I started going to an OB/GYN right away, I wanted to go to the clinic I went to when I was pregnant with DD#1 because the CNM there was so awesome, when I transferred to the birthing center at 20 weeks which is their standard, I was very sad to not get seen by her anymore, I was not able to do so this time as the insurance I have is not taken by them, I was not sure what my next move would be, I ended up going to one at a local hospital he was a nice man, but at around 20 weeks he started talking about the birth and I said... Oh no I am not giving birth in this hospital at some point I'm transferring to the care of a midwife. He was very supportive.
I was fiddling on the idea of contacting the birthing center as trying to look for a midwife was overwhelming and I was still not sure if I wanted to give birth at home. I went to their site and looked at the new stuff and there she was!!! Her beautiful motherly smile, her earthy and peaceful look, I read her bio and noticed she was not there full time that she also did home births and I immediately though well.. if she does home births then I'm in! I googled her name and her website came up The dancing Midwife. I contacted her and was able to reach her immediately! She Vaguely remembered me, we set up an appointment and she remembered! She got to see our first daughter as as a 3 yr old, last time she had seen her she was a newborn. We were in!
Appointments with her were pleasant, one hour sessions of measuring, listening to the baby and then talking about our hopes, fears past experiences.. she was more than a midwife she was our therapist! So time went on and March rolled around pretty quickly.. She introduced me to who would be the second midwife N.M I instantly liked her she had a calm earthy presence like hers.. they would both help me bring this baby gently into the world.
March came pretty fast ..We we at our EDD I think , 17th and then just our luck! B.R our midwife, had to be hospitalized for her appendix, it had burst and had to be removed and they had to keep her.. I was once wanting this baby out now I wanted her IN! I was hoping she would be released before I went into labor but our amazing midwife ON her hospital bed, arranged for N.M and another midwife D.B to meet with me and have a plan just in case. Everything had to be done fast as I was "due".
We waited around and I took baths and I would get antsy but I also wanted B.R there...
On March 19th 2010 I got awoken with some cramping, I could not get back to bed as they were bothering me.. I paced around, timed them.. they were not regular.. I tried going back to bed but at 5am they became so uncomfortable that I woke up my husband and told him he needed to keep me company, I was hungry so I ate a pb&J and some soy milk and then at 5:30 I was convinced it was it.. they were constant little waves 5 minutes apart so I called..
They had breakfast thanks to my mother in law as I totally did not even think about it.. oOOps they have to eat! lol.. She brewed coffee and then we waited... and waited.... and waited.... They would suggest walking, but I didn't I was tired, At one point I got so annoyed I told them that I felt like they were watching water boil and it was putting me in a horrible mood.. WHY WAS THIS BABY TAKING FOREVER!! So the one that lived closest went home and the other went for a stroll at the beach. I ate some lunch, and then tried sleeping as I was tired..I would drift off then felt a wave... drift off felt a wave....
I think at around 10 who knows time is the least of your worries then, It started getting very intense.. and then the transition..
It hurt yes.. but to be honest it is not the pain.. it is the fear! Your adrenaline gets to you and you feel like you can't! and you say it "I can't I can't" then I though what the fuck did I get myself into!! I wonder if I call 911 they can give me something... but then I tough they'd be stupid stupid woman.. trying to give birth at home.. (seriously amongst all my whining I was thinking that) I bit my partner's arm, I pooped.. pooped a lot! I cursed.. I cried like a baby.. To be a midwife requires so much patience, A transitioning woman sometimes I imagine could be like taking care of your annoying drunken buddy...
I had not eaten for a while and needed to eat, I refused like a baby, then one of them gave me honey.. a big spoonful of natural honey.. I don't know if it was that but I felt a sudden breeze, it made me Wake up!
I asked for more.. I composed myself and I literally said "ok I am ready to do this, but can I please take a shower I am hot and sweaty " "If I can just get in the shower I can do this" boy did my body know!
I painfully walked the 30 steps it must have taken me to get in the shower, The water felt sooo good... It was so relaxing, and I cleaned myself down there and I felt down and I felt her drop! and I felt a bulge..
Then something primal happened, something took over, and I was like I am ready, she's right there I am ready can I have her here! They said sure! Instantly the rushes took over and I let them take over.. wave after wave urging me to push.. The way I ended up was on all fours holding on to a little stool, my chest to the floor in sort of a cat like position.. I was facing the midwives away.. So they said get your swim trunks daddy you're gonna have to go in there.. I pushed one DAMN Good push may I say I Screamed and the scream felt like some tiger lady took over like I was a warrior and that was my war scream.. I for sure thought that got her out but I did not I made her crown and then I thought to myself.. aaahh so this is that damn ring of fire.. meh the water was hitting me nicely there and it was starting to get cold to it felt soo good! I thought to myself I will be damned if I don't get her out by the second push.. and I let out another scream and I pushed and out she came!
That moment felt so good! It really is like you're trying to poop and then you finally do and you feel relief haha! and then the sweet endorphins kicked in and I couldn't believe it and my husband was crying and we were like we did it!! and then they told him you just delivered your baby! Nobody delivered our baby and no one saw her coming out, Daddy caught her, daddy helped me, the first arms she was held by were his and then mine..
I then laid down out of the shower and baby started rooting for the breast and she immediately nursed (That chunker) and than in turn, helped me deliver the placenta immediately. So I stayed stationary for a while.
All I know is that it was the best thing I have done on my life.. When I talk about it, it isn't to brag, it isn't to tell you my birth was better if you chose something else.. it is to share how awesome birth can be and how wonderful it can make you feel and how much stronger you come out of it...
We again had problems with nursing but I will explain on a second part..
Discovering my inner crunch...