I admit it.... I am a bored housewife!
but look a my lovely family, how dare I complain!
I am not going to justify or lessen my statement by saying "Don't get me wrong", think what you will, but when it comes down to it I am bored!
That does not mean I want a 9-5 job, nor do I dislike where I am at. As a former latchkey kid whose parents were too busy to celebrate milestones, attend school programs, all for worthy reasons like keeping food on the table and a roof over our heads, I decided I'd do things differently.
Let me explain who I am.. I'm an intelligent, opinionated, creative, talented, passionate, social, caring, feisty, stubborn, amazing woman! GOSH THAT FELT GOOD! I hardly ever describe myself as that, I am usually a mom, a wife, a gentle parent, a crunchy mom, a leaky lol.... nothing bad in that but I feel like along the way pieces of me have been getting lost.
I've been a bit lost and it's been bugging me, I wake up get dressed, get the children dressed, clean kitchen, make breakfast, clean kitchen, take kids to school (I have 2 "daytime" children in addition to my own) come back, breastfeed baby so she can nap, get on the computer because she will only nap on my lap, nap is over, eat, lunch, get some chores done, go pick up one of my daytime kids (her school is shorter) come back put her down for a nap, clean some more.. unless baby wants more boob. Pick up children from us stop, feed them snack, make dinner, give my daytime children back, daddy comes home we eat, he showers, he takes the girls to give me a break I watch my show and shut my mind off, I go to sleep and do it all over again.. day after day except weekends when I only have 2 kids instead of 4.
Nothing exciting, nothing stimulating..most days I feel like a Zombie. I want to contribute something important I want to change the world... I convince myself that I am contributing less trash by cloth diapering and I am changing the world by breastfeeding in public the limited times I do go out... Yaay me!
I roll my eyes at my single, or childless friends whose facebook updates consist of I'm off to the gym" "I'm going to Vegas" "Let's go dancing"... whose pictures consist of slutty outfits and drunken nights.... I miss the glory days. Seriously.. enjoy yours if you have them!
YES there are MANY MANY MANY rewards to having children I LOVE them with all of my being int he good times AND the bad, everything I do is for them and to me it is sooo worth it and though I wouldn't trade them for anything I still miss my autonomy.
IS it wrong to miss it? Should I feel ashamed and sad? Should I suck it up?
A friend of mine gave an article "The problem that has no name"
it dawned on me that I have the housewife syndrome!
I think this is why many of us blog, amongst other things...
I think that more women need to start talking about that..
I think we have a right not to be scared to talk about it for fear of being judged..
I think there is nothing wrong in feeling this way
but.. I think this is also a complicated issue that requires much dialogue...
I hardly use my blog to vent but perhaps it's not such a bad idea...