Sunday, June 12, 2011

When did birth become a war?

cabanel the birth of venus

I think I have been living under a rock when it comes to the subject of birth.  I have been around the block when it comes to mommy blogs and forums for the past 5 years since being pregnant with my first and I have been aware on certain touchy subjects,  I can even understand why people on either sides of a controversial subject (do I even need to name them? lol)  can be upset, but birth? really??

A while back Facebook pages that I love got into a bit of a debacle, it was tough to witness as I loved them all  for different reasons, and I got great info from all.  I am my own person and I have a mind of my own, my own expectations of birth my own vision, my own respect for it.  If one page talked about something I wasn't comfortable with I would just simply ignore it, plenty of other advice was applicable to me anyway.  If someone tells me don't seek medical attention and I am feeling ill umm I don't know about you but I am going to do what I feel is best for me and my baby who the heck cares at that point who the person at the other end is.  If someone tells me I am being "selfish" for wanting to give birth at home, I really don't care either who the other person is.. I will do what I want to do, the other person doesn't know me and I don't know them, they do not know how I came to my decision and I don't know how they came to have the viewpoint they have.  In the end.. I march by the beat of my ow damn drum!  And I would expect that most people feel the same way. Why all the fighting?

After all of that dust settled  I noticed other pages popping out.. antithesis of other pages promoting natural birth, homebirth, freebirth etc. These pages express pride in c-sections, hospital births and it's fine  that's not the issue.  What I find disturbing is that these pages seem to be created out of believing that natural birthers think that giving birth at a hospital is lazy or uneducated.  I am saddened because I myself wouldn't want that label on me. 

I am a homebirther, that does not mean I am trying to be a rebel, it does not mean I am proving my womanhood, it does not mean I am a martyr, it does not mean I look down upon your c-section it does not mean I think you are uneducated, it does not mean I think all c-sections are unnecessary, It does not mean I hate hospitals or science or Drs, OB, Nurses etc.  It does not mean I preach homebirth to everyone, it does not mean I am better than anyone, nor inferior either, I do not follow a fad, I didn't educate myself on google, my midwife is not someone who is just educated online and I found off the Internet.

I love birth! I think it is miraculous, marvelous, amazing, no matter how it happens, I am happy for babies being born no matter where or how or when, Even if it's a woman wanting to schedule a c-section because she doesn't want to push I respect that as long as it was her decision to make and she wasn't tricked into it.. and even then I don't blame the women  I blame the Dr's.. I don't blame ALL Dr's I blame the status quo on birth in the U.S and I blame the fact that it has created lazy Dr's (NOT women) and it has created bad midwives as well who can take advantage of unsuspecting women who just want their picture of their "ideal birth".

There are  great Dr's out there and there are great hospitals too! and my wish is that the way they practiced was the norm in the U.S so that everyone was/felt safe  there.  Some women birth at home solely for the fear of a repeat traumatic birth, it's not even about proving anything to them it's just about avoiding being treated like Cattle about to be butchered again because this is how they felt their previous time. There is women who don't even have a choice as they cannot afford a homebirth, there are women who go to the lenghts of going unassisted even though that would have not been their ideal choice  because the thought of going to a hospital makes them panic!

There are women who have complicated pregnancies, complicated deliveries, and the only place that it's safe for them to give birth is at a hospital where the technology is readily available, there are women who just feel safer there, there are women who after much research have come to the conclusion that this is the safest way.

Birth is birth, to me if someone went through a pregnancy no matter what lenght and the end result was a baby full term, preemie or angel..  it was a birth. Vaginal, cesarean, 24 weeks  later, 42 weeks later, happy, sad, healthy baby, sick baby, angel baby. I am equally amazed by the strenght it takes for a woman to experience this life altering experience, from the moment there is a plus sign and a life is there a mother is born.   I listen to each birth story or loss story with respect, awe and intrigue. 

I love birth, I am not better than you and you are no better than me.. what matters in the end is that you feel healthy, fulfilled, satisfied, content and at ease.

So please... don't label me as a snob nor a dumb sheep doing following a flock.. because I don't label you either.

I birthed at home because this is what I felt was best for me personally. I have birthed at a hospital and the experience wasn't great and this time around.. though I plan to give birth at home again, I am fully aware on the implications and I am not blindly thinking this will go as planned.  Nature is a force to be respected and just like the second time I birthed I go into it with an open heart and an open mind. I am not afraid to seek the help of a hospital if needed, I just don't want to be there if I don't have to. But again, this is me and only me that I am speaking for.

Your birth matters! no matter how, when, where. Your baby matters and YOU matter!.

Happy Birthing to all! <3 Please know it's not  one vs the other when it comes to birthing, we are all different and we are all similar. Opening your heart to someones story without cynicism is a great opportunity to learn together, once we understand that birth isn't dictated by a mold we can then fight to keep it from becoming one. Birth comes in all forms.

An open minded birth aficionado <3


  1. Wonderful post! I posted something similar on my blog recently :

    I just think the important thing is we deliver a baby into this world, what a miracle no matter how we do it! We should never be made to feel guilty about how we go about it!! We are amazing women! Thank you for this! Hugs

  2. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post! I did not know the intense birth debate that went on until I became pregnant with my daughter. To be honest, I don't care how anyone else gives birth. That's completely up to them what they want to do and how they feel comfortable bringing their child into this world. It's a personal decision for every woman.

    I did end up with a c-section, which was very much unwanted. However I had pre-e, and was induced. I never progressed, and it ended in a c-section. However, in most cases pre-e is ended by giving birth, but in my case it didn't. I had a seizure 5 days pp (WHILE breastfeeding!). While I wanted a hospital birth (sans the c-section), I often get scared of what people will think of me for having had that c-section, while in my mind I know that it was best to get my daughter out as soon as possible. It sucks having to defend your child's birth to others!



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