The Innocent little shampoo...

Ignorance is bliss...  when you don't know you feel no duty or obligation to change things... except that sometimes.. what you don't know can potentially hurt you.

It occurred to me today to look up the ingredients in my daughter's shampoo.  She hates having her hair washed  so I figured if I let her pick a shampoo the bath time struggle would come to an end.. but I was wrong... either way I eventually got her to trust me to tilt her head all the way back to let me rinse her hair.

The Shampoo she picked.. a pink strawberry one with a bright cartoon character.. of course people who study years of marketing know how to make a  product seem kid friendly while appealing to the kids. And I admit they definitely appealed to my pocket.

Water, Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Cocamidopropyl Hydroxysultaine, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Dimethiconol, Carbomer, Fragrance, Polyquarternium-10, Sodium Citrate, Tea-Dodecylbenzenesulfonate, Tetrasodium EDTA, DMDM Hydantoin, PEG-150 Distearate, Methylchloroisothiazolinone, Methylsothiazolinone, PPG-9, Mica, Titanium Dioxide, Red 33

I want to list every ingredient and what I found but it is too much to list so I will give you links and a small snippet  to the ones I found most disturbing..  There's a thing to this.. my daughter would complain of burning in the eyes.. which I did not believe (she tends to over dramatize certain situations) and I blamed it on her not liking the water to hit her face.. I mean after all the darned thing said it was tear free! (man I feed bad now.. you will see why)

Sodium Laureth Sulfate  Both Sodium Laureth Sulfate (SLES) and its close relative Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS) are commonly used in many soaps, shampoos, detergents, toothpastes and other products that we expect to "foam up". Both chemicals are very effective foaming agents, chemically known as surfactants.


Unfortunately, both sodium laureth sulfate and its cousin are also very dangerous, highly irritating chemicals. Far from giving "healthy shining hair" and "beautiful skin", soaps and shampoos containing sodium laureth sulfate can lead to direct damage to the hair follicle, skin damage, permanent eye damage in children and even liver toxicity.

So why is a dangerous chemical like sodium laureth sulfate used in our soaps and shampoos?


The answer is simple - it is cheap. The sodium laureth sulfate found in our soaps is exactly the same as you would find in a car wash or even a garage, where it is used to degrease car engines.

In the same way as it dissolves the grease on car engines, SLES also dissolves the oils on your skin, which can cause a drying effect. It is also well documented that it denatures skin proteins, which causes not only irritation, but also allows environmental contaminants easier access to the lower, sensitive layers of the skin.

This denaturing of skin proteins may even be implicated in skin and other cancers.

DMDM Hydantoin For dead humans, they won’t probably mind getting a good dose of formaldehyde. Formaldehyde is used in embalming and it is also emitted by imidazolidinyl urea and DMDM hydatoin. These two formaldehyde-emitting chemicals are found in most of our personal care products in the market today. This substance can be in liquid or gas form, colorless and with a very distinctive smell.


Initially, formaldehyde is used for synthetic resins and textiles. Nowadays, it can also be found with your makeup, lipstick, baby shampoos, and moisturizers. For personal care products, they inhibit bacterial growth thus prolonging shelf life. Other uses of formaldehyde are for waterproofing fabrics, enhancing dyes, production of adhesives and binding construction materials.

This substance is known to cause cancer. Aside from that, it can also induce skin blisters, skin inflammation or dermatitis, dryness of skin and severe breathing problems. When absorbed in large doses, it can cause cancer while if inhaled, it can induce serious irritation to the eyes, nose and throat.

I googled more but found nothing as shocking.. though a lot of them were labeled carcinogens..
in my quest I also found this article about the safety of your baby wash..

in the same blog you will find How safe is your shampoo/conditioner.. (L'Oreal kids shampoo score SHOCKING!) and How  safe is your toothpaste
 
 

I know there are many untapped natural products out there.. a very commonly known California Baby  I discovered when looking for a safe Sunscreen I could use on my 3 month old since I was taking her to Palm Springs and she needed sunscreen but most say under 6 months to consult a Dr.  I gulped at the 20 dollars but decided it was well worth it.. and it was that thing lasts forever!
 
