I am Habiba are you? A mother relates..

The quest is still on, we're still fighting for Habiba to regain  custody of Alma her 15 month old daughter. Our chant is that we are all Habiba.

And now with the release of the report made on her parenting I can say that really indeed we are all Habiba, at least a lot of us are.
I am guilty of all of the things that "flawed" her as a parent, things that should be considered wholesome, healthy, and in the child's best interest!

"The hours and type of food are chaotic" and " she uses breastfeeding as a pacifier and a toy, offering her breast any time the girl cries and letting her take it anywhere, no matter the time and context in which this happens (offices, corridors). "


When my daughter cries...

She gets boob....

When we're out...

She gets boob...

This is not dirty.. it's natural and I feel it is my duty as mother!

"She gives her the pureed food that is already prepared by the shelter, but also other solid foods that are inappropriate for her age (like the ones Habiba eats). Over the weekends when she needs to make the pureed fruit herself, more often she doesn’t and breastfeeds instead. "


My baby eats what I eat...

and when in doubt... I breastfeed!

"We attempted to regularize and limit breastfeeding times, but it did not seem possible, so the possibility of stopping breastfeeding was raised ...." "... she continued to breastfeed. She was given pacifiers, but she didn’t use them either

try telling that to a baby!!  "Sorry kid bureaucracy says you must stop nursies and you gotta suck on this plastic instead"

"She (Alma) does not have proper sleep patterns. From the first moment Habiba didn’t want the girl to sleep in her cot and she lies with her in her own bed. She uses the cot to drop off things and toys and on very rare occasions to leave the girl ... "


HA! this is how my baby went to sleep tonight..

And how she's been sleeping every night...

 Nap time? No crib for her!

"Habiba is very affectionate with Alma, uses physical contact and verbal expression as a means of communication. The child is constantly searching for visual reference from her mother and has been some anxious fear towards the separation. "


Everywhere I go... my baby is with me!  Why would I want her to become independent so young?

I consider my children, cared for, loved, nourished, respected...

Why has society strayed so much from this that it would even be deemed questionable?

So many children who NEED this type of parenting don't get it.. why would a mother be persecuted for this?

I DON'T GET IT!!

WE ARE ALL HABIBA!! <3

When did birth become a war?

cabanel the birth of venus

I think I have been living under a rock when it comes to the subject of birth.  I have been around the block when it comes to mommy blogs and forums for the past 5 years since being pregnant with my first and I have been aware on certain touchy subjects,  I can even understand why people on either sides of a controversial subject (do I even need to name them? lol)  can be upset, but birth? really??

A while back Facebook pages that I love got into a bit of a debacle, it was tough to witness as I loved them all  for different reasons, and I got great info from all.  I am my own person and I have a mind of my own, my own expectations of birth my own vision, my own respect for it.  If one page talked about something I wasn't comfortable with I would just simply ignore it, plenty of other advice was applicable to me anyway.  If someone tells me don't seek medical attention and I am feeling ill umm I don't know about you but I am going to do what I feel is best for me and my baby who the heck cares at that point who the person at the other end is.  If someone tells me I am being "selfish" for wanting to give birth at home, I really don't care either who the other person is.. I will do what I want to do, the other person doesn't know me and I don't know them, they do not know how I came to my decision and I don't know how they came to have the viewpoint they have.  In the end.. I march by the beat of my ow damn drum!  And I would expect that most people feel the same way. Why all the fighting?

After all of that dust settled  I noticed other pages popping out.. antithesis of other pages promoting natural birth, homebirth, freebirth etc. These pages express pride in c-sections, hospital births and it's fine  that's not the issue.  What I find disturbing is that these pages seem to be created out of believing that natural birthers think that giving birth at a hospital is lazy or uneducated.  I am saddened because I myself wouldn't want that label on me. 

