So how did I do on Code Name Mama's March of kindness?? I didn't post about it all month.. but I was wondering of a way to post without going look at me! look at what I did!! I don't think that way about other people.. I don't.. If I see someone posting about their deeds I'm like woo hoo! But I am so critical of myself often that when it comes to me I think that way.. Like shussh Tanya no one wants to hear how wonderful you are haha.. I sometimes do refer to myself in the third person so what though.
Anyway.. How did I do? I'm going to be honest when it came to reminding myself to be kind, to do random things.. I FAILED! yup! I failed...
I never really remembered to make a note of what I was doing, and I never really made a list of what I wanted to get done.
I suck right? well... not quite...
See Today, as I kicked my butt for not following through so I could have something decent to post I realized WTF! I AM SO KIND! I am! everyday I am! I just don't think about it, and I think it was difficult for me to think about it or make a note of it because though hard to believe for someone who is just judging me by my ramblings.. I am freaking nice! It's in my nature.. it comes so naturally to me that I don't think about it and thinking about it hurt my brain.. it's like telling someone to remember to breathe... WAIT! before you roll your eyes.. I'm no Mother Teresa.. I've been known to curse at other drivers, flip the bird at bank tellers who are mean, etc.. but that's what they're not good natured to begin with..
See I'm the kind of person who doesn't just complain about bad customer service, I actually go seek out a supervisor when someone is super awesome and I let them know! I open doors pick up dropped stuff.. return money to its owners.. help friends in need.. I'll take the shirt of my back even if it's got holes in it.
When it came to my family, I didn't think I was necessarily as kind but you know what.. I freaking ROCK!
I take care of my house
I take care of my kids
I take care of other people's kids
I breastfeed when the chubster demands it even though I don't feel like it half the time
I co-sleep and bed share
I research the best options for my kids
I never take a sick day (daytime kids) as a matter of fact I was working the day after giving birth
I tell my hubby I love him everyday (he does the same )
I handle the finances
I make all the annoying phone calls even though I hate it! (banks, cable etc)
I plan parties, get togethers, outings with the grandma
You get the picture... stuff that we all do and take for granted and others take for granted because it is expected of us because that's what a mom does.. but you know what??
Not everyone is like that.. There's sadly plenty of moms and dads who say they want kids yet the minute they have them they're a nuisance to them. There are moms who are never home, who don't play with their kids.. who don't tell their spouses they love them..
So with this I learned something... We all need to be kind to OURSELVES once in a while and remember how much we rock!
As for out the ordinary random acts.. this month I did manage to give up my closet so that my 5 year old could fit a twin bed in our small room and have a special nook for herself..
I took care of one of my daytime kids over the weekend so his mom could be in her best friend's wedding sans kid.,
I donated to Japan's disaster victims via the American red cross
I bought 2 whole network bracelets..
I donated to a friend's son's trike-a-thon benefiting St Jude's
and now I feel like I'm going yaay me.. it feels weird but you know what.. yaay me! and especially YAAY YOU!! you all rock!!!
It's cool to be kind!
Ramblings of a semi goth/punk, out of the ordinary and often crazy Latina mom refusing to be mainstream, change starts with parenting the next generation ;)
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
When did the world become so dangerous?
I grew up being a latchkey kid.. at the age of 5 I was taking care of my newborn brother all by myself.. (shocking I know!) We lived in Mexico, my dad worked across the street and the neighbor would check on us every hour or so.. I knew how to make a bottle of formula and my dad would come home on his breaks to cook me dinner.. this continued for most of our lives.. Something I could NEVER picture my 5 year old doing EVER! I was even home alone during the Mexico Earthquake September 1985, IT was not near the epicentre but we still felt it.. and I knew to grab my little brother (then 6 months old) and take him with me and sit under the table. The neighbor then came and took us with her while we waited for my mom to come home (I have no clue where my dad was) I have such vivid memories of that day.
At the age of 6 I was in first grade, I was in the afternoon school it was 12 to 5pm I remember one day all the kids were being picked up except for me.. I had no idea where my parents were and so after waiting for so long I decided to walk home.. The school was only half a mile from my home and I was tired of being alone at the school waiting. (School's over there are not as strict with student safety so no one knew what was happening) I walked home only had to cross one street and no one was there... I waited in front of my house and no one came so I walked back tot he school and it's a good think because It was getting dark, I found my dad, apparently since I didn't sit in one place we kept missing each other.. (my dad was 25 around that time... my mom 29 I have no idea what the heck they were thinking)
At the age of 7 I was able to walk to and from school and at the age of 8 my 4 yr old brother and I used to walk a couple of blocks to the store .. by the age of 11 my brother was 7 we used to go get lost! We used to ride out bikes around the neighborhood and get into all sorts of adventures! All we had to do was come home at a certain time, after that either we had to eat dinner, do homework or depending on the season and amount of daylight we could go disappear for another couple of hours! Those were the days!
We never thought it was odd or weird, the world wasn't scary, we knew how to cross streets, we knew not to get near strangers and most of the neighborhood knew us.. If something happened we could even go to the nearest store and they'd help us since they were all mom and pop shops.