The Shampoo.. sure.. $10-14 dollars  for a shampoo seems like a lot compared to that $2.94 shampoo.. BUT I keep reading that it ends up lasting 4-6 them most I heard.. 8 months!  So it comes out to about the same!  EUREKA! Just how I discovered detergent with out all the chemicals and additives worked better for my laundry.. Personal care products work the same way..
 
I am changing our products.. one at a time.. especially for the sake of my children. Sure we can say carcinogens chemicals are everywhere BUT if we can have one less agent attacking them it can only be good for their health when it comes to the big picture right?
 
Besides the fact that you would be buying most likely from companies that don't do animal testing and that are environmentally responsible.  And made in the U.S!
 
I later that night stumbled onto this.. Conscious living manifesto I invite you to check it out!
 
Other places to check out
 
Conscious community facebook
 
One Natrion Under Mom
 
Non-Toxic Kids.net 
 
California Baby on facebook
 
 
Got any advice? DO you have favorite chemical free products? Are you an expert in no-poo? Know of more pages like this? Any suggestions?  please feel free to share! <3

It's all fine and dandy until....

Here's the thing... I'm very middle of the road and I am a sympathetic person, I do put myself in other people's shoes and I do respect the fact that people have feelings.  However I am passionate about certain subjects,  If you glimpse through this blog you'll find that I am pretty mellow and I am not pro black nor pro white.. I am a make your own choices and be happy with them advocate.

Until I talked about circumcision...  and the statement that got deconstructed, misquoted and selectively read by certain people. In "I'm going to give my newborn a tattoo" I wrote:

"I Do not judge parents who have circumcised their children... I DO judge those who then refuse to read the information that they didn't read before and admit their mistake. Because I doubt anyone who reads all the evidence would still do this to their child. Especially after watching the videos of circumcisions being performed. I could have posted those here but I didn't want to go there."

let me clarify this...

I Do not judge parents who have circumcised their children
it is not my right to judge, I do not know your circumstances..

You could have done it not thinking you had a choice  "A Mother's guilt" by Adventures in Mommyhood
They could have done it without your consent "No Longer Intact: My son's story" by Barbara Smalley
It could be really important to your religion so much so you felt like God would not forgive you. "Circumcision: a Source of Jewish Pain"  "A letter from a father to a son"
You could have been pressured "Circumcision: What the didn't tell me" by Honestly yours, Me.
You could've really just had the best intentions at the time for your child.  "a Letter to my son" by Lauren Stone
You could also be very pro male circumcision and have researched and found that it was the way to go for you. "Proud Moms of circumcised boys" on cafemom group.

I do not know.. and it is none of my business! What you did already if it was your flat out choice is yours to deal with if you are ok with that, no need to explain, defend, or try to validate. And there is no need for anyone to attack you. 


I DO judge those who then refuse to read the information that they didn't read before and admit their mistake. Because I doubt anyone who reads all the evidence would still do this to their child. Especially after watching the videos of circumcisions being performed. I could have posted those here but I didn't want to go there.

This is where I royally fucked up.. (pardon my french)
I gave you the opportunity to read this first...
I DO judge those who then refuse to read the information that they didn't read before and admit their mistake.

And immediately go red in the eyes, then blinded by the outrage of my arrogant cuntness as someone called me,  over me calling what you did a mistake..  you missed the rest..

Because I doubt anyone who reads all the evidence would still do this to their child. Especially after watching the videos of circumcisions being performed. I could have posted those here but I didn't want to go there.


I should've softened the blow beforehand not punched you then helped you back up.

I guess more people would've read the whole paragraph in its entirety if it would've said:

I Do not judge parents who have circumcised their children , however if after being presented with evidence, and watching videos or circumcisions being performed, you still would do this or not admit that perhaps what was done to your child was a mistake then I judge. And I would have gone there with the videos...

It is because I put myself in other people's shoes that I cannot be middle of the road about circumcision, I put myself in that baby's shoes, how can you watch this and not feel anguish for them, which is why most parents are "spared" from being present during the procedure.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAGNnqyNidY





It's all fine and dandy until you question your decisions as a parent or feel that others are questioning you. I have been there, I have felt attacked because I was uncomfortable with my choices.. However I don't expect you to change your mind.. and you shouldn't expect me to validate your choice to circumcise.. at least maybe if you can at least sit down and watch all the videos I just posted and tell me with your heart that you would do it again if time could be turned back. Then I would sit down open my heart and listen to your reasons why you would.

