I'm going to give my newborn a tattoo!

I though about it... it makes sense,

If my baby were to be snatched from me people would easily recognize her by the tattoo I gave her.

I have a "tramp stamp" and I want her to look like mommy.

All the boys will like her, and she will never be teased for not having a tramp stamp.

The Doctor's say babies don't feel pain, I can just give her a little sugar water, while they tattoo her little back.

I'll save her the pain of having to make the decision later and going through the pain because I am just SO SURE that she will want her own tramp stamp.

She might be upset at me for not taking her to get it "over with" when she was little.


Now the Problem is... NO tattoo artist would in their right mind's tattoo a baby!, It is illegal for someone under 18 to get a tatto. BUT SHE IS MY CHILD! Why would the government try to tell me what I can or can't do with my own kid! Oh.. wait.. am I shocking you?? Let me ask you... Would you tatto your child? My guess is no.


And I wouldn't either.. and NO, though I do have tattos, I don't have a "tramp stap" BUT Kudos to the ones that do.. the great thing about it is that if you did.. it was YOUR choice, not your parent's. YOU made a choice to get it done and you are either happy (or not as we know most of us aren't all there at 18, some are but not most)


BUT it is NOT THE SAME.

YES IT IS! CIRCUMCISION IS NOT MEDICALLY NECESSARY! just like a tattoo isn't! It is merely an aesthetic procedure. The most common reason.. "so the boy can look like his dad".

I asked my husband (he's anti circumcision after I painfully explained what he was missing out on I was doing research after I read on the "debate" going on many mom forums.) if he ever compared his penis' with his father's they took showers together just like I do with my girls, they were both circ'd but his answer was, "it doesn't matter it wasn't a big deal I didn't look hard enough, besides of course it was different than mine, his was a grown man's! Now I don't know how many of those boys that have been circumcised to look like their dad's get to compare penises as adults. Do you?


Another popular reason is, "so he wont be teased" I don't know of many activities nowadays that require boys or girls being naked together... people are so scared with liability and sex laws that I remember even when I was in High school, the showers were used as storage for the school. What we need to know is teach in sex ed the differences of a circumcised and uncircumcised penis, it's proper care AND teach the FUNCTION of the foreskin, because it HAS a function. SEXUAL PLEASURE.

Does diminishing your son's pleasure in the future, worth your convenience? Is it worth your ignorance? "Ignorance" Is not an insult.. it is only an insult when you stubbornly decide to look the other way and not take in the information that is presented to you out of stubbornness, pride or shame about what has already been done.

I am trying to save future sons from such an unnecessary intervention.

You can Read more here this is the first thing that popped on google when I was doing research and I didn't need to read more, this changed my mind immediately.

Informed Consent for a Medically Necessary Circumcision <----THIS IS NOT a PRO nor a CON site, It provides information! and just reading that alone made me decide to keep my future sons if I had any intact.

Here is a great Post FULL of info, if you want to get more into the subject..

How Far would you got to reject your child by Guggie Daly.

Another Reason I am comparing Circumcision to tattooing.

Are we allowed to tattoo a child because of religious beliefs?

Some People have tattoos some don't but in the end it is not up to us to make that choice for them.

Some States allow it with parental consent, some not at all, but would any respectful tattoo artist work on a child?

I am also doing this because A man, yes a MAN! started a proposition going in San Francisco to BAN Male Genital cutting. Read more here .. And it has caused an uproar all over the web and on T.V while it's a great step.. I believe it should be like tattooing.

Make the legal age 18! You're allowed to modify your body then out of your own personal CHOICE!, don't take away the choice period... just let the individual do so for himself!

Let's see how many 18 yr olds would do it, especially after they learned what circumcision takes away..... Pleasure!

I Do not judge parents who have circumcised their children... I DO judge those who then refuse to read the information that they didn't read before and admit their mistake. Because I doubt anyone who reads all the evidence would still do this to their child. Especially after watching the videos of circumcisions being performed. I could have posted those here but I didn't want to go there.

Like I said before, Making decisions for your child is NOT your RIGHT! it is you PRIVILEGE! and as such we must research any decision we make for them. We will make mistakes.. but there is nothing wrong in admitting you were misinformed or not informed at all , moving forward and spreading the message to someone who is not yet informed with the facts.

Knowledge is power, and with knowledge comes the responsibility to make better choices and spread the facts.

Pic from amazingdata.com

Birth Revisited DD#1..Part 2 Booby trapped!

Lets see where we left off..

Oh yes, after a very disappointing birth experience I got to see my baby who did not want to eat.. a little formula was used on my nipple and I didn't even think about it I just gave in to their suggestions. What did they expect a champion nurser after that epidural? Back to my room I got wheeled in...