Funny thing is.. my parents were always so anti sleep overs!! that was one thing that freaked them out! They would let us our into the world but we couldn't sleep over a friend's house because they were worried about us getting molested or corrupted by the parents and they didn't want to bother getting to know them either.. my dad was very antisocial and my mom was forced to do the same since he was a jealous person. My dad's mentality to this day is an enigma to me..
Anyway fast forward to me having my own kids..
The world scares me!!!!!
I could never leave my 5 year old to care for her sister.. I don't think she would even know what to do! I cannot imagine her walking home to and from school alone, ever! When you see the news about missing children.. it's always the kids walking alone! Though I know most people that harm children are people the children know..
I want to cover my daughters in a bubble forever but then again I don't want them to grow up naive, sheltered, scared! I am sure there is a balance somewhere... and I have to slowly learn to let go more and more..
Remember the lady that turned into a debate not that long ago for letting her 9yr old ride the subway alone? She has a site Freerangekids A lot of what she says makes sense.. .
"Not that facts make any difference. Somehow, a whole lot of parents are just convinced that nothing outside the home is safe. At the same time, they’re also convinced that their children are helpless to fend for themselves. While most of these parents walked to school as kids, or hiked the woods — or even took public transportation — they can’t imagine their own offspring doing the same thing."
YEP THAT'D BE ME
As my child gets older.. I start wondering about these things.. what kind of a childhood am I going to give her.. a sheltered caged one or a free range one... Sure there is a balance.. but finding it is going to be one heck of an adventure..
What do you think about the subject? Did you used to wonder off far from home too? Would you let your children? Have you even thought about this yet? I'd love to hear your opinions.. especially from those with older children.. Do you let them be kids?
At the age of 6 I was in first grade, I was in the afternoon school it was 12 to 5pm I remember one day all the kids were being picked up except for me.. I had no idea where my parents were and so after waiting for so long I decided to walk home.. The school was only half a mile from my home and I was tired of being alone at the school waiting. (School's over there are not as strict with student safety so no one knew what was happening) I walked home only had to cross one street and no one was there... I waited in front of my house and no one came so I walked back tot he school and it's a good think because It was getting dark, I found my dad, apparently since I didn't sit in one place we kept missing each other.. (my dad was 25 around that time... my mom 29 I have no idea what the heck they were thinking)
At the age of 7 I was able to walk to and from school and at the age of 8 my 4 yr old brother and I used to walk a couple of blocks to the store .. by the age of 11 my brother was 7 we used to go get lost! We used to ride out bikes around the neighborhood and get into all sorts of adventures! All we had to do was come home at a certain time, after that either we had to eat dinner, do homework or depending on the season and amount of daylight we could go disappear for another couple of hours! Those were the days!
We never thought it was odd or weird, the world wasn't scary, we knew how to cross streets, we knew not to get near strangers and most of the neighborhood knew us.. If something happened we could even go to the nearest store and they'd help us since they were all mom and pop shops.
Funny thing is.. my parents were always so anti sleep overs!! that was one thing that freaked them out! They would let us our into the world but we couldn't sleep over a friend's house because they were worried about us getting molested or corrupted by the parents and they didn't want to bother getting to know them either.. my dad was very antisocial and my mom was forced to do the same since he was a jealous person. My dad's mentality to this day is an enigma to me..
Anyway fast forward to me having my own kids..
The world scares me!!!!!
I could never leave my 5 year old to care for her sister.. I don't think she would even know what to do! I cannot imagine her walking home to and from school alone, ever! When you see the news about missing children.. it's always the kids walking alone! Though I know most people that harm children are people the children know..
I want to cover my daughters in a bubble forever but then again I don't want them to grow up naive, sheltered, scared! I am sure there is a balance somewhere... and I have to slowly learn to let go more and more..
Remember the lady that turned into a debate not that long ago for letting her 9yr old ride the subway alone? She has a site Freerangekids A lot of what she says makes sense.. .
"Not that facts make any difference. Somehow, a whole lot of parents are just convinced that nothing outside the home is safe. At the same time, they’re also convinced that their children are helpless to fend for themselves. While most of these parents walked to school as kids, or hiked the woods — or even took public transportation — they can’t imagine their own offspring doing the same thing."
YEP THAT'D BE ME
As my child gets older.. I start wondering about these things.. what kind of a childhood am I going to give her.. a sheltered caged one or a free range one... Sure there is a balance.. but finding it is going to be one heck of an adventure..
What do you think about the subject? Did you used to wonder off far from home too? Would you let your children? Have you even thought about this yet? I'd love to hear your opinions.. especially from those with older children.. Do you let them be kids?
Sincerily,
One Scaredy Cat Momma!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
The 6 weeks post partum elephant in the room.
Today I read an awesome post by Hobo Momma titled Post Partum Sex vs Sex Before kids. It's pretty self explanatory but you have to go read it. .. it's true it validates how most of us feel about sex post partum.. however do we really know it's most of us? Maybe you are reading this and you read her post and you realize you were not or are not alone. Maybe it's been a year since you've had your baby and you still feel this way!.. When it comes to Sex let me tell you... anything goes! The Normal spectrum is large. Thing is.. most people don't talk about it.. I myself am surprised I have never mentioned it..
Don't worry I don't plan on divulging my sex life with you all, I am a pretty open person and I see Sex as a healthy natural biological function and need.. but the magic is in the intimacy.
