and perhaps this is a piece of cake compared to what comes after this.. but this is my reality at the moment.
How can I be a gentle parent to a 5 yr old who has clear thoughts, likes and dislikes, strong feelings, and wit, not to mention an element of drama.
Behold subject in case .....my 5 yr old.
And with that comes, dramatic, neurotic, OCD, PERSNICKETY! (describes her to a t!) did I mention dramatic? And boy can she hurt my feelings ...
Today for example while walking to drop of my daytime kid at his bus stop I was making conversation with her..
Me: How do you want me to fix your hair today?
Me: Hey! How do you want me to fix your hair today, braids, pony tail, side pony tail?
Me: Why wont you answer me?
DD#1: Because I don't feel like talking to you..
Me: Why?..Are you mad at me?
DD#1: (returns to being silent)
Me: Ok.. if you're upset let me know why... I don't think I made you upset today..
DD#1: Be quiet! I just don't want to talk to you!
Part of me... got really sad and hurt and part of me got VERY enraged! I yelled.. I yelled mean things.. (and now I'm crying) I told her back in my days I would have gotten a smack in the face for talking to my mother like that and that she should appreciate that I don't do that.. I asked why she was being a brat.. I told her if she wanted to be a brat she could look for a new family... (WHOA WHERE DID ALL THAT COME FROM!) The words just flowed.. from a dark place in me.. it is not the first time either.. I am trying to be gentle I have been all of her 5 years up until recently... when she started being defiant, mean, hurtful.
It is difficult to pause and analyze the situation when the ones throwing curve balls are them!
There are many things wrong with that I did I know that first of all telling her she was lucky I didn't smack her.. why do I need acknowledgement? She shouldn't even know that smacking your kids is an option for anyone..because it shouldn't be.. I said mean hurtful things.
I apologized when she started crying because I was being mean... I reminded myself of my father.. mentally abusive.. bringing us down, humiliating us and hurting our self esteem only to apologize later and try to buy our affection back with food. (another blog) Things are not as severe as how he was but I see some of him in me... and I don't like it.
How can I stop myself from the urge to yell, to hurt back?
How can I stop from seeing her as defiant and someone who needs to obey?
I know she has a mind of her own.. and I want her to be respectful.. but I need to teach respect with respect.
I have read many blogs and articles about peaceful parenting but most come from people with children under 3 or 4.. all I can say is piece of cake! I want to know what happens at 5-9-11-13--16!
How do I save my children from this cycle I come from?
How do I breathe and teach them to be gentle themselves?
Don't get me wrong there is more good than bad... but sometimes.. it just gets out of control..
Any Suggestions from moms with older children?
A very sad confused momma...
|Back when everything was less complicated.|