Being as Excited as I was I could not sleep, I had not slept in two days though and a couple of hours of tossing and turning inevitably turned to exhaustion and I started drifting off to sleep.... ah sleep... nice..cozy zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

RIIIINNG RIIINGG! what in the world oh! the phone
Hello? Hi this is the special care unit, it's time to feed your baby.. did you want to come or should we just give her formula.

Me: Starting to cry... could please just give her formula? I haven't slept in 2 days..I feel horrible but..

Nurse: Don't worry! Get some rest a little formula wont hurt her.

Me: ok...

MY daughter was in the special care unit with an IV in her little arm because they were scared she could develop an infection from my membranes being ruptured so long *rolls eyes. So I did not have the luxury of having my baby in the room with me.. I had to get up and get wheeled in to the special care unit, the next day I had to walk there because the nurse in one was or another pretty much called me lazy. I was swollen all over! My feed looked like they had Elephantitis! It was difficult to walk.

The next day I nursed, the lactation lady came and helped me get her latched properly etc etc.. You can even see her hand in the picture.

The next couple of feedings went ok but this is where it gets confusing I don't remember the conversations or anything like that but when she got discharged, she went home with formula, you know those little disposable bottle ones they have.

Nursing was great but the first night back home we had ourselves a fussy baby that was so fussy she wouldn't latch, then she would latch and scream bloody murder! Nervous and scared we deduced that she was hungry and that the colostrum wasn't enough and that We needed to go to the pharmacy fast! to get bottles and some formula so this baby could eat! So off we went, but that was an epic fail because she seemed to not be getting anything out of the bottle so we poked a hole in and and she nearly choked..

OMG! I thought this was all supposed to come naturally!!

We survived and my milk came in.. OH boy did it come in! Nobody told me I was going to feel like I was in hell! To me my milk coming in (<--happened both times) feels like I have the worst case of mastitis x 3!! I thought I was going to die!! Then I had milk leaking everywhere! So she nursed, but somehow (I now scratch my head as to how I was so naive) I felt formula was giving her more than me, She didn't seem full after I fed her because she always wanted to eat (what I now know is Cluster feeding to make you produce more milk!) So I would "supplement" with formula.

"A dietary supplement, also known as food supplement or nutritional supplement, is a preparation intended to supplement the diet and provide nutrients, such as vitamins, minerals, fiber, fatty acids, or amino acids, that may be missing or may not be consumed in sufficient quantities in a person's diet. Some countries define dietary supplements as foods, while in others they are defined as drugs or natural health products" 1*

You don't Supplement breast milk with formula! You Sabotage its production!
Man Oh Man was I naive!

After a while I had to go back to work, I felt embarrassed to pump there and I didn't have a fancy pump, also I have what I call "Pump stage fright" You know how some people can't go in a public restroom because other people are there? The sight of a pump inhibits my letdown..So I've never been a good "pumper".
Also the very little I would get I figured was indicative of what I was making.. what?? I only make an ounce? no wonder baby is hungry all the time...

Here is a great article from Kellymom.com on not pumping "enough milk" Man I wish I knew about Kellymom then...

After just three months, I gave up on breastfeeding.. It was hard! And then on mommy forums I became and enabler, I unknowingly helped sabotage breastfeeding for others by saying things like:

"it's ok.. breastfeeding is hard! Formulas is not the monster they make it out to be"
"Don't stress over it I am sure your baby would much rather you be happy"
"Nothing wrong with supplementing with a little formula"
"Hey you breastfed for 2 days! Awesome the fact that you tried was enough"

I often thought I was helping these women by warding off the "Breastfeeding Nazis"

"Breastfeeding worked our great for you? Awesome! We're not all as lucky"
"Give us a break we tried! Some women just can't breastfeed"
"Why can't we just agree to disagree"

I now would like to apologize those women I enabled, You know the term "misery loves company"? I think in enabling you I was justifying my own reasons for giving up.

I would also like to apologize to the breastfeeding advocates for calling them Nazis and making your job harder... however you were doing it the wrong way, attacking most of the time instead of being more gentle with the information.

But one true friend and lactivist "L.S" She was persistent, She was tough sometimes but she was also gentle with the info, she was sympathetic but to the point, I reached out to her after a while on trying to re lactate, a lot of people helped me! And I tried hard.. I tried so hard but by then my dear daughter was not interested anymore.

I then eventually learned to let it go. I knew I tried, I was comfortable in knowing that and I stopped feeling attacked for my choices, when I did that I opened my heart for information and I listened! I listened to what was really going on in the parenting world, how easily we are misguided and are pushed into making poor choices thinking we are doing good. How big profit is to be made out of compromising our children and our health.

Many things have changed since my first, I made many mistakes int he beginning with her, we got off to a rough start but I am happy to report she is doing fine, at least kids are a work in progress never really completed until they start making their own choices..

