Happy Birthday and Happy Blogaversary to me! :)

*WARNING: A couple of F bombs and realness from me..  if you don't like it  you can save your time and go read something educational cuz this sure isn't. tee hee!

Alright.. I am done working for the day... I have taken a nice shower with the tot.. and now I sit here on my last day as a 30 yr old  about to type some awesomeness I even have myself a nice glass of  Celebratory chardonnay next to me..   Yes I am 33 weeks pregnant, yes I still nurse and yes I am drinking a glass of wine.. *GASP!  not for you? kudos.. cuz it's definitely is for me.. ahh yeah.. *sip.


So I missed my blogaversary day.. but a year ago I started rambling about parenting.. why?  Because just like many other people out there I like expressing myself, I found writing somewhat therapeutic (until the negative nancy's and the asshats rain on my parade) and well I write about what I feel and what I know..

now do I know parenting? fuck no!  as good old Socrates said:

"I know that I know nothing!"   it's true! 

The impreciseness of the paraphrase of this as "I know that I know nothing" stems from the fact that the author is not saying that he does not know anything but means instead that one cannot know anything with absolute certainty but can feel confident about certain things.[2] *wikipedia (fuck yeah I like wikipedia sue me!)


AHH  let's repeat that.. in case some of you missed it.

"the author is not saying that he does not know anything but means instead that one cannot know anything with absolute certainty but can feel confident about certain things."


I don't know about any of the parenting choices I have made, am making and will make with absolute certainty but do I feel confident? Fuck yeah!

and that my friends is what I have learned in the past year.. 

I have not blogged as much lately and frankly it is because of the "know it alls" and the "tell you to's" out there.. who are they to tell me how to raise my children? 

One thing is informing about breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccines, birth..  INFORMING not pushing.. and even so whatever the hell someone chooses to do after being informed it's their freaking prerogative just be comfortable with your choice I have ALWAYS said that.. don't be whining about me making you feel guilty when it was clearly your choice, to do, not do, feed, not feed, cut not cut.. etc etc..

Another thing is telling people not to praise your kids or tell your daughter's their beautiful.( I love how my friend Christy Wrote about that.. I couldn't have said it better myself!) .., what gender neutral colors to put on your child.. how Disney characters are so evil...  to all those people  HA!  MY children are not YOUR social experiment.. yours are mine are not..  you have the right to say what ever you want and you might find some crazies out there that believe what you do but is your asexual, only wears white mystery child named  "Y" better than mine? I don't know man.. let's talk about it in 20 years if your kid is well rounded, and doesn't hate you or have issues then I'll eat my words meanwhile I laugh.


So anyway.. what was my point..  oh yeah.. I have not blogged because I don't want to be that person..
I don't want to tell you what to do..  I don't know any better.. I am not an expert and I am too fickle and change my mind often.  who cares what I say!

In the grand scheme of things..  I want to be remembered as the mother who enjoyed her children and loved them and squeezed the and played with them.. not just one who sat in front of a computer and wrote about how you should to the same...


Peace, Love and Happiness to all!

what a year!

are you a Negative Nancy?

This isn't a positive post.. nor informative.. I wanted to write something nice and witty but all that came out was this bitter rant...  was this specific to a person? Oh goodness no... I know LOTS of negative Nancy's unfortunately...  but in the past week I have found one too many... and thus this rant... enjoy.. or not...  P.S blogger doesn't let me comment on my own posts so boo! .. 

I'm gonna get straight to the point here..

In the age where humans interact via means like facebook there are certain things we need to keep in mind.

1. Not every post that offends you was meant to offend you..
2. You are not exempt from offending people either
3. You never really know the whole story behind someone's vent, rant, opinion
4. Just because Jane manages to get your panties in a bunch doesn't mean they are a horrible person.
5. The world doesn't revolve around you so stop taking things so personally.


Here is where I'm getting at..