I then read a post by food Good Laundry bad that made me laugh! Because in a way I related to her.. and I related to Hobo Momma at the same time..
I wanted to reply in a comment but I figured I'd make it into a post.. and this are my adventures in Post partum Sex.. You know the 6 week Elephant in the room.. what you know you can have after the wait..
After having my first daughter and getting the 6 week waiting period lecture I was too scared to try. I had no idea why I had to wait 6 weeks but they said wait and I was going to wait.. besides stuff down there for the first couple of weeks isn't so nice.. Lochia, soreness, not to mention bathroom woes.. No sir stay away!! Last thing I am thinking of is having something go in while I worked so hard to get something out.. But then at around 4 weeks I had a mental turmoil..
On one hand I felt like the Madonna .
I had grown a baby inside of me and I felt so motherly, so saintly, so pure.. My body was that of my baby and no one else beware he who dare touch this body which belonged to my child.. to grow .. to nourish (I was half assed Breastfeeding you can read more about it in my booby trapped post)
I felt like Sex was disgusting, dirty and not something I should be doing with my new found mother role..
Seriously I don't know why.. it felt this way but I did.
And on the other hand..
I had fallen in love with my husband all over again..
He had been part or creating this child with me.. we both had made her.. With Sex.. Such a beautiful act of love had resulted in a perfect human being part of us.. We had created something with our love..
And man that was so sexy! I would look at him and wanted to attack him! (in a good way) I wanted to feel close to him again.
Did someone say Raging hormones??!!!
Also.. the fact that they told us we couldn't made us feel like high schoolers.. Society says no but the hormones scream YES! and it got the best of us..
It was uncomfortable but with lots of patience and love it ended up being awesome.. and beautiful and fulfilling.
Then came Daughter number 2!!
Way different experience! I had a nice homebirth with my second daughter and recovery was easy but certain things weren't working right..
First off there was Lochia for 4 weeks! YES! I felt like aunt Flo was overstaying her welcome because she had not been able to visit for 9 months.. Then there was nursing.. I was Exclusively breastfeeding which made me feel "touched out" add to that a 4 yr old, my daytime kids.. exhaustion.. Weight gain, I just felt overall blah!
I think at 5 weeks we tried it out.. it took a while! I am so glad that my hubby and I have such open communication, he knew I wasn't liking it he asked if we should stop I told him I wanted to like it.. and eventually I did.. but after that.. sex was scarce.. We were both usually tired and as I had explained before.. breastfeeding was making me feel touched out!
After baby started nursing less often and we got used to our life as a family of four things got better we seemed to be regaining our healthy sex life again and by December/January (baby was 9 months) we were at it as if trying to make up for lost time.. It was awesome!! and thus here I am 11 weeks pregnant.. (conceived in January haha!) Thanks a lot hormones!
We're happy of course.. and well.. let's see what post partum a third time is like... probably lame with a 5y old a 19 month old and a newborn.. but I'll tell you something...
I'm for sure getting an IUD this time around! That way when my body and mind are in tune with having sex again. I'll be able to enjoy it for longer haha..!
How have your experiences been like? was your partner understanding? Did you miss the connection?
Thank you Hobo Momma for opening up this dialogue!
Don't worry I don't plan on divulging my sex life with you all, I am a pretty open person and I see Sex as a healthy natural biological function and need.. but the magic is in the intimacy.
I then read a post by food Good Laundry bad that made me laugh! Because in a way I related to her.. and I related to Hobo Momma at the same time..
I wanted to reply in a comment but I figured I'd make it into a post.. and this are my adventures in Post partum Sex.. You know the 6 week Elephant in the room.. what you know you can have after the wait..
After having my first daughter and getting the 6 week waiting period lecture I was too scared to try. I had no idea why I had to wait 6 weeks but they said wait and I was going to wait.. besides stuff down there for the first couple of weeks isn't so nice.. Lochia, soreness, not to mention bathroom woes.. No sir stay away!! Last thing I am thinking of is having something go in while I worked so hard to get something out.. But then at around 4 weeks I had a mental turmoil..
On one hand I felt like the Madonna .
I had grown a baby inside of me and I felt so motherly, so saintly, so pure.. My body was that of my baby and no one else beware he who dare touch this body which belonged to my child.. to grow .. to nourish (I was half assed Breastfeeding you can read more about it in my booby trapped post)
I felt like Sex was disgusting, dirty and not something I should be doing with my new found mother role..
Seriously I don't know why.. it felt this way but I did.
And on the other hand..
I had fallen in love with my husband all over again..
He had been part or creating this child with me.. we both had made her.. With Sex.. Such a beautiful act of love had resulted in a perfect human being part of us.. We had created something with our love..
And man that was so sexy! I would look at him and wanted to attack him! (in a good way) I wanted to feel close to him again.
Did someone say Raging hormones??!!!
Also.. the fact that they told us we couldn't made us feel like high schoolers.. Society says no but the hormones scream YES! and it got the best of us..
It was uncomfortable but with lots of patience and love it ended up being awesome.. and beautiful and fulfilling.
Then came Daughter number 2!!
Way different experience! I had a nice homebirth with my second daughter and recovery was easy but certain things weren't working right..