As for now I am gentle with my choices, the choices I make for them are not my right, they are a privilege! And it is our responsibility as parents to "proceed with caution" and "handle with care" .

RESEARCH! Do not be afraid to be proven wrong.. I was booby trapped and I booby trapped others but I did not make the same mistakes!

"Whenever a warrior decides to do something, he must go all the way, but he must take responsibility for what he does. No matter what he does, he must know first why he is doing it, and then he must proceed with his actions without having doubts or remorse about them."
Carlos Castaneda


I'd like to dedicate this post to L.S! Hey you! Lactivist! you made a change! <3 size="1">
1* Source: Wikipedia.com

I am sick and tired ...

This is a personal vent but you know it pertains in a way to us mommies on facebook.



I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS...


(INSERT PASSIONATE YET POSSIBLY CONTROVERSIAL SENTIMENT ON A STATUS UPDATE)



Disagreeing friend replies..



AH AH IT IS MY STATUS, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT IGNORE IT!



Disagreeing friend yeah but you put it out there it's On the news feed I just want to express how this offends me



WHAT IF YOU ARE OFFENDED IT"S STUPID



Disagreeing friend why can't we just talk about it



UGH! LET'S AGREE TO DISAGREE



Disagreeing friend: I guess so..





That is a simple example, Sometime you get buddies backing you up then it gets super heated!

We've both been on either side of that conversation, and it sucks.. but when people have opinions which I am sorry but everyone thinks differently about different things DAMN THAT FREE WILL, the bottom line is if someone criticizes or challenges how you think, there is nothing wrong with having an adult conversation about it... There is nothing wrong with opening your hearts and put yourselves in each other's shoes and try to see their point, you may be passionate about something but it wont hurt to validate the other person's sentiments, or walk away without being childish about it.



What I am sick and tired is that I often censor myself on my toughts on religion, politics, parenting, my favorite pizza toppings, for fear of Offending or hurting someone or starting debates... yet I have to hear a lot from a lot of people and ignore it.. yet the second I say something "NO Tanya, I am sorry but that is MY personal opinion" I get shunned.


All I can say is AY CHIHUAHUA!!

Birth Revisited.. DD#1 part 1.

Ever watch "A baby Story" If you have ever been pregnant I bet you have! When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I used to watch those shows any chance I got, and what I took away from them was that BIRTH SUCKED! that it was scary, that is was cold and mechanical, and heartless and pretty much the equivalent of an alien abduction, the lights, the constant Vaginal probing, the people in scrubs yelling at you to push! I was soooo not looking forward to that, but I figured well, I guess that's how birth is.

Then another show came to town.. anyone remember "house of babies" The show was the equivalent of those birth shows but all done in a well established birthing center, the women seemed relaxed, happy, the main midwife was kind of a bully at times but you could tell she genuinely loved her patients and the joy of the water births , the gentle way they would come in to the world.. it opened my eyes! THAT IS WHAT I WANT, I told myself and I did research and watched videos... and started a myspace group called NON-Hospital Births.

I decided that home birth was too scary for me but that a happy medium would be a Birthing Center. After my 20th week, I happily transferred to the only birthing center we had in the county at the time. It was lovely an old house that felt very cozy, it had a small examining room, a kitchen, a huge living room/waiting area and 2 rooms for delivery, one with a HUGE tub <---I really wanted that one. And a smaller room, with a smaller tub inside a bathroom.<---I did NOT want that one, later on they added 2 extra rooms but they worked on a first come first served basis. I constantly prayed that I would get the big room lol.

Everything was well, I was a perfect candidate they did however make me take chest X-rays because I test positive for TB because medical staff can't seem to get it in their heads that in places like Mexico where I grew up if you get the TB vaccine (which is not given here <--amazing huh) then you will always test positive for TB... So against my wishes I went to get a chest x-ray so I could avoid breaking their rules and that I would be my wonderful birth. (THAT should have raised a red flag as to how much birthing centers are a joke, <--If you have had a successful and wonderful birthing center experience kudos to you! but I am realizing they hospitals and lawyers have these midwives by the ovaries, and though they mean well, they can really fuck someones birth up like they did mine by not telling you about the shit that could happen. I was new to the mom business so I was naive about a lot of things.

March 2nd 2006 at around 8:30 am my water broke, they kept drilling us that that was rare so not to worry but alas it happened to me! Just my lovely luck! You always think your water breaking means you are going to have a baby..like pronto! well WRONG! I called the midwife very excited thinking she would be like sure come one over let's have this baby! Nope! I got told to wait for my contractions to be the standard 5 minutes apart and if I didn't by 6pm to call her back.