We all have them.. the "friend" or "liker" who 90% of the time is MIA, yet when you manage to say the wrong thing or post the wrong picture or article they are the very first to jump on the boat and criticize, throw a tantrum, point fingers, call names, cry foul and whine about how you royally pissed them off, offended them and how you are so horrible. (sometimes they get a gang of friends to come back them up)

Half the time I don't care.. If someone is never around and they pop their head out just to complain I shrug them off, their opinion doesn't matter to me sad but why should I care when their interaction is not there for when I really do need it?   coming up for air just to complain makes you look like a total asshat!

And this is sad when the person has an actual point or constructive criticism..  because I would be more inclined to acknowledge them if they put a bit more effort into interacting and being there..  I would be more inclined to care about the person's feelings thus accommodating them and apologizing for my douchebaggery..  I know I'm wrong sometimes (Sometimes! Don't get too excited hahahaha)  but I will be more willing to take the blow if I cared two ships about you.


So think about this when you go around interacting with people everyday...  are you only popping out to complain? if so... maybe try to comment here and there and say something nice... then when you do complain.. people might actually care :P

The end.

Breast milk... The Original Soul food!

I never knew.. That one of the things I would consider to be of immense beauty was nursing a toddler.

I never knew it was in the cards for me to nurse a 16 month old while 7 months pregnant.

I never knew that I would want to keep nursing past a year..

I never knew that sometimes I would hate it but the thought of weaning makes me as anxious as it makes my daughter.

I never knew I would want to take so many pictures of my daughter nursing because I'm trying to capture the tenderness and beauty behind the eyes that look up at me while we sit together.

I never knew nursing a toddler though challenging is way more awesome than nursing a floppy newborn lol..

I now know...

It makes me angry that the nursing relationship with my first daughter was sabotaged from day one..  It makes me more adamant to get information out there to anyone I know that is pregnant..  I don't mean being pushy.. I just want you to know how awesome this is.. I wouldn't want anyone who means to breastfeed to miss this because outside sources are doing everything possible to sabotage women and their efforts. Sounds extreme but it's true.

Sometimes it's hard sure...  My little chubster comes up to me (She's actually up on my lap as of right now coincidentally asking for Bah bah? as she calls it tugging on my shirt)  and here she is  I had to take a pic of course... notice the growing belly lol and blogger on my laptop tee hee Boppy's hold laptops pretty well.

Sometimes she comes up to me at times where I don't feel like it but she quickly reminds me how I can't stand the sad baby face and I let her.. and I quickly melt. Other days it makes my skin crawl.. but  then I see this..

and it makes it all worth while..

Nursing her is a joy, a gift and something I don't think anyone but another nursing mother could understand.. so if you don't understand.. don't try.. and keep comments like are you still nursing? When are you going to  wean? you are spoiling your child!  to yourself.. this is not about you.. not about me.. it's about taking advantage of a great gift we were given.. our brains! We are mammals, we have breasts to feed our young but we also have brains that tell us this is more than nutrition.. this is comfort, bonding, the original Soul food!

People do many things in the world that are bad and hurtful to other people.. breastfeeding is not one of them..  you know the commercial "I'd like to buy the world a coke"  Well... I'd like for every baby out there to get some mommy milk!  I can't buy it.. I can't force it.. but I can try to facilitate it.

So Lactivists! Keep fighting the good fight!  I have mentioned it before and it was a lactivist that helped me get where I am today in the breastfeeding journey.. so keep doing your thing!

Get some babies their soul food!

Sincerely..
One mom in awe of the beauty that is nursing.
and one happy baby in awe of how good mommy can make her feel instantly.

I need your help.

This is one of those "I have a picky eater" cries for help.

Now,  before you formulate an answer for me please take this into consideration:

If You have been blessed with a child who eats a big variety of foods YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHERE I'M COMING FROM! So though your input is appreciated It wont do much. You can also assume why my child is picky and you can boast about how your child is an adventurous eater because he was exposed to healthy foods since day 1. umm nope... sorry to break it to you but though congratulations on your parenting you only have about as much to do with it as you do with the color of his/her eyes.  My husband and I love a variety of fruits and are big fans of vegetables.. we can be picky ourselves but never to this extent. and yes we were picky eaters as children.