I am a homebirther, that does not mean I am trying to be a rebel, it does not mean I am proving my womanhood, it does not mean I am a martyr, it does not mean I look down upon your c-section it does not mean I think you are uneducated, it does not mean I think all c-sections are unnecessary, It does not mean I hate hospitals or science or Drs, OB, Nurses etc.  It does not mean I preach homebirth to everyone, it does not mean I am better than anyone, nor inferior either, I do not follow a fad, I didn't educate myself on google, my midwife is not someone who is just educated online and I found off the Internet.

I love birth! I think it is miraculous, marvelous, amazing, no matter how it happens, I am happy for babies being born no matter where or how or when, Even if it's a woman wanting to schedule a c-section because she doesn't want to push I respect that as long as it was her decision to make and she wasn't tricked into it.. and even then I don't blame the women  I blame the Dr's.. I don't blame ALL Dr's I blame the status quo on birth in the U.S and I blame the fact that it has created lazy Dr's (NOT women) and it has created bad midwives as well who can take advantage of unsuspecting women who just want their picture of their "ideal birth".

There are  great Dr's out there and there are great hospitals too! and my wish is that the way they practiced was the norm in the U.S so that everyone was/felt safe  there.  Some women birth at home solely for the fear of a repeat traumatic birth, it's not even about proving anything to them it's just about avoiding being treated like Cattle about to be butchered again because this is how they felt their previous time. There is women who don't even have a choice as they cannot afford a homebirth, there are women who go to the lenghts of going unassisted even though that would have not been their ideal choice  because the thought of going to a hospital makes them panic!

There are women who have complicated pregnancies, complicated deliveries, and the only place that it's safe for them to give birth is at a hospital where the technology is readily available, there are women who just feel safer there, there are women who after much research have come to the conclusion that this is the safest way.

Birth is birth, to me if someone went through a pregnancy no matter what lenght and the end result was a baby full term, preemie or angel..  it was a birth. Vaginal, cesarean, 24 weeks  later, 42 weeks later, happy, sad, healthy baby, sick baby, angel baby. I am equally amazed by the strenght it takes for a woman to experience this life altering experience, from the moment there is a plus sign and a life is there a mother is born.   I listen to each birth story or loss story with respect, awe and intrigue. 


I love birth, I am not better than you and you are no better than me.. what matters in the end is that you feel healthy, fulfilled, satisfied, content and at ease.

So please... don't label me as a snob nor a dumb sheep doing following a flock.. because I don't label you either.

I birthed at home because this is what I felt was best for me personally. I have birthed at a hospital and the experience wasn't great and this time around.. though I plan to give birth at home again, I am fully aware on the implications and I am not blindly thinking this will go as planned.  Nature is a force to be respected and just like the second time I birthed I go into it with an open heart and an open mind. I am not afraid to seek the help of a hospital if needed, I just don't want to be there if I don't have to. But again, this is me and only me that I am speaking for.

Your birth matters! no matter how, when, where. Your baby matters and YOU matter!.

Happy Birthing to all! <3 Please know it's not  one vs the other when it comes to birthing, we are all different and we are all similar. Opening your heart to someones story without cynicism is a great opportunity to learn together, once we understand that birth isn't dictated by a mold we can then fight to keep it from becoming one. Birth comes in all forms.

Love,
An open minded birth aficionado <3

Worldwide Mothers show they care!

2 days ago I wrote about a story I came across about a Moroccan mother in Spain whose 15 month old got taken away for failure to comply to the IMMF's rules of weaning her 15 month old daughter. because they deemed extended and on demand breastfeeding as "chaotic" and "harmful.

In 48 hours the group "worldwide mothers support Habiba" has grown to over 600!   and the original group in Spanish is over 3000! 

Habiba is not alone! We are all thinking of her and spreading the word and the longer they have their child the more the world will be fixing its eyes on just how fair the system is at the IMMF, and hopefully many institutions such as these start getting scrutinized more.

I wrote a note yesterday in the group about some of the things happening

" Some media and people linked to the IMMF have been vilifying Habiba taking advantage of the privacy that has been agreed upon. She can not defend herself so all I can ask is to give her the benefit of the doubt when you read such things, Put yourself in her shoes. If the media thinks this is about Lactivists in an uproar over nursing a 15 month old they are wrong! This is about a child, not only taken away from her mother but from her source of comfort.