I called My husband before I called her so he immediately rushed home and was there as soon as I got off the phone with the midwife. Ok cool, contractions lets wait, do you want breakfast? heck no! I'm having a baby I am too excited to eat! ...waiting....waiting....excitedly telling all my myspace friends that my water had broken... waiting.... dinner? nah I am too nauseous with excitement but maybe I'll drink some milk... waiting.... 6pm got here... They said ok come over so we can check the baby, I then got some contractions but I took a shower before leaving thinking. Thinking we would be coming back home with a baby we packed the car.

Off we went on that 30 minute drive that HURT LIKE HELL!!! It got contractions going all in my back. First thing they do is give me a vaginal exam, nope you are only 1 cm, (<---A good midwife would know NOT to do an exam with PROM because bacteria can get pushed in and there is a higher risk of infection. But I didn't know that) Well take some Castor oil, that will get it going and call when your contractions start... WHAT?? WTF??? Are you kidding me? I'll settle for the small room just please don't send me back home! not that excruciating car ride again!! Fine! We went back home, my husband, my mother and my preggo self... I drank the castor oil <--That stuff is disgusting! I ate a little bit and the BARF!!!!!!! yeah the castor oil came back out the wrong end.. So Castor oil was a fail.. 1am I got contractions, oh yeah I thought this is it!! Off we go to the birth center.. I get there and they STOP!!!!! I get checked Again still 1 cm... go home call me in the morning they said.WHAT?? at this point I was feeling like the driving back and forth would never end! WHY DID THEY NOT TELL ME I would not be able to stay!!!! WHY? what harm could have been done if they would have let me relax in the room and get into birthing mode.. The next morning they called me told me to come in... I figured Great! Now they will be more proactive about getting this baby out of me! We were all tired as we had not slept all night.

Off we went woo hoo At 11:30am March 3rd <--I got transferred to a hospital, more than 24 hours had passed since my water had broken and already I was branded with failure to progress... I cried and I cried, and my husband and I cried walking into that big cold hospital I felt like a cow walking to meet her cold death.... walking had become painful at that point, where's the wheelchair they show at the birthing shows I kept asking myself. We went into the hospital and they were very calm making us fill paperwork until she asked what I thought was the stupidest question, why are you here? "umm my water broke 27 hours ago? THE SHOCK in her face I will never forget, immediately they brought out a wheelchair, got me undressed strapped me to these monitors got me on an IV everything happened so fast they acted like I had a ruptured appendix lol... but in a way I felt like FK Finally! get this baby out! I am tired hungry and I want to meet her.. food? NO FOOD?? AHHH!! We were there for a while watching TV..waiting..waiting... the pitocin took action and BAM!! OMG!! The pain! the agony!! Can someone give me an epidural??? like NOW?? They didn't want to check me because of the infection so they kept feeding me Demerol, that stuff made me feel like a drunk woman in labor, I was still in pain just dizzy and more confused.. finally someone checked oh 4cm you can have your epidural now.. (oh wait I forgot the idiot nurse before couldn't get my I.V in I got pocked 20 times leaving my arm black and purple, then they had to get the anesthesiologist to finally put the needle between my knuckles. boo) WHERE THE FUCK IS THE EPIDURAL!! Yeah I was cursing like a Sailor.. and the nurse just kept saying relax you need to relax.. no YOU FUCKING RELAX!! go get my epidural... my mom and hubby were starving at that point so I sent them to eat (bastards! I am hungry too!) I got my epidural and by the time they came back I was happy.

We watched some more TV, tried to nap and all of a sudden someone came in to check on me and I started getting the shakes and started barfing, and developed a fever, they threw c-section around and boy did that scare me enough so that I composed myself, and after they checked and I was at 10cm. I started pushing, I had no feeling fro the waist down except that I felt like I was going to poop so I voiced this and the nurse said good it means you are using the right muscles. I quickly realized when the contraction machine peaked meant I had to push, it was so difficult though with me not feeling, I remember someone kept shoving an oxygen mask in my face and I just kept thinking eww I wonder if they clean this it smells funny and i kept taking it off, and they kept shoving it on me.. finally she crowned and then they said You gotta wait because the DR is at a c-section... What?? umm ok, I guess.. then I just pushed I realized I don't nee a Dr to have this baby I'm gonna keep pushing. I don't know how they did it but the DR. came in and it went from an intimate setting with my mom, husband, midwife to a party! Pediatricians extra nurses etc.. they were worried the baby would get an infection. She came out at 12:10am March 4th <--her due date :) 7lbs 10oz and they whisked her away! WTF!? are you not going to put her on my belly, let me have a moment? Nope I got to get a glimpse and they whisked her away Clint held her all the way to the special care unit but I was left behind with a hemorrhage and some stitching work to get done.