The links I posted up there, with the exception of the cafemom one, and the Jewish father who did not circumcise, are all moms who circumcised for different reasons I invite you to read their stories.

Intent, delivery and acknowledgement: The sugar to your lemonade.

In the gentle parenting world we all have our views and ideals. Some would argue that some of those ideals are more extreme than others. I consider myself middle of the road in some cases, that is not to say that I can not take a firm stance on something I feel passionate about if to me it seems like the only way. For example breastfeeding, though I made many mistakes when I started on this parenting road, I learned and can now tell you I could never be middle of the road on breastfeeding, I will never tell someone formula is ok.. I may acknowledge that in some cases (very rare because I can still argue donor milk can be a choice).. In some cases like complete rejection by the body of human milk that formula though not the ideal could be the last resort.  But that would be rare...

With that said.. do not confuse my middle of the road views at times for lack of  a backbone.. I can assure you I can stand by gray.. with the same passion as I choose black or white.. If I feel gray is reasonable and there is no tangible proof to me that black or white are  right.

That to me is the parenting area where discipline, (I hate that word.), rules, examples, behavior, education come to play.

You will find extremes from raising a child like a soldier, all the way to not making your child say please, thank you, learn to share or be expected to act politely.  Both work for parents that choose to go that route but not for me..

Outcomes on both sides will still vary!  For every child raised like a soldier that becomes successful and appreciative of the parents efforts  I assure you there is another one that grows up to be resentful and angry, and backlashes, perhaps engaging in less than desirable behavior.  For every free spirited child of a hippie in the 60's I assure you some grew up to crave structure and stability and made sure they included that in their future families.

Then thing is when it comes to parenting there is no right nor wrong answer.. there is no book that will tell you everything you need to know to guarantee you a successful well rounded person..

there is a couple of things... Intent, delivery and acknowledgment.

Intent

If you decide to raise your child as a soldier or a free spirit you must ask yourself what is your intent?
Do you mean well? Meaning is this to make your life easier or is it to teach your child a valuable lesson.

It is not the same to raise an unstructured child because you lack the info and you don't know what to do .. or to rebel at how you were brought up than to do so out of wanting his natural tendencies to surface and deal with the emotions behind them and to do so with research, as to what this entails.

It is not the same to raise a soldier out of enforcing your supreme authority  than to raise a soldier knowing that hard work and discipline can be keys to a successful path.


Delivery

Do you keep in mind that your child is still a child? are you empathetic?  DO you know when to question and re-evaluate if what you are doing is working?  Do you consider giving in failure in your part, or do you see it as a message that you might want to change something. Do you feel like it is you vs your child.
If you enforce rules do you do it kindly but sternly, or sternly but kindly?  All of this to me makes a difference.


Acknowledgement.

I think we must acknowledge that human nature.. is human nature..  the most basic human needs according to  Manfred Max-Neef  are

subsistence,


protection,

affection,

understanding,

participation,

leisure,

creation,

identity and

freedom.

are we acknowledging and making sure these needs are met, regardless of what parenting style we adopt?
 
Do we acknowledge that when it comes to parenting we know nothing?  We know what we have lived and we practice what we choose.. but in reality, do we acknowledge that no matter what you do, your child will grow up to be an adult with a mind and free will of his own?
 
Do we acknowledge that as your child grows the rules of the game will change.. you cannot treat a teenager like a child? Maybe a toddler yes but not a kid ?
 
Do we acknowledge that we have to be there for our children.. no matter how busy, how tired, or how much you need to work.. you need to be there.
 
Do we acknowledge that our job is to steer them the right way not dictate it.
 
Do we acknowledge we are not perfect.
 
I think parenting no matter what style you choose to follow.. can be like a pitcher of lemonade. If you just add lemon to water it's going to end up a  bitter mess....  Sugar by itself is just sugar... and who wants to eat spoonfuls of just that? You'll get sick.. but mix them together int he right amounts and you might end up with  something refreshing.
 
I don't have all the answers... I don't claim either side..I am not a parenting guru  but I am a mom just like you.. and all I know is before I choose to take a plan of action in regards to my child's upbringing I always make sure I got those 3 areas covered..  I am not looking for the next Super Doctor.. I am not looking for the next philosopher.. I am looking for a well rounded, HAPPY, caring, responsible adult.. that can look back and say.. I am thankful to my parents.. without them I would not be where I am today.... no matter what path they choose. 
 