First off there was Lochia for 4 weeks! YES! I felt like aunt Flo was overstaying her welcome because she had not been able to visit for 9 months.. Then there was nursing.. I was Exclusively breastfeeding which made me feel "touched out" add to that a 4 yr old, my daytime kids.. exhaustion.. Weight gain, I just felt overall blah!
I think at 5 weeks we tried it out.. it took a while! I am so glad that my hubby and I have such open communication, he knew I wasn't liking it he asked if we should stop I told him I wanted to like it.. and eventually I did.. but after that.. sex was scarce.. We were both usually tired and as I had explained before.. breastfeeding was making me feel touched out!
After baby started nursing less often and we got used to our life as a family of four things got better we seemed to be regaining our healthy sex life again and by December/January (baby was 9 months) we were at it as if trying to make up for lost time.. It was awesome!! and thus here I am 11 weeks pregnant.. (conceived in January haha!) Thanks a lot hormones!
We're happy of course.. and well.. let's see what post partum a third time is like... probably lame with a 5y old a 19 month old and a newborn.. but I'll tell you something...
I'm for sure getting an IUD this time around! That way when my body and mind are in tune with having sex again. I'll be able to enjoy it for longer haha..!
How have your experiences been like? was your partner understanding? Did you miss the connection?
Thank you Hobo Momma for opening up this dialogue!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Playground Misfit.
Yesterday we Ventured to the Library and the playground, something we like to do once in a while.. The image above is the actual playground. The Playground isn't in our city it is on an man made island nearby, In a "wealthy" part of town. All sorts of people go there though.. and I kinda like the playground set up it is much nicer than the ones by our house. I sat down to nurse my 1 yr old while my 5 yr old played with daddy,.
Every time I got to the playground I feel odd though.. I get a million thoughts in my head
Is this my life?
How old am I?
Am I like THAT parent?
Is that lady the mom or the nanny?
OH for pete's sake would it hurt that lady to let her kid get dirty?
I wonder how many of the newborns here are on formula..
I wonder if all these kids are happy beyond the playground..
I wonder if anyone here is AP or somewhat crunchy..
I wonder if they think I'm weird..
I wonder if they'll say something if I start breastfeeding right now..
I wonder why I wonder so much..
Then I start thinking about how much older the Caucasian parents are than us.. they all seem to be in their mid 40's too young to be grandparents (not impossible but I'd imagine not seen as often in the upper class?) And I think about how having children at that age has its advantages financially and patience-wise but on the other hand they all seem to be sitting down watching the kids play or reading a book/on the phone while people like my husband interact..
The Nursling gets done with her business.. I get up and push my daughter in the swing while hubby puts the baby in another swing and I soon forget about the other parents :)
Moral of the story...
In the end.. worrying about what others do or don't do can make you miss out on what is really important, the people close to you, your family. It is when you focus on your family that the weight of the world seems so much more lighter.. I realize then why family is so important and why we were designed to crave family (in one way or another and different manifestations) .. when all gets to be too much.. they are your safe place, somewhere where you always belong and you never feel like a misfit.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sharing a bed with my baby is an informed choice.
I am sick and tired of being put on the side of the ignorant coin when it comes to co-sleeping/bed sharing whatever it is you call it these days if you are into technicalities..
You increase SIDS, You could suffocate your baby, The dangers are too many!, Research says it is dangerous, and my favorite.. "I know someone whose baby died, from bed sharing" or "I know someone who knows someone whose baby died from bed sharing" It happens so often I almost always want to beat them to the punch and ask "Let me guess.. you know someone affected right?" I am sorry but I am a little sceptical of it most times.. how convenient that that is always the "winning argument" . . After all who could argue with someones grief, immediately the person shuts down if you ask them the circumstances, where safety guidelines used? Was the parent intoxicated? Did the person know they were a heavy sleeper? Did the baby just stop breathing? (Something that would be considered SIDS in a crib yet blamed on bed sharing if it happens in the parent bed how biased is that?)
I want to tell the parents who are shocked about co-sleeping.. and see it as neglectful..
The majority of us breastfeed, babywear, research what we do and put into our children, we get the best car seats, go by the safest guidelines.. and you think if we choose to share a bed with our baby that we do it because we're dumb or ignorant? Nope.. we do it because we researched it.. because it works for us because we practice it safely.
When you see the Infant death Numbers resulting in bed sharing you are not seeing the whole story.
There is a term experts call "Chaotic bed-sharing" which is used to describe people who bed share not by informed choice but because
A) They cannot afford a crib
B) They do not have the living space/correct arrangements
C) They accidentally fall asleep with baby these are not people who regularly bed share.. parent could be intoxicated and fallen asleep with baby.. (Sadly some people do live like that)
When you see charts and studies this is what you see
CPSC Warns Against Placing Babies in Adult Beds; Study finds 64 deaths each year from suffocation and strangulation
now it doesn't tell you the circumstances.. if it was chaotic bed sharing or informed bed sharing.. if proper guidelines where practiced or not.. if the parent was intoxicated.. etc.. it just says babies died and we immediately flip.
Doesn't it seem fishy to you that the Consumer Product Safety commission would be issuing such statements? I mean are they saying beds are unsafe? No they're telling you the safest place is your crib.. the things they are there to regulate.