We as mothers and fathers put ourselves in her shoes and her daughter's shoes.. we know this is not the first nor last time a child gets taken away from a parent's custody for X reason. It's time injustices are stopped and the psychological well being of children are considered! Why would it be so bad to have supervised visits while this is sorted? They say she can get her daughter back if she takes certain classes, why not let her be with her daughter under supervision while this happens? A psychiatrist who is not biased and is not liked to the IMFF has said she is mentally stable and is apt to be a parent.

Makes you wonder what motives these people have to institutionalize an innocent child.

It can make anyone furious!"

See this can potentially go beyond Habiba, it's about time we opened our eyes to injustice to mothers and children done all over the world.

But baby steps..  and most important right now is to get Habiba and her baby reunited! 

We need your help!

If you can translate the press release from my previous blog to other languages please feel free to do so!

Also.. If you are a blogger write about Habiba!

Write about the importance of child lead weaning
the strenght of  a nursing bond
how Habiba's story has impacted you
write if you or someone you know have gone through something similar


Help spread her story!!

Find her support pages on FB

Worldwide Mothers support Habiba

Que el IMMF permita que Habiba amamante a su hija ya!

What if you were this mother?

"We are all Habiba"  Graphic Courtesy of Louma Sader Bujana

This Morning, I read a startling article about a Moroccan  mother:  Habiba, a low income woman  in a program ran by the Madrid Institute of Mothers Minors and families (IMMF), whose 15 month old daughter was taken away because of failure to comply with their wishes to wean her child, referring to this act as "chaotic" and "harmful".

The Article hit home because I have a 14 month old who still nurses, I cannot imagine someone trying to rip her from my arms and from her much needed "boo boo" I am horrified to think what this child must be feeling, surrounded by strangers, wondering where her mommy and where her milkies have gone.. no comfort in sight, feeling abandoned and this just brings me to tears to think of my daughter having to go through this..  to think of ANYONE'S daughter having to go through this.

As a mother I want to reach out to Habiba and let her know I am with her an  mothers in the U.S are with her.. I am trying to find info in English but I can't so far so I will try my best to translate what I find..

Here is one of the MANY  articles in Spanish talking about the case:
http://www.centrosdemenores.com/?El-IMMF-separa-a-una-nina-de-15

The Press Release Goes something like this: (roughly translated)

Four days ago, the Madrid Institute for Minors and Families (IMMF), decided to separate a little girl from her mother for not complying with the objectives of  a psychotherapy program and "maternal abilities" that imply to abandon  extended breastfeeding and breastfeeding on demand because it is considered "chaotic" and "harmful for every boy and girl".  With these considerations all lacking scientific or legal facts, they force mothers to take medication to cease milk production.  

According to the Spanish Association of Pediatricians, breastfeeding should be on demand and it can be extended as long as both child an mother wish.  No legal action has been taken to separate mother and child, and the mother has not been allowed to say goodbye nor has she been told where her daughter will be taken causing a grave defenselessness on both.  Habiba is engorged and on the brink of mastitis and with a broken heart with pain, with barely any sleep or bite to eat. This woman has been evaluated by a psychiatrist  and she does not show any signs of  mental illness, drug consumption or anything that would justify making her victim of such aggression.

They threw Habiba on the streets the same moment they took her daughter telling her she had no more
room there because the resources they offer are for mothers and children and she did not have a child anymore. A humanitarian foundation has decided to help this mother donating legal support as well as shelter . We are deeply concerned by Habiba's pain and it pains us to imagine the circumstances this 15 month old child might be in, separated from her mother in an abrupt fashion most likely with no one explaining anything to her.

.We consider Habiba and her child's case as a serious violation of human rights as well as children's rights. The damage is already done but if mother and child are reunited immediately it can be repaired because of this we urge you to write to write and protest to IMMF management, asking for the immediate return of the child to her mother


There is a group formed in Spanish

Que el IMMF permita que Habiba amamante a su niña YA with constant updates by people close to Habiba and  those familiar with the case.