When all was said and done I was starving! The kitchen was closed (I had not eaten for 2 days!) Some nice nurse got me a frozen spaghetti dinner that I ended up not being able to stomach, and then they transferred me to my room. Thank goodness I ended up with a room to myself.. a little bit after they wheeled me as I could not walk or feel anything yet, to go see my daughter and nurse her.. I did for a bit but she was still sleepy, they poured formula on my nipple to wake her and it didn't work. She was here though and I was happy.

Continued........... in Part 2 Boobie trapped.

Hey facebook! Enough with the witch trials!

I think that would be a protest I would throw 100% support to. Before the leaky boob got the boot the first time, then a second time over a "mistake" .. (cough cough B.S cough..cough!). There had been many protests on facebook to reinstate pages, privileges, personal usage,pictures..etc.

There are many pages telling facebook that breastfeeding is not obscene.. before and after The Leaky Boob incident.. here are my 2 cents on that...

Remember the Salem Witch trials? Pretty much if you lived then, if you royally pissed someone off they would get to yell WIIITTTCHHHH!!!!!! and then you'd go to trial where you were GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT! <---The sad reality is that this is how some countries judicial system still works.

Witchcraft in this case is ------> Nudity, obscenity, the profane!

Ok now that we established that.. let's flash forward...and back ..and forward again.. (trust me! this will get interesting)

I don't want to bore you with legalities and you are not going to bother reading if this bores you .. so in the interest of keeping you reading I will do a light research..DUN! DUN! DUN! good old wikipedia! (Insert clapping and cheering) .

Now the reason I did this, was because while typing about the obscene.. this came to mind from my good old Government class...(over 10 yrs ago!)

(1)Former Justice Potter Stewart of the Supreme Court of the United States, in attempting to classify what material constituted exactly "what is obscene", famously wrote"I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced…but I know it when I see it…"

Now.. I didn't remember about Potter or even the whole quote.. I actually googled "I know it when I see it guy" How scholarly of me right? and then that came up which is what I was looking for.

and then the term obscenity, which is a good enough reason to "flag down" someone's page/photo according to facebook policy.

"An obscenity (in Latin obspenus, meaning "foul, repulsive, detestable") is any statement or act which strongly offends the prevalent morality of the time, is a profanity, or is otherwise taboo, indecent, abhorrent, or disgusting, or is especially inauspicious. The term is also applied to an object that incorporates such a statement or displays such an act.

In a legal context, the term obscenity is most often used to describe expressions (words, images, actions) of an explicitly sexual nature. The word can be used to indicate a strong moral repugnance, in expressions such as "obscene profits", "the obscenity of war", etc. It is often replaced by the word salaciousness" (1)

According to Merriam-Webster online dictionary, that which is obscene (i.e.: an obscenity) is quite simply defined as repulsive, or disgusting to the senses.(1)


EUREKA!!!!
with all of that said you can deduce, that by posting breastfeeding pictures, and that is not even the big picture! (there are other people being "bullied" by facebook for different reasons).. that according to some.. You are being obscene!!

If you go by the Merriam-Webster definition, someone could well see breastfeeding pictures as repulsive and/or disgusting to the senses! Sad but true!

Now flash back again...... Think of Facebook as Salem.

YOU royally Pissed someone off and they YELLED WITCH!!

The way their system works, you get flagged you are guilty until proven innocent, in my opinion THAT is what has to change, the way they handle such situations.

Facebook is not 100% the problem, they are happy collecting their money.. heck I bet Mark Zuckerberg was probably breastfed! haha! , the people that populate it are! Just like in real life!

They know it when they see it and it was obscene! and Facebook just rolled with it.. and eventually deemed it unfounded and fixed it.. but of course this will get handled according to the community uproar you cause!!! . No uproar???? you're a witch... maybe if your dead corpse floats you weren't. *shrugs.

So my call is to write to facebook let them know the way they uphold policies needs to change!

Facebook is just mimicking what goes on in the world outside the world wide web..
If the world were facebook ..that person that gave you a dirty look for nursing in public would have flagged you down, the male with her would have flagged you down as well while ogling at the low cut top blond walking by..

The person that told you that they were offended by you breastfeeding not only would have flagged you down they would have gotten their buddies and made a group against you!

And people like us? we think it's natural, beautiful, necessary! so as sad as the truth is.... we need to burst out of the bubble..

Nurse in public!! protest on facebook but go out and NIP as well! protests help but if you haven't nursed in public do so!! You don't have to whip'em out you can do it discreetly!!! Here 's a great video by The Leaky boob on how to do so! and if you see someone breastfeeding in public give them a nod and a smile! that is facebook's equivalent of the "like" button, and if you wanna go further tell them how great they're doing, hand them a thank you for breastfeeding card that would be the equivalent of making a leaky boob page!