My children once ate vegetables and  fruits and grains and yogurts and they cried for more artichokes and preferred carrots over chocolate.

Now I am not saying I am not at fault here... I have slowly given up hope thus reinforcing their (especially the 5 yr old's) unusual eating habits. I am a short order cook who only makes her perennial favorites in order to just get her to eat something! 

I also say both my children because my 15 month old the one who I made sure to feed as much as a variety as possible, the one who would eat all kinds of squashes and table foods and loved everything we would eat at the table is starting to mimic her sister and refuse to eat anything unless it's what her sister is having. 

This is where I draw the line.. this is where I need to ask for help as I feel this is a parenting issue where I don't feel in control anymore.. if that is the right word for it.


OK, let me explain my 5 yr old's pickyness.

Her pickyness stems from visual/texture  she definitely eats with her eyes first, and it has to be a certain texture or she will not eat it.. for example she likes cheese however she will not eat it if it is melted, she likes chicken but it can only be in the form of  chicken dinos (she will not eat any other kind) or it has to be grilled chicken breast  heck let me just give you the least of what she will eat since it's not even that long.

Drinks:  Milk, Soy Milk, cranberry, grape, apple juice. (sometimes orange)
Meats:  Chicken (dinos or grilled breast) Bacon (If it's super cooked she hates soft parts)  She used to eat red meat but now refuses it.  Hot dogs (Hebrew nationals are the ones we give her though she would eat any well we tried soy once and she spit them out)  Eggs (sometimes hit or miss, If they have chorizo in them which is a Mexican sausage then she will almost always eat them)
Cheese:  mild cheddar or string cheese only (as a snack with mustard yeah daddy's weird snack she likes)
Pasta:  pretty much any pasta as long as it has tomato sauce.  But only tomato sauce, no tomato chunks, no cheese, no meats. She HATES mac and cheese.
Bread: She has no problem with.
Fruits: Apples.  (yup only apples)
Vegetables: corn (only grilled) and potatoes as french fries (though I don't consider that a vegetable) 
Nuts:  cashews. peanuts. sunflower.

oh and of course.... Pizza but even then it has to be a certain kind from a certain place or she will not eat it.

What happens when I sneak food, or try to make her eat something? She gets disgusted, gags, and has even thrown up and gotten ill after oh and of course the crying on the floor..

Does she know when I sneak stuff in or substitute? The majority of times yes.. though sometimes it's been successful to lets say hide squash in pasta sauce.

What if I don't give in and give what we have as the only option? She wont eat.. she will go all day without eating.. which is why often I just give in and have her eat something... ANYTHING!


So my call for help is for those who have had experience with picky eaters... PLEASE HELP!!!  What can I do? What can I cook?  I am loosing the battle with my 15 month old and that is what is killing me the most!

I'm at a loss please steer me in the right direction...

A tale of the recurring "3 lines" ..

When I was pregnant with my first I was very excited of course,  If you asked me what I wanted I would have given you the cliche "whatever baby is, as long as it's healthy" answer (I know would change that just plain and simply "a baby" because of course I would not "not want" a baby if he/she wasn't healthy We love our children as they are).

I secretly hoped for a boy though, I was just barely becoming content with people my gender and barely embracing all things "girly". You see I spent most my teens and early 20's in a somewhat gender stereotype limbo. I was too "girly" to be a tomboy and too awkward to pull off being "girly".  My mother embraced the society rule of what a woman of the 80's should be .. heels, make up, dresses, fashion trends, perms, shoulder pads, floppy bow ties.. She never did teach me how to "be a girl" though.  I don't blame her, she didn't grow up with a mother as hers passed away when she was a toddler, whatever she learned she learned from TV, her peers etc.,  and she must have figured I would learn the same way.  Too bad I also grew up with an interesting contrast of an anti-social paranoid father who never wanted us to be sheeple and who threatened to beat me up if I became a whore or  beat me up if I became a lesbian.  I couldn't be girly and I couldn't be a tomboy. I didn't know who I could be if that makes sense..  I couldn't be like my peers so I was a bit confused until I moved away from them.