The United States Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is an independent agency of the United States Government created in 1972 through the Consumer Product Safety Act States Government to protect "against unreasonable risks of injuries associated with consumer products.
The CPSC has the authority to regulate the sale and manufacture of more than 15,000 different consumer products, from cribs to all-terrain vehicles, and from barbecue grills to swimming pools. *wikipedia
They have the authority to regulate the sale and manufacture of cribs..
The same people who approved cribs that are now motioned to be made illegal.. the same cribs who have killed babies.
Why have they not gone to the extremes of telling you all cribs are unsafe? Of course they pinpointed drop side cribs and detailed how the accidents happened but they don't do the same with co-sleeping research.
Let me get back on the ball here.. and I this is not about which method is better if your baby in on a crib it's your choice nothing wrong with that.. whatever works for you in this case.. just like bed sharing is my choice. Especially because it has helped me a great deal with breastfeeding, I don't know if I would have made it this year breastfeeding if I had to get up to sit down and breastfeed everytime she woke up.
I cannot say Co-sleeping is 100% safe.. I would be lying but you cannot say
Sleeping in a crib is 100% safe because.. given the recent news.. you would be lying too!
When we make an informed choice on bed sharing, we know to take precautions we know if we are capable or not.. I know someone who would have loved to co-sleep but she knew she is a heavy sleeper so bed sharing for her would be too risky. I also know of people who would have loved to as well but their husbands are the heavy sleepers or they use a CPAP Machine.. it's all about weighing your options and making an informed choice.
When my instincts told me to share a bed with my baby, I made sure to follow the guidelines and be safe about it.. I also rouse very easily something that is mentioned in a sleep study done by Dr. James McKenna
"Anthropological and developmental studies suggest that mothers and infants are designed to respond to the presence of the other, and no data have ever shown that among mother-baby pairs who co sleep for breast feeding in a safe cosleeping/bed-sharing environment that mothers are unable to sense the proximity of their babies in order to avoid smothering them. Our own laboratory sleep studies of co sleeping/bed-sharing mothers infant pairs (2 to 4 month olds) reveal that both breast feeding mothers and their infants are extremely sensitive throughout their night - across all sleep stages - to the movements and physical condition of the other. The healthy infant, which includes most infants, are able to detect instances, where for example, their air passages are blocked. They can respond very effectively to alert the mother to potential danger, and they have the physical skills to maneuver out of danger, under normal circumstances. That being said, modern societies and the objects on which we sleep and the social and physical conditions within which bed-sharing can and often does occur especially among the urban poor forces professionals to be very guarded when discussing bed-sharing and/or co sleeping. The truth is that there is no one outcome (good or bad) that can be associated with co sleeping in the form of "bed-sharing, but rather a range of outcomes (from potentially beneficial to dangerous and risky) depending on the overall circumstances within which the co sleeping takes place. " READ MORE HERE....
Here's a Co-sleeping Fact sheet on "The Baby Bond" I wish the facts would be a bit more updated but they put things into perspective nonetheless
Number of U.S. births year 2000: 4,058,814
Total infant deaths year 2000: 28,411
Age birth to 1 year. (6.9 per thousand)
Number SIDS deaths year 2000: 2,523
Defined as death with unexplained cause, birth to 1 year.
Total suffocation deaths year 2000: 1,000
Number of crib-related "accidents"/yr: 50
Number of playpen-related deaths/yr: 16
Number deaths/yr attributed to overlying: 19 Most are only "suspected."
Number of babies (0-2) dying in night fires/yr: 230 Many of which may have been retrievable if next to parent, not in another room of home. This is true for abductions and other night dangers as well.
Number of deaths/yr in adult beds reported as entrapment/suffocation between bed and wall, headboard, or other furniture, on water bed, in headboard railings, or tangled in bedding: 18 With side-rail: 1 That's 19 of the 60.
Number of deaths/yr reported as suffocation of unknown cause in adult bed: 13 These would be SIDS if in a crib. Remember, these do not necessarily involve co sleeping.
Number of deaths/yr in adult beds from prone sleeping: 5 Again, these are considered SIDS in cribs, and they are preventable in adult beds, as in cribs.
4/yr died not from falling out of adult bed, but from suffocating (pile of clothes, plastic bag) or other danger (such as drowning) after falling out.
13% of U.S. infants are routinely co sleeping with nearly 50% sharing bed for part of the nights. National Institute of Child Health and Human Development 2000 Survey,
Number of U.S. infant lives that could be saved per year by exclusive/extended breastfeeding: 9,000 Exclusive/extended breastfeeding cuts SIDS risk and cuts overall infant death risk in half.
And My favorite reason to bed share?? this..
Kate Evans - The food of love
Again this is not a "bed sharing is better than crib sleep" post.. I just want to say.. I bed share.. I am aware of the "risks" I am informed and I know what I am doing. But just like I take precautions with bed sharing, if you use a crib, please take precautions as well... nothing is certain and nothing is 100% safe.
If you don't like the idea of bed sharing, maybe try the crib in your room.. I know with my first daughter.. I decorated this beautiful elaborate nursery only to not use it.. She slept in a crib but my instincts still told me to keep her nearby... I felt safer that way..