In the end you do what works for you.. like I said there is no right or wrong.. we wont know if what we do has worked until our children are adults..  But hopefully I have inspired some to lighten up in their quest to find the "perfect parenting method" as you will not find it in a book. Nature is smart.. she gave us a heart, a conscience and instincts. I think if we listen to those.. we will be ok.
 

5 years in Pictures..

Half a Decade! ;---haha that sounds like a long time. But it's not... it has gone by so fast..

5 years ago I  gave birth to you My little cheeky monkey.. It was not the birth I had hoped for but you were finally here and you were finally mine!

You came into our lives and you turned them upside down!
You turned us into people we couldn't even anticipate we'd become
You made us vulnerable
You made us humble
You made us caring
You made us responsible
You made us proud
You made us happy.
You taught us the world was a much bigger place.
You... our tiny little person, you did all of this.

The first year was full of milestones, sleepless nights, laughter, tears, joy and sorrow..
To see you grow so fast was not something we expected .... I knew once you turned 1 it would all be so fast.



don't worry that was not inside of a car.. chest clip at chest level bar down



AGE 1 You have always been so loved..

A Card from your grandpa

mmm cake!

My friends were your friends when you were too little to have your own :D

Your Second Cousins

Your first Pinata



All the presents you got!



When you learned How to walk.. 14 months.. you decided one day you would just get up and walk

AGE 2

AGE 3

AGe 4
SORRY! WE had no camera this year! but I promise you had a lovely birthday Tinker bell themed! and the rain stopped enough for you to have fun with your friends!

AGE 5. today....

5 years! I am blessed and honored to be your mom.. Today is bittersweet..
You are on your way to being a big kid!
You have your own likes and dislikes,
Your opinions
Your views of the world (as many as a 5 yr old's innocent mind has)

And I am happy in some way I shaped them, In some way I have preserved your innocence and your sense of sympathy towards others.

I am holding on to this day because I know and I hope many more will come.. but just like your other birthdays, none as special as this.. Every year of your life I am grateful, and every year of your life is a gift.

I am happy you chose me! you always make it a point to remind me that just as I wouldn't want any other you... you wouldn't want any other me.

I hope you had and will continue to have a super special day.. and the bst is yet to come my sweet child...

Thank you for teaching me how to be a mom, and I pray one day you'll teach me how to be a grandma.

Love!
Your Rockin' Momma!

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Dear Politicians..I have solved the budget crisis!

Your Job is to look out for the country right? to represent our interests, to make America the best country it can be. To make sure every one of its citizens rights is looked after, to preserve the peace, fight any threats and to rally people with like minded views to be represented.

I want to propose something to you,
Before you go on, redefining the term rape, overturning roe vs wade, figuring out how to spend more or less money let me tell you what you are overlooking.

MOMS! We are a powerful resource, instrument and revenue in this economy.

Here are a few things I would love to see changed: by the way in doing so I managed to save you a big chunk of money. You can thank me later.

BIRTH

I would like the DHS regulate unnecessary interventions and hospital practices in regards to laboring women. I would love the pressure to reduce c-section rates particularly for those covered under Medicaid. 
I would love to see incentives given to women to participate in natural birth classes while under Medicare, to be encouraged to deliver with the aide of a midwife or a birthing center.  Incentives can be in the form of extended maternity leave pay, food vouchers, etc. <--we can get creative and I'll tell you why..

You'd still be saving money!

Medicaid pays for over one-third of all births in the United States each year and provides health coverage to one in every four American children.

According to baby center there are approximately 4 million babies born in the U.S each year.

If Medicaid pays for over one third lets assume they pay for 1.5 million births. The Federal government matches each state for each dollar they spend.

A typical vaginal delivery costs between $9,000 to $17,000
A typical c-section  $14,000 to $25,000
A midwife 2000 to 4000

Do you see where I'm getting at? Can you do the Math?  we could potentially cut that spending in half! In State and federal levels!

While you're at it can you make it so I don't have to pay in advance for my midwife and wait 1 yr before my insurance refunds me 50% of it?  Thanks.