THIS... is how we will make a bigger difference! By normalizing breastfeeding in anytime, anywhere! for our babies.. and the future ones!! <3>

*(1) taken from wikipedia.com -Obscenity

I am lazy therefore I Breastfeed...

I have been meaning to write about this for a while.. but alas I am lazy and I am a procrastinator.

It's true 10 months later I am still breastfeeding and though I am mentally "over it" at times, I know I will keep doing it like a bad habit.

See forget the benefits of breast milk, forget the fact that it's natural..With exception of the first couple of weeks roller coaster, It has got to be the most uncomplicated thing in my life, baby+boob= bliss for her and sometimes for me.

*Sure when they can drink their own bottle it's nice to have your arms free, but you gotta hold them lovingly once in a while right? Bam! I got that darn cuddling out of the way WHILE feeding her AND while spending time on facebook now that is some multitasking!I absolutely LOVE using it as an excuse to get hubby to fetch stuff for me, bunny (that's what I call my hubby) can you get me glass of water? Bunny can you give me the remote? Bunny can you get me a blanket? Bunny can you get me some crackers? After all I can't move, the baby is sleeping on me :D Bunny can you put the dishes away? I meant to do it right now but darn baby decided to nurse! Who can say no to a breastfeeding mother?

*When she's hungry and I don't feel like making her something BAM! here have some boob! (I remember Jessica from the leaky boob blogging about how sometimes she wished feeding her whole family were that easy..I agree)

* When it's time to go to bed there's no drama, no fuss, she nurses herself to sleep next to me, she gets hungry in the middle of the night? I don't have to get up and make her a bottle inf act I don't have to wake up she just finds a boob and helps herself!

*I can use her as an excuse to get out of talking to people when the convo gets boring at family events,, sorry gotta go nurse be back in a bit (even though I've been known to whip 'em out before heheh.

*I don't have to lug around a huge diaper bag, just put a couple of diaper inserts in my purse with some wipes and spray bottle and I'm good to go.

I can go on and on...Really it's not a lie.. breastfeeding is easy may not start that way for some but it gets easier...I am NOT ready to give that up no way baby! I don't care that you're turning a year! suck it up! (pun intended) because Mommy is too lazy not to feed you the good stuff oh and she'd be too jealous of the cows feeding you.

Are you a lazy breast feeder too?

Instinctive Parenting.

What does it mean to be an Instinctive Mother. I am not the one to coin this phrase, it's been used in the natural, attachment, granola parenting community, however it stuck with me.

Just the other day I heard of the term AP Lite for the first time, it means do everything AP except cloth diaper, but I'll come back to that in a bit.

I learned a lot with my first daughter, as a matter of fact I was all mainstream! My intentions were good but I didn't have all of the information and I thought things we supposed to be done certain ways.. (feed every 2 hours, my milk hasn't came in go get formula!, Cloth diapers are disgusting and waste more water by having to constantly wash them, boys are supposed to be circumcised to look like daddy, We got vaxed and we were fine!, Curse those breastfeeding Nazis and their plan to take over the world with their weapons of Mass production, Yaay my 9 month old is 20 lbs can she forward face now? I want to be able to see her!, How dare you judge my parenting..etc etc etc..)

However not even with my first daughter did I want to give birth in a hospital, but I ended up in one. My second daughter was a home birth and then I got the virus! The Crunchy Virus and it started spreading Home birthing lead to breastfeeding, which lead to delaying and skipping some vax, which lead to cloth diapering, which lead to being more "green", which lead to reaching out to others which lead to learning more about baby wearing, and EC, and Gentle parenting etc etc.. the Virus has spread... I have the crunchies.

Most of this came from my instincts! It just felt right.. take vaccines for example you can read my thoughts on them on my post The gray area of Vax debate. THAT was a perfect example on how my instincts came to play... I did what my instincts told me.. maybe yours tell you to fully vax, maybe yours tell you you'll be happier not using cloth but you are gunge-ho about everything else! Maybe you are just learning about it.

the bottom line is to listen with your heart...

A blog I really admire called PhD in Parenting (actually they are the reason I started blogging) posted an article by Diana West from IBCLC called There is No Doctrine for Attachment Parenting: Being AP is a Frame of Mind! reprinted on Kellymom.comin it she explains how you don't have to follow AP to a T and maybe you even physically can't but basically:

"An AP parent is one who wholeheartedly believes that children are inherently good and that by fostering an atmosphere of complete trust and intimacy, a bond is created that provides those children with the foundation and security to become their best selves. It really has little to do with the tools we use to be Attachment parents. All that is important to qualify us to be an Attachment Parent is simply that we parent from an Attachment Parenting frame of mind"

So AP lites! you are fully AP! if you don't cloth diaper it doesn't make you less of a parent! You follow your heart! You follow your instincts.. Read the whole article it made me feel so good when I did.