I am not but a mother who was moved by this story and my plea is for you to be moved as well.. Madrid is far away but the pain  of a mother can be felt the same in any language. I created a group:

U.S mothers support Habiba! Hey IMMF Give her baby back!  To show International support for this mother in her time of need. 

If you have any articles in any language please  email them to me  tcast030406(at)gmail.com or share them on the wall.  Lets show Habiba that  American  mothers feel her pain as well as other countries!

Breastfeeding is a human right!

How to make Dust Bunnies out of your Facebook "friends".

I have been meaning to do this for my Facebook Challenged friends who are always finding themselves in a pickle because they can't say no and deny friend requests from not necessarily welcomed people like coworkers, family, annoying acquaintances etc.

Also this comes in Handy for people like me who have a variety of friends who are fine and dandy but are easily offended by your unconventional and radical thoughts.. for Example I have a grouped friends into a "christian" category.. nothing bad with it.. but sometimes "what is on my mind" can be a little crude for a Jesus loving person being that I am not religious, so In order to keep the peace and not offend them (though I could say I have been offended many a times by them *sigh)  I spare them from potentially seeing any heretic spewing of mine.


Anyway.. Lets say Cousin James added you simply because you are family, now cousin James is a real uptight conservative jerk who only seems to reply when you offend him with your thoughts, How dare you have any! Stick to your kids and house cleaning woman! Well instead of deleting him and making things awkward at the next family gathering, simply put him in limbo or as I call it.. put him in a dust bunny status.

Dust Bunnies.. they're there, you don't see them, they don't see you..but they're there.  Hide them, Hide yourself from them and they will still be on your friends list just not bothering you.

So here we go..

On your home page's left hand side click on "friends"

Click on "Edit Friends"

Click on "create List"

Name your list and select "friends" to add to it Once done click on Create list.. You now Have a list.

then go to your upper right hand corner and click on "account" then "privacy settings" You then click on "customize settings"

You can then Customize what the dust bunnies can see for example you can make it so the posts you make are seen by everyone except dust bunnies or friends only except dust bunnies.. they will never see your posts. (keep current with FB changes though and check once in a while to make sure this is the case still as they have been known to change it back without telling you)  You can also hide the dust bunnies from seeing other parts of your profile like pictures, info etc. You then go to a post of theirs hide them indefinitely and you wont see them either unless you look for them on their page :)

Ah and my favorite.. when I really want to write what is on my mind.. and I don't want to cause drama and "offend" people  on the same spot where you write your status, there is a lock, click on it and you can control who sees it for example I want to post about vax or something and I know Sensitive Suzie will come out from hiding and cry about it then I just click on my trusty "mainstream" list and hide them! <3  No harm no foul. 

Hope this was helpful and save you from headaches, tantrums and having to give up and delete your page because you don't feel like it's yours anymore :)  I don't see it as censoring myself I see it as excluding people who can get easily offended.. they don't wanna see it anyway right?.. and don't get me wrong some of these people I really love we just don't see eye to eye on some matters and would rather keep the peace.

2 weeks shy of halfway there...

So Lets talk about this little Booger..  #3  So far this pregnancy has been going fast, DD#1 has been super excited about it and I think this time I will have her at the birth, I am not dead set on it as I thought I was going to have her around while giving birth to DD#2 but the pain was so intense after a while that I just had to have someone take her away, I was worried she would be scared.  I think this time though she understands more, it has only been a year but it seems like she has matured more... perhaps the year made a difference or perhaps at that very moment she went from being the baby I had to protect to being the big sister.