Either way.. know that my choice is not one done lightly.. I did what was right for us.
![]() |
| Sleeping in while momma was up! |
You increase SIDS, You could suffocate your baby, The dangers are too many!, Research says it is dangerous, and my favorite.. "I know someone whose baby died, from bed sharing" or "I know someone who knows someone whose baby died from bed sharing" It happens so often I almost always want to beat them to the punch and ask "Let me guess.. you know someone affected right?" I am sorry but I am a little sceptical of it most times.. how convenient that that is always the "winning argument" . . After all who could argue with someones grief, immediately the person shuts down if you ask them the circumstances, where safety guidelines used? Was the parent intoxicated? Did the person know they were a heavy sleeper? Did the baby just stop breathing? (Something that would be considered SIDS in a crib yet blamed on bed sharing if it happens in the parent bed how biased is that?)
I want to tell the parents who are shocked about co-sleeping.. and see it as neglectful..
The majority of us breastfeed, babywear, research what we do and put into our children, we get the best car seats, go by the safest guidelines.. and you think if we choose to share a bed with our baby that we do it because we're dumb or ignorant? Nope.. we do it because we researched it.. because it works for us because we practice it safely.
When you see the Infant death Numbers resulting in bed sharing you are not seeing the whole story.
There is a term experts call "Chaotic bed-sharing" which is used to describe people who bed share not by informed choice but because
A) They cannot afford a crib
B) They do not have the living space/correct arrangements
C) They accidentally fall asleep with baby these are not people who regularly bed share.. parent could be intoxicated and fallen asleep with baby.. (Sadly some people do live like that)
When you see charts and studies this is what you see
CPSC Warns Against Placing Babies in Adult Beds; Study finds 64 deaths each year from suffocation and strangulation
now it doesn't tell you the circumstances.. if it was chaotic bed sharing or informed bed sharing.. if proper guidelines where practiced or not.. if the parent was intoxicated.. etc.. it just says babies died and we immediately flip.
Doesn't it seem fishy to you that the Consumer Product Safety commission would be issuing such statements? I mean are they saying beds are unsafe? No they're telling you the safest place is your crib.. the things they are there to regulate.
The United States Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is an independent agency of the United States Government created in 1972 through the Consumer Product Safety Act States Government to protect "against unreasonable risks of injuries associated with consumer products.
The CPSC has the authority to regulate the sale and manufacture of more than 15,000 different consumer products, from cribs to all-terrain vehicles, and from barbecue grills to swimming pools. *wikipedia
They have the authority to regulate the sale and manufacture of cribs..
The same people who approved cribs that are now motioned to be made illegal.. the same cribs who have killed babies.
Why have they not gone to the extremes of telling you all cribs are unsafe? Of course they pinpointed drop side cribs and detailed how the accidents happened but they don't do the same with co-sleeping research.
Let me get back on the ball here.. and I this is not about which method is better if your baby in on a crib it's your choice nothing wrong with that.. whatever works for you in this case.. just like bed sharing is my choice. Especially because it has helped me a great deal with breastfeeding, I don't know if I would have made it this year breastfeeding if I had to get up to sit down and breastfeed everytime she woke up.
I cannot say Co-sleeping is 100% safe.. I would be lying but you cannot say
Sleeping in a crib is 100% safe because.. given the recent news.. you would be lying too!
When we make an informed choice on bed sharing, we know to take precautions we know if we are capable or not.. I know someone who would have loved to co-sleep but she knew she is a heavy sleeper so bed sharing for her would be too risky. I also know of people who would have loved to as well but their husbands are the heavy sleepers or they use a CPAP Machine.. it's all about weighing your options and making an informed choice.
When my instincts told me to share a bed with my baby, I made sure to follow the guidelines and be safe about it.. I also rouse very easily something that is mentioned in a sleep study done by Dr. James McKenna
"Anthropological and developmental studies suggest that mothers and infants are designed to respond to the presence of the other, and no data have ever shown that among mother-baby pairs who co sleep for breast feeding in a safe cosleeping/bed-sharing environment that mothers are unable to sense the proximity of their babies in order to avoid smothering them. Our own laboratory sleep studies of co sleeping/bed-sharing mothers infant pairs (2 to 4 month olds) reveal that both breast feeding mothers and their infants are extremely sensitive throughout their night - across all sleep stages - to the movements and physical condition of the other. The healthy infant, which includes most infants, are able to detect instances, where for example, their air passages are blocked. They can respond very effectively to alert the mother to potential danger, and they have the physical skills to maneuver out of danger, under normal circumstances. That being said, modern societies and the objects on which we sleep and the social and physical conditions within which bed-sharing can and often does occur especially among the urban poor forces professionals to be very guarded when discussing bed-sharing and/or co sleeping. The truth is that there is no one outcome (good or bad) that can be associated with co sleeping in the form of "bed-sharing, but rather a range of outcomes (from potentially beneficial to dangerous and risky) depending on the overall circumstances within which the co sleeping takes place. " READ MORE HERE....