Mothering has no instruction manual, society and mainstream websites, programs, stores have created one for us to dictate what we should buy or consume (think unnecessary baby gadgets and formula, or even unnecessary medical procedures and Meds) It all boils down to money. We instinctual mothers know that if all hell breaks loose.. our babies will still have everything they got their mommas breasts and their mommas arms and ladies and gentlemen that is ALL a baby needs to thrive.But dads, partners, relatives don't get me wrong... when all hell breaks loose for us, which is pretty much everyday all mommy needs is your support so she can support her baby.i

t takes a village!

So you see I am an instinctual mother I listen to my baby and I would love to spread how easier life really does get when you stop giving into big company rubbish of what a happy baby is.

To my beautiful girls..

I have been blessed with two wonderful, beautiful girls... they are everything I imagined having them would be... I had my first daughter my little chick-ey monkey almost 5 years ago and I learned a lot... She has been my life my joy my reason to be here! I had my second daughter chub chub almost a year ago... she has been my rebirth as a mother, a wife, a nurturer, a human. I often worried how in the world I could love another child like I love my chick-ey monkey... how did parents have enough love for more children? HOW? it had to be a lie! how could I have another child and have that child intrude on my love for chick-ey monkey

Chick-ey monkey was going to be a single child... I had waited a bit after she learned to use the potty and things were easier, however I ended up coming across a couple of adults who happened to have no siblings, one said he wasn't unhappy, he had lots of friends and cousins but that he did wonder.. another one said she was miserable not as a child but now as an adult to not have her mother and possibly not long in the future not have her father and become all alone as they did not have other relatives near. It got me thinking.. Chick-ey monkey could possibly question or be sad about being a single child but she would NEVER question why I had her sister... as I have never felt bad about having a brother.. I adore my baby brother he is my best friend!

Hubs and I got married on our 8 yr anniversary, the month before my IUD fell off and we saw it as a sign... 10 days after the wedding we conceived Chub chub! Which brings me back to Chick-ey monkey... from watching too much "a baby story" I knew I did NOT want to go to a hospital but I was too scared to have her at home, so I planned to deliver at a birthing center, to make along story short I had her in a hospital, got booby trapped, didn't breastfeed like I wanted to.. etc etc.. I was a pretty mainstream mother but I will write about that later as this is not the point of this post. Chub chub was my rebirth as a mother! I had carried Chick-ey monkey's painful experience with me until her.. I had a beautiful home birth and 10 months later we're breastfeeding with no end in sight, we cloth diaper, co-sleep, baby wear, selective /delayed vax, we're in crunchy heaven!which brings me to this...

Dear Chick-ey monkey:

I love you, you were my first love, with you I learned to be a mother, I waned different things for you but yet you thrived, you have had a fighting spirit, you have been stubborn, smart, dramatic and you know what? I have a special bond with you because you remind me of myself!!! I know one day when you're a teenager we're going to fight and you might even dislike me or *gulp hate me... but I have been there with my own mother ... and I now as a mother appreciate her .. I hope I live long enough to see your children and to have you appreciate me.. I hope I never fail you as a mother and I hope above all you know you are loved and that I have many faults but I am trying my best to raise you to be a kind hearted, loving, intelligent, contributing human being\. I think you have all the potential I have but that I never used.... I want to change the world but I don't know where to start.. I hope your generation does find a solution. Above all don't worry! the world is not fair, and there are many things wrong with it but it is a good place... with good people you just have to look hard! Don't let t.v fool you ;)

I love you lots and I hope to be there for you until I am old an crotchety and don't worry I wont be an annoying old mom... Well I'll try. You are my sunshine!

To Chub Chub:

Man Oh Man!! I didn't think I would have room in my happy little heart for more love and you came! And OH MAN!! I love you!! I looove you sooooo much it hurts!!, you're such a happy, lighthearted, content baby! And I feel a connection to you that only breastfeeding can explain.. I have a bond with you and you are definitely an old soul... many people tell us that.. I sometimes fear you are too special to be with us, and I freak out.. but lately I have convinced myself that you are special because you will change the world. I hope to hold your babies in my arm.. I hope to see all your accomplishments... I hope to make you proud.You're a kind gentle soul... I almost feel not worthy of being blessed to be your mother.. but I am! and being your and your sister's mother is what I was born to be! And now I can't wait to see my grand kids! I hope they are as cool as you.

UGH... I hate writing these kind of blogs... halfway through I freak out that maybe I will die and people will be looking back at this.... how morbid huh... well more paranoid then anything but bottom line I love my kids! It's an experience no one but people with kids would know... silly but yes.

But this letter is to be continued.... I would love now to have more ..

I admit it... I'm bored!