DD#2 Is growing like a weed! She has a great personality, such a clown always trying to make us laugh! She loves being the center of attention. She is walking and talking a bit. Her favorite toy is a baby doll which she nurses. Which makes me sad as the milk is slowly disappearing but she still comfort nurses :)

BB#3 Well growing as well, we have an appt with the midwife later this week, it should be uneventful though. My last one was at 14 weeks, My Midwife could not hear a heartbeat so we went for a sonogram turns out placenta was anterior.. (no biggie just means it was in the way) and we found out the gender!  Yep We found out already... We told everyone we weren't  finding out but it was a lie.. we were going to find out at the first chance.  SO we have known for the past month what BB#3 is but we're not telling! haha! Well at least not to everyone, we have told some people,  Why did we do this?

Simple.. I get annoyed easily by people's insensitive comments. If We were to have a girl I don't want to hear "Poor hubby" or  Better luck next time.. or 3 girls wow!  F' that If I am to have another girl I want to hear the same.. congrats! yaay! and that's it!

If I were to have a boy I don't want to hear.. "oh finally you get a boy" or Yaay now you have each gender, or are you finally done?  F' that too! If I were to have a boy I want to hear Congrats!  yaay! and that's it! I don't want people making a big deal because of a boy.

So either way it'd be equally annoying.. I'd rather announce yaay here's BB#3 and it's a .....!  Yaay!  

And there is just something so wickedly  cool about knowing and having it be a secret :)


So far Homebirth #2 is still the plan!  I can't wait for this baby to get here! :)

Humility the lesson that didn't get taught.

Humility (adjectival form: humble) is the quality of being modest, reverential, even politely submissive, and never being arrogant, contemptuous, rude or even self-abasing. Humility, in various interpretations, is widely seen as a virtue in many religious and philosophical traditions, being connected with notions of transcendent unity with the universe or the divine, and of egolessness. *wikipedia

Not an example of humility.

Last night with the news of Osama Bin Laden's death,  I was Happy to see most of my friends and Facebook acquaintances share the same sentiments.. What's going to happen now?  Why are they showing people cheering on the streets like they just told them they won a million dollars?  How are the anti-Americans going to react?  Why should we be happy and rejoicing over someones death?  A life is a life no matter how evil. Getting this man after almost 10 yrs is anti climactic as my blogger friend over at Fine and Fair expressed.
.
I am happy for the people fighting this war and the people who have been victims for the past 10 years.. 10 years!! let's not forget it's been that long!  Maybe this can bring some closure or some sense into this senseless war that has been going on for 10 years! I am happy for them and I hope they get to come home.. but I am afraid.

Kill the "queen bee" and the swarm will probably attack you, then they will be quiet.. making a new queen, regrouping.  Killing the queen bee will not destroy the hive..  The war is sadly far from over.


"An Eye for an Eye makes the whole world go blind" Said Ghandi.

Ok,.. now how does this pertain to parenting... Check this article out on bullying

Hit Back At Bullies? Not At This School

"This is the circle of bullying," Pearre explains during a classroom meeting devoted to the subject. She points to a chart that illustrates the roles: passive supporters, followers, the bully, the victim, and possible defenders

Watching this class, any former middle schooler might recoil and think, "It's wrong to rat on friends." And student Jay Kulkarni voiced what every boy listening to this lesson had to be thinking: "So if someone comes up to you and like, punches you, or does something physically violent, how do you defend yourself? Do you just stand there and watch?"


Don't let it get to that point, kids are told. Don't resort to violence, because it's wrong. And, as Pearre explains, it will land you in even bigger trouble

"Frederick County Public Schools has a zero-tolerance policy for any kind of physical violence," she warns

This is what we tell our children.. then we parade around happy about all of this.. attacking others with the word "unAmerican"  for not feeling the same way. What are our children learning from us?  Not Humility that's for sure.
 
I am not saying we should have treated Bin Laden to a bed of roses.. I am just saying be careful how you act in front of young impressionable minds.. and don't believe for a second that this is all over... sadly I am realizing after 10 years.. this is probably still only the beginning.  Call me Pessimistic..  but I am afraid.
 
And another thing I am American! I love this country.. and because of that I don't want to see it destroyed by hate.
 
Imagine there's no Heaven

It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one