Maternity leave and Breastfeeding and public health

Let me flat out tell you 6 weeks is a joke!
We know flat out that Human milk should be for human babies, that breast milk helps prevent, diseases, obesity, cancer etc.. 
However there is a magical yet inconvenient < -- when you only have 6 weeks. Event that happens at the baby's 6 th week. A growth spurt!  During that event baby needs to be nursing constantly to increase and stabilize the mother's supply.
You have no idea how stressing it is to go back to work only to be overwhelmed by unstabilized hormones, a still changing body and on top of that find that you cannot pump enough milk to provide the babysitter with to feed your child.  Things quickly go on a downward spiral and this is the time a lot of women either, switch to formula, or quit their jobs thus cutting their income in half (in situations where both parents are involved) and more often than not rely on public assistance to make ends meet.

If given the opportunity to have a decent amount of leave even 6 months, the difference could be great!  Healthier children cutting down on health care costs,  Less formula use for WIC women, and perhaps less women leaving the workforce.

Greener incentives

I'd also love to see incentives like tax breaks for people who cloth diaper. Why? Because of the impact this would have on the landfill.  We know in a world where big corporations rule this will be a tough one.. I do not think Pampers and Huggies would be too much of a fan of this as it would put a tiny damper on its production costs.. but consider this? Already there are people stretching out the use of their diapers, they say so themselves on their every little bottom campaign.  Perhaps they should step into the more greener alternatives.

With this I would also love to propose that daycare centers who receive payment from government subsidies be forbidden from denying cloth diapers. A mom can provide a wet bag, and the provider can turn it in at the end of the day. FECAL matter is supposed to be flushed anyway! It says so on disposable diapers! I know  nobody does this!

Buying American incentives.

American made means American jobs period!  We need to stop supporting China's economy in our search for cheap! The economy is bad but if we made purchases like for example.. a car seat.. every baby needs one right? Lets buy American!  Baby products.. lets buy American!  I think if we got a lower sales tax on American items it would make the world of difference.. people would start looking to buy American products to save some money.. and the people who don't want to bother can still pay the regular tax.


I like my ideas... I know in theory they sound good.. and perhaps they might be unrealistic to some but this is what we need.. ideas!  what the politicians are doing right now arguing back and forth putting us more into debt is not working obviously... We need to brainstorm! make changes! raise our mommy activists fists and demand change!

What are your ideas? If you would like to write about this I propose a blog carnival! Head on over to Instinctual Mamas right now to read more about it and participate!

"The American Mother's Impact on the economy"
(an underrated contender)

March of Kindness.

People that know me know I tend to be on the cynical side..
I love to help others, I genuinely care for everyone (but I do go by the fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me Chinese Proverb) I like doing random acts of kindness whenever I can with Strangers, I am known to let you go ahead of me if you only have a couple of items at the store or opening the door for you. Giving money to those who seem to genuinely need it, contacting a manager over awesome customer service and not just to complain about bad one.. etc. I am known to help friends in need reaching out to them before they even ask.

However I am reluctant in participating in things just because everyone is doing it. I am the sort of person who doesn't post something that I am grateful for on my facebook status  in November because darn it I have all year to do it! . I am like a stubborn old man. .. However Code name Mama's March of kindness struck a chord with me..

I often am kind to strangers and friends more than I am with my own family and that is really sad.

Of course I do things like be gentle, cook, clean  etc.. but some days I feel if this were a paying job I am doing just enough to not get fired.. and enough to be indispensable, but nothing too astonishing or praise worthy.

That has to change!

I want to participate in hopes that I will learn from this experience and that my family gets an even better side of me.

For this Month  I will be concentrating on

Kindness to my children and my daytime children
Kindness to my spouse
kindness to my family

Kindness to the people in my everyday life that I take for granted (i.e postal worker, neighbors <--maybe I only like one lol...  stores I frequent.. my husband's co-workers and supervisors, that awesome dude at my local bank who always hooks it up etc)

I do not know how often I will be posting about this but I hope it is often.

Today I want to be kind to my spouse, yesterday I was sick and I called him crying at work and he dropped everything to come take care of me, the baby and the daytime kids.. he shuttled them all to school, he went to the store for whatever I needed and he never complained.  I think I owe him some kindness. :)


Thank you Code Name: Mama for such a delightful idea!