I admit it.... I am a bored housewife!

but look a my lovely family, how dare I complain!

I am not going to justify or lessen my statement by saying "Don't get me wrong", think what you will, but when it comes down to it I am bored!

That does not mean I want a 9-5 job, nor do I dislike where I am at. As a former latchkey kid whose parents were too busy to celebrate milestones, attend school programs, all for worthy reasons like keeping food on the table and a roof over our heads, I decided I'd do things differently.

Let me explain who I am.. I'm an intelligent, opinionated, creative, talented, passionate, social, caring, feisty, stubborn, amazing woman! GOSH THAT FELT GOOD! I hardly ever describe myself as that, I am usually a mom, a wife, a gentle parent, a crunchy mom, a leaky lol.... nothing bad in that but I feel like along the way pieces of me have been getting lost.

I've been a bit lost and it's been bugging me, I wake up get dressed, get the children dressed, clean kitchen, make breakfast, clean kitchen, take kids to school (I have 2 "daytime" children in addition to my own) come back, breastfeed baby so she can nap, get on the computer because she will only nap on my lap, nap is over, eat, lunch, get some chores done, go pick up one of my daytime kids (her school is shorter) come back put her down for a nap, clean some more.. unless baby wants more boob. Pick up children from us stop, feed them snack, make dinner, give my daytime children back, daddy comes home we eat, he showers, he takes the girls to give me a break I watch my show and shut my mind off, I go to sleep and do it all over again.. day after day except weekends when I only have 2 kids instead of 4.

Nothing exciting, nothing stimulating..most days I feel like a Zombie. I want to contribute something important I want to change the world... I convince myself that I am contributing less trash by cloth diapering and I am changing the world by breastfeeding in public the limited times I do go out... Yaay me!

I roll my eyes at my single, or childless friends whose facebook updates consist of I'm off to the gym" "I'm going to Vegas" "Let's go dancing"... whose pictures consist of slutty outfits and drunken nights.... I miss the glory days. Seriously.. enjoy yours if you have them!

YES there are MANY MANY MANY rewards to having children I LOVE them with all of my being int he good times AND the bad, everything I do is for them and to me it is sooo worth it and though I wouldn't trade them for anything I still miss my autonomy.

IS it wrong to miss it? Should I feel ashamed and sad? Should I suck it up?

A friend of mine gave an article "The problem that has no name"
it dawned on me that I have the housewife syndrome!

I think this is why many of us blog, amongst other things...
I think that more women need to start talking about that..
I think we have a right not to be scared to talk about it for fear of being judged..
I think there is nothing wrong in feeling this way

but.. I think this is also a complicated issue that requires much dialogue...

I hardly use my blog to vent but perhaps it's not such a bad idea...

DUDE! where's my leaky b@@b?...

What a shock it was today to get a text from my friend Christy telling me that our beloved page, "The Leaky b@@b" had been deleted from facebook.

Back in August another breastfeeding related page shared a cute blog post called "oh My Gosh..I'm a LACTIVIST!" the post made me smile and made me realize that I too was a lactivist.. someone who with DD#1 I had previously misunderstood. I now was one, and I was delighted to realize it.. I read other posts by her and immediately "liked" the page for the blog on facebook.

What was different about the page is that people actively participated, Jessica the author of the blog interacted with it's followers on a daily basis, engaging in conversations, giving advice, making us laugh, supporting us. The page was not hostile, was not preachy, we all had a sense of camaraderie whether we breastfed, used to, planned to or couldn't. The page was really for support. I quickly felt at home and made many friends, it became my haven, my sanity not just for breastfeeding but for many of motherhood's challenges.

And with that text came shock! It was gone! but....
not for long! Bring back the leaky boob was created and 12 hours into its creation the page had 4000 followers, the leakies moved quickly and TLB spport was created for support and questions which is what the leaky boob was about.

Why was the leaky boob removed? Breastfeeding pictures... sweet pictures of cherubic faces being nurtured and showing no more skin than you would see in a bikini, which by the way you can find lots off on Sports illustrated swimsuit on facebook. Does that seem fair to you?

Facebook is punishing the wrong people while catering to others.. we need pages like the leaky boob!

what can you do?

if you are in the Palo Alto area there will be a nurse-in at facebook's headquarters Friday January 7th 2011 at 12:30pm

1601 S. California Ave. Palo Alto, CA 94304



write to your local news...

write to the Today show myself and others have done this if they get enough emails it might work.. if you want me to make a letter you can copy and paste let me know..

Tell Marc Zuckerberg how you feel on this discussion (be nice!).

change your profile picture

BUT most important.. stick together, please stop by and spread the word about TLB support because the most important thing is that leakies that need support, advice, encouragement and answers receive it!

They can take away the page but they can't take away our spirit of helping!