Sunday, January 16, 2011
What does it mean to be an Instinctive Mother. I am not the one to coin this phrase, it's been used in the natural, attachment, granola parenting community, however it stuck with me.
Just the other day I heard of the term AP Lite for the first time, it means do everything AP except cloth diaper, but I'll come back to that in a bit.
I learned a lot with my first daughter, as a matter of fact I was all mainstream! My intentions were good but I didn't have all of the information and I thought things we supposed to be done certain ways.. (feed every 2 hours, my milk hasn't came in go get formula!, Cloth diapers are disgusting and waste more water by having to constantly wash them, boys are supposed to be circumcised to look like daddy, We got vaxed and we were fine!, Curse those breastfeeding Nazis and their plan to take over the world with their weapons of Mass production, Yaay my 9 month old is 20 lbs can she forward face now? I want to be able to see her!, How dare you judge my parenting..etc etc etc..)
However not even with my first daughter did I want to give birth in a hospital, but I ended up in one. My second daughter was a home birth and then I got the virus! The Crunchy Virus and it started spreading Home birthing lead to breastfeeding, which lead to delaying and skipping some vax, which lead to cloth diapering, which lead to being more "green", which lead to reaching out to others which lead to learning more about baby wearing, and EC, and Gentle parenting etc etc.. the Virus has spread... I have the crunchies.
Most of this came from my instincts! It just felt right.. take vaccines for example you can read my thoughts on them on my post The gray area of Vax debate. THAT was a perfect example on how my instincts came to play... I did what my instincts told me.. maybe yours tell you to fully vax, maybe yours tell you you'll be happier not using cloth but you are gunge-ho about everything else! Maybe you are just learning about it.
the bottom line is to listen with your heart...
A blog I really admire called PhD in Parenting (actually they are the reason I started blogging) posted an article by Diana West from IBCLC called There is No Doctrine for Attachment Parenting: Being AP is a Frame of Mind! reprinted on Kellymom.comin it she explains how you don't have to follow AP to a T and maybe you even physically can't but basically:
"An AP parent is one who wholeheartedly believes that children are inherently good and that by fostering an atmosphere of complete trust and intimacy, a bond is created that provides those children with the foundation and security to become their best selves. It really has little to do with the tools we use to be Attachment parents. All that is important to qualify us to be an Attachment Parent is simply that we parent from an Attachment Parenting frame of mind"
So AP lites! you are fully AP! if you don't cloth diaper it doesn't make you less of a parent! You follow your heart! You follow your instincts.. Read the whole article it made me feel so good when I did.
Mothering has no instruction manual, society and mainstream websites, programs, stores have created one for us to dictate what we should buy or consume (think unnecessary baby gadgets and formula, or even unnecessary medical procedures and Meds) It all boils down to money. We instinctual mothers know that if all hell breaks loose.. our babies will still have everything they got their mommas breasts and their mommas arms and ladies and gentlemen that is ALL a baby needs to thrive.But dads, partners, relatives don't get me wrong... when all hell breaks loose for us, which is pretty much everyday all mommy needs is your support so she can support her baby.i
t takes a village!
So you see I am an instinctual mother I listen to my baby and I would love to spread how easier life really does get when you stop giving into big company rubbish of what a happy baby is.