sure getting an IUD this time around! That way when my body and mind are in tune with having sex again. I'll be able to enjoy it for longer haha..!

How have your experiences been like? was your partner understanding? Did you miss the connection?

Thank you Hobo Momma for opening up this dialogue!


  1. Maybe 3rd time's the charm?? I totally get you on the touched-out thing... I feel that way a lot too!

  2. So interesting to hear your thoughts and your two experiences so far! I totally get what you mean about seeing your husband in a whole new light. It's made me have something like a deeper connection with him, which extends sexually as well. Thanks for bringing that up!

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