Here's a Co-sleeping Fact sheet on "The Baby Bond" I wish the facts would be a bit more updated but they put things into perspective nonetheless
Number of U.S. births year 2000: 4,058,814
Total infant deaths year 2000: 28,411
Age birth to 1 year. (6.9 per thousand)
Number SIDS deaths year 2000: 2,523
Defined as death with unexplained cause, birth to 1 year.
Total suffocation deaths year 2000: 1,000
Number of crib-related "accidents"/yr: 50
Number of playpen-related deaths/yr: 16
Number deaths/yr attributed to overlying: 19 Most are only "suspected."
Number of babies (0-2) dying in night fires/yr: 230 Many of which may have been retrievable if next to parent, not in another room of home. This is true for abductions and other night dangers as well.
Number of deaths/yr in adult beds reported as entrapment/suffocation between bed and wall, headboard, or other furniture, on water bed, in headboard railings, or tangled in bedding: 18 With side-rail: 1 That's 19 of the 60.
Number of deaths/yr reported as suffocation of unknown cause in adult bed: 13 These would be SIDS if in a crib. Remember, these do not necessarily involve co sleeping.
Number of deaths/yr in adult beds from prone sleeping: 5 Again, these are considered SIDS in cribs, and they are preventable in adult beds, as in cribs.
4/yr died not from falling out of adult bed, but from suffocating (pile of clothes, plastic bag) or other danger (such as drowning) after falling out.
13% of U.S. infants are routinely co sleeping with nearly 50% sharing bed for part of the nights. National Institute of Child Health and Human Development 2000 Survey,
Number of U.S. infant lives that could be saved per year by exclusive/extended breastfeeding: 9,000 Exclusive/extended breastfeeding cuts SIDS risk and cuts overall infant death risk in half.
And My favorite reason to bed share?? this..
Kate Evans - The food of love
Again this is not a "bed sharing is better than crib sleep" post.. I just want to say.. I bed share.. I am aware of the "risks" I am informed and I know what I am doing. But just like I take precautions with bed sharing, if you use a crib, please take precautions as well... nothing is certain and nothing is 100% safe.
If you don't like the idea of bed sharing, maybe try the crib in your room.. I know with my first daughter.. I decorated this beautiful elaborate nursery only to not use it.. She slept in a crib but my instincts still told me to keep her nearby... I felt safer that way..
Either way.. know that my choice is not one done lightly.. I did what was right for us.
Monday, March 21, 2011
2011 WIC Budget cuts..
IF you haven't heard yet.. Republicans are looking into Cutting WIC funding by 10% Ok.. We agree.. WIC is costing a lot of unnecesary taxpayer money when it comes to easily providing formula you can read some of that on this great post by not so average hippie Mommy Formula Vs Breastfeeding: You might think it doesn't but it DOES concern you! She wrote that after reading and article stating that If all WIC babies in the U.S. were breastfed, our economical savings would be $33,000,000 per MONTH!
and here we are... Good old Politicians.. with the answer to all.. Let's cut WIC funding! Yaay! (rolls eyes)
I've been trying to research more on the subject I hear 10% in some places 30% in some .. I find articles suchs as this.. stating that
*WIC could see a 30% budget cut which would mean a reduction in staff and those eligible for it's services. Some 70% to 90% of funding for WIC goes toward employees wages and WIC would also have to re-evaluate who would need help the most with the reduction of resources because of its budget cut. I wonder if the 33 Mil a month would cover it?
Summary: How Budget Proposals Will Affect Food Programs
*Funds WIC at $6.5 billion, a cut of $747.2 million. The Food Research and Action Center estimates that the $6.5 billion funding level would be adequate to serve families currently receiving WIC and would not result in waiting lists for the program. However, this assumes level food prices and demand for services; if either of these increases substantially, this funding level might be insufficient to serve the current caseload. In addition, this funding level precludes the enhancement of the fruit and vegetables benefits for children.
*As it stands, the proposed cuts are deep indeed. The Women, Infants and Children program, which provides food for low-income pregnant women, mothers and young children, would receive a $758 million cut, about 10 percent. It was unclear whether the reductions would force people off of the program.
Read more: http://newsok.com/house-gop-chairman-outlines-sweeping-spending-cuts-affecting-wic-epa/article/3539409#ixzz1HGxZkh4H
This was googling, it didn't narrow down anything and I didn't find the answers I needed.. here are my questions:
HOW EXACTLY WILL THIS AFFECT WIC
I need straight answers, I got an e-mail the other day which is when I found out about it was a women crying about not being able to afford formula.. Wahh no pity from me there..
If it turns away people who need it I have a problem with that...
If it cuts workers from it.. I have a problem with that..
If it makes it so they can't afford the very few lactation consultants it has.. I have a problem with that..
I tell you what you can cut... Formula, how about you don't provide formula the first 3 months? Or.. make it available prescription only.. or switch to generic (not like having brand name formula is safer.. look at Similac and their bug parts)
How about you don't give people 90 jars of baby food at 6 months of age? I've NEVER used them! In the past six months I only cashed in 40 to keep in case of emergency. That is 500 JARS OF FOOD I saved you! Can you imagine someone really using 90 jars of baby food a month? anyway.. 20-30 should be plenty for most.
How about you reduce the amount of milk? I get so much milk in each coupon it's ridiculous!