I was always the girl who had many male friends because I couldn't relate to girls, Back then I blamed it on them being drama now I admit I just felt awkward around them.  So  fast forward to my first child..  I secretly wanted a boy!  I wanted to dress him up in little punk rock clothing, I wanted to roughhouse, I wanted to give him a little Mohawk. I wanted trucks and Dinos and all those stereotypical boy things..  I wanted to teach him to be a good man! week 20th came along and when the sonographer said  See those 3 little lines? "it's a girl" My heart Sunk to dephts unimaginable!  I felt very deep disappointment and sadness, then I felt overjoyed and elated and happy and looking forward to the future all in the time frame of 5 seconds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am sure some of you understand that feeling.

Picture from Second Sono Yeah this time I was happy to hear she was "still a girl" ! :)

My little princess!

I had my second daughter in 2010,  When we got pregnant with her I knew she would be a girl.. I just had that feeling.  The day of the ultrasound came and I was 1% hoping they would say boy and alas.. those 3 lines again..  This time though.. I was not disappointed, I was super excited that my daughter would have a sister, something I didn't have and always wondered what it would be like.  I was excited to use the baby clothes I had saved from my first daughter and I wanted everything pink and girlie!

This time around?
Well  I didn't want to find out the gender, I didn't want to think of the possibility of a 3rd girl.. I didn't want to deal with the insensitive comments .. I already had gotten plenty from announcing that I was pregnant again just 10 months after giving birth to my second.  My husband wanted to find out though and curiosity got the best of me. I swore up and down it was a boy because this pregnancy has been so different from my last two..  I wasn't going to announce the gender because I wanted to avoid stupid comments like "your poor husband" or "wait til they're teenagers"  "better luck next time" etc..  but I think by not announcing it I am making it seem like we are disappointed and we're not.. we're elated to say  the 3 lines came back! It's  a girl!! 

Prior to finding out we started panicking at the possibility of this baby being a boy,  what on earth would we do?  When we go to grocery stores all we see are whiny crying boys! (I am sure there's whiny crying girls too but our biased view only lets us notice the boys hehe)   My oldest daughter didn't want a "little bother" (Thank you Olivia the pig for coining the phrase) so when the 3 lines came up on the screen we all literally clapped and cheered. "A girl! YAAAAAAYYYYYY"

I asked over at the Instinctual mamas page about other families with children of the same gender and your answers were so varied and yet so alike because the children we all have are loved no matter what! So here are my answers to the questions I asked.

Where you disappointed to find out your latest was of the same gender as his/her siblings?
Absolutely not! I was very relieved and excited!


Did you get insensitive comments from family and friends? How did you handle it?
Though I have been avoiding them I have gotten a couple from some.. to which I jokingly reply "Not my fault Hubby doesn't make boy sperm" lol..

Do you feel like you are not done ? If you are ...Do you ever wish you weren't?
No, I am not done I want 1 more though I actually want another girl just so people wont assume I am "trying for a boy"

Do you feel jealousy when someone has a baby the opposite gender?
Sometimes!  I think it's natural.. I sometimes feel like I am inadequate for not being able to get pregnant with a boy then I remember I am not in the middle ages.. I'll leave raising boys to someone else! Plus if it's the last name? My girls can always keep theirs! We live in the 21st century after all!


When did you feel at peace with your family as is? (if you were ever not at peace)
I felt at peace after my second daughter, after finding out just how awesome girls are!

Is the amount of children you have the result of seeking for a specific gender?
Nope!

What is the most awesome thing about having all boys/girls?
That they are mine!! and best of all.. that when they have babies of their own I wont have to walk on eggshells with a daughter in law.. Well I know not exactly like that but I am sure the children of your daughters are less off limits than the children of your sons <3

What are you most looking forward to?
Seeing them grow into women!, Grandbabies, perhaps attending their births if they want me to.

What do you wish people knew about having all boys/girls.
That you don't have to have "one of each" to enjoy your children, proof of that is people with big families of different genders, and sometimes.. having just a girl and a boy can still be lonely for the kids. I have a brother whom I love dearly but I always wished I had a sister too!

and with that said, I leave you with this...