WIC has been a great deal of help to me.I am so grateful the taxes I pay have helped me back.. (YES I pay Taxes too! I am a work at home mom who pays taxes quarterly! My husband pays taxes as well! ) . but even I don't use all of the coupons, I don't need that much baby food, I don't need that much cereal, I don't need that much milk.. I don't need that much juice.. . Veggies is another story more of those would be nice.. but if the budget cuts take those away it will be a sad sad day..
SO If WIC gets its funding cut.. please before you go laying people off.. turning people away, cutting produce vouchers.. Please.. Re evaluate how the money is being spent! Re-Budgeting vouchers would help keep those jobs and avoid turning people away. How sad would it be if WIC would come down to a waiting list!
One thing you can do if on WIC.. Breastfeed! Save coupons!
ONE MORE QUESTION: WHERE IS THE MONEY BEING CUT GOING TO??? I cannot seem to find any mention to that... I'm a taxpayer.. I want to know!
If you didn't follow any links please visit a new found gem! WIC WOES: An insider's look at WIC as a former employee and client. Awesome Blog!
What a difference 1 year makes!
I remember when 1 year seemed like a long time to me... Now it seems like a blink of an eye. I think this is why I like New Year's Eve.. I get to look back on my year and wonder what the new year will bring.
Well.. today I am reflecting on a year from March 21st 2010 to March 21st 2011.
Dear Silly girl:
A year ago at this very moment I was exhausted! You were born at 1:15am and the midwives didn't leave til 4am. We got little sleep but I was so happy! We were about to embark on our breastfeeding journey as well ... I cannot believe today marks our 1 year breastfeeding milestone! Something that never happened with your sister unfortunately.. but thanks to her I learned to become a better mom.
We found out you had Tongue tie but that didn't stop us! We figured a way to nurse without having to touch your frenulum. It worked for us! We have been through a roller coaster of breastfeeding, mastitis, colds (few of them thankfully) teething, venturing into cloth diapering. (I love your fluffy bottom!)
You have been teaching me so much as well... You are such a funny, silly, smart, enthusiastic, baby! You taught me that indeed.. I could love another child of mine just as much as my first.. I love you SOOOOOO much I cannot imagine life without you.. you fit into our family so perfectly as if you were always here.. you were meant to be! You made my heart grow that much bigger...
Yesterday we finally planted the placenta that connected us, some people would find that weird but not to us.. Your daddy, your sister.. your grandma and auntie were there with us..
We planted it in your grandma's garden on the house where you were born.. under the big lemon tree we all love so much.. (It's our favorite fruit!) You'll soon learn we put lemon on everything!
We closed the hole and placed the stork back on top of it.. and then we realized how appropriate that the stork is guarding the placenta.
We said some words we gave thanks that you have grown healthy and strong this past year, we wished that the placenta gave its nutrients back to the earth and make that lemon tree grow healthy.. because when life gives you lemons.. we make margaritas! (yeah that's how your crazy family rolls!)
And I think you'll find yourself lucky to be part of us... We'll always take care of you and love you! Your grandmas will always spoil you rotten!
And so we celebrated! You got the Head of the table...
We sang Happy Birthday to you!
And you had some cake... which you absolutely loved!
Happy Birthday Baby Girl! Here's to Many Many Many more! We love you soooo much!
Well.. today I am reflecting on a year from March 21st 2010 to March 21st 2011.
Dear Silly girl:
A year ago at this very moment I was exhausted! You were born at 1:15am and the midwives didn't leave til 4am. We got little sleep but I was so happy! We were about to embark on our breastfeeding journey as well ... I cannot believe today marks our 1 year breastfeeding milestone! Something that never happened with your sister unfortunately.. but thanks to her I learned to become a better mom.
We found out you had Tongue tie but that didn't stop us! We figured a way to nurse without having to touch your frenulum. It worked for us! We have been through a roller coaster of breastfeeding, mastitis, colds (few of them thankfully) teething, venturing into cloth diapering. (I love your fluffy bottom!)
You have been teaching me so much as well... You are such a funny, silly, smart, enthusiastic, baby! You taught me that indeed.. I could love another child of mine just as much as my first.. I love you SOOOOOO much I cannot imagine life without you.. you fit into our family so perfectly as if you were always here.. you were meant to be! You made my heart grow that much bigger...
Yesterday we finally planted the placenta that connected us, some people would find that weird but not to us.. Your daddy, your sister.. your grandma and auntie were there with us..
We planted it in your grandma's garden on the house where you were born.. under the big lemon tree we all love so much.. (It's our favorite fruit!) You'll soon learn we put lemon on everything!
We closed the hole and placed the stork back on top of it.. and then we realized how appropriate that the stork is guarding the placenta.
We said some words we gave thanks that you have grown healthy and strong this past year, we wished that the placenta gave its nutrients back to the earth and make that lemon tree grow healthy.. because when life gives you lemons.. we make margaritas! (yeah that's how your crazy family rolls!)
And I think you'll find yourself lucky to be part of us... We'll always take care of you and love you! Your grandmas will always spoil you rotten!
And so we celebrated! You got the Head of the table...
We sang Happy Birthday to you!
And you had some cake... which you absolutely loved!
Happy Birthday Baby Girl! Here's to Many Many Many more! We love you soooo much!
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