"You can't always get what you want.... And if you try sometime you find...You get what you need"
Rolling Stones.

A Happy Ending, thanks to online efforts!

Rough translation by Rockin' Momma blog,  Source: "El Mundo"

HABIBA GETS CUSTODY OF HER BABY BACK 20 DAYS LATER..

CAM gives the baby back to the Moroccan mother who refused to wean.

Pedro Simon/Madrid.

Three weeks after the abrupt weaning caused by the Administration, Habiba once again is able to hug her 15 month old. The Ward Commission of the Instituto Madrileno del Menor y la familia (IMMF) decided yesterday to release custody to a woman Habiba, that by priory  had all the 3 defeat cards.  Immigrant (from Morocco) Poor and abused.  The case is that David has won the battle and Goliath has had to rectify. On the 30th of May the Madrid Community took the custody away of a 15 month old to a woman dependant on social services for lacking "economic resources" and "refusing to submit to a parenting class" (which implied to wean the child)  and yesterday it gave it back.

Never has custody been given back so quickly and that is due to something. The Official explanation is that Habiba now has an "employment offer" in the past couple of days she has "secured a place of residence" and she will initiate "psychological treatment". The unofficial story is that the matter was on fire in social networks and on pro breastfeeding forums, there were 20,000 protest signatures. The state Ombudsman, the prosecutor, and even the Spanish Association of Pediatrics were looking into the matter: the hypothetical case that custody had been taken from a low income woman for the simple fact of refusing to wean. 

Lourdes Reyzabal President of  "fundacion Raices" the organization responsible for bringing the case to light commented, "What happened deserves some serious though, You need a court order to tow a car from a garage  but not to take custody of a child, You should see the child as soon as she came out she has not let go of her mother: You have to see them they glow like never before!"

Who would have thought but the fact that the mom can hug this child is because Facebook exists the case came to light, she needed a job offer and now she has several, she has an offer to be a child care provider, to give Arabic classes, to be a lactation consultant, to cook Moroccan recipes...

A happy Ending!   One thing she has clear... Habiba will only work where they will let her be with her daughter.

Querida Habiba: Dear Habiba:

Querida Habiba:

Queria escribir un poco sobre como has conmovido a una parte del mundo que aunque pequena se sentia enorme el amor y la pasion con la que peleaban por ti.

Yo solo soy una madre con una bebe de la misma edad que Alma, con las mismas maneras de criarla que de solo imaginar que algo asi le pudiera estar pasando a una madre tan intuitiva, se me quebranto el conrazon y llore lagrimas del dolor que solo una madre puede entender.

todas lloramos contigo... cada lagrima que paso por tu rostro fue acompanada por mil lagrimas mas de otras madres que pensaban en ti cuado amamantaban a sus pequenos.

todas estuvimos contigo, pensando en ti, escribiendo, gritando, peleando porque te regresaran a tu bebe.

espero que sepas que estamos felices de que finalmente tengas a tu bebe en brazos y que recuerdes que algunas veces cuando el mundo parece cruel es cuando se demuestra que todavia hay gente buena en el mundo la mayoria de ellas madres.

Gracias por ser una madre ejemplar al excuchar a tus instintos, no dejes de ser asi.

Con mucho carino

Tanya y las miles de madres que lloramos contigo.


Dear Habiba:

I wanted to write to you about how you moved a part of the world that though small, the love and passion with which they fought for you was enormous!

I am just a mom with a daughter Alma's age, with the same ways of  raising her that just imagining that something like this could happen  to such and instinctual mother broke my heart and I cried  for your pain that only another mother could understand.

We all cried with you, thought of you, wrote, shouted, fought for your baby to be back in your arms.

I hope that you know that we are joyful that you have your baby back in your arms and that you remember that though sometimes the world seems like a cruel place it is then that we get reminded that there are still good people out there.. the majority of them mothers.

Thank you for being an exceptional mother and listening to your instincts! Don't stop being like this.

With lots of love,

Tanya and the thousands of mothers who cried with you.