Credit where credit is due.

I was recently having a conversation with a friend at my house and I was telling her about how having kiddos was like, I mentioned something to the lines of.. "I am the mom that I am thanks to my husband's help"  Funny because I realized that the moment I said it.

If I didn't have my husband's help, If I were a single mom, If I were a military mom, you bet your sweet heiny that things would be different. I could not sit here preaching about being a "gentle parent"  To me it would be impossible..  I have a temper.. I have anger issues.. I get frustrated easily,  Yelling to me is like breathing sometimes.. I don't even think I'm doing it and I am..  Now don't worry I got most of it under control, on most days..  and my daytime kids never really bring this out of me they're perfect angels because I'm not their mom..  Yeah.. kids only seem to mess with their own parental units.

photo by paiphotography.com

But there's times when I get so frustrated (mainly with the 5 yr old) and that's when the hubby comes to rescue me.. he takes on the task of entertaining and calming down the bubbly  insatiable one..  She is such a bossy, hyper, demanding, drama queen,  yeah yeah good traits  she's not a bad kid.. but after 12 consecutive hours it can sort of become nails on a chalkboard.  The Urge to scream arises like a scene from the incredible hulk.  I want to yell "shut up" "stop that" "why won't you listen to me!!" "go away!"  I don't...  instead I let a huge *sigh and tell her ok can you wait? Daddy's coming home soon.  And then I consider curling into the fetal position on the bathroom floor and crying.  Ahh Parenting not for the weak! not at all!  If you only have a baby at home.. you think the terrible 2's are something to fear? no.. that's nothing.. I'll take the terrible 2's a million times over the furious five's   at least when they are the "terrible 2's" you know the problem is them not having the ability to communicate effectively.. when they're 5 the problem is they got you all figured out.. they got a mind of their own.. and just like you can't change the mind of other adults sometimes you can't change the mind of a 5 yr old either.. unless there's ice cream involved.. but you can only resort to that during emergencies.

I do sometimes like her feistyness.. if a stranger, family member dared questioned my parenting and called her a brat.. I'd be quick to say my child is witty, strong willed and Lucky to be able to express herself freely  and I'd accompany that with my tongue sticking out at them.    But in reality it's difficult.. but I didn't get into the parenting rollercoaster to have a boring easy ride did I? I didn't know what I was getting myself into but I knew it wasn't going to be easy and I knew I really wanted to do it.. I just happen to scream in horror every once in a while when the rollercoaster looks like it's going to take a turn for impending doom..  then I laugh when I realize I made it.Doesn't mean I want off nor that I'm gonna just close my eyes the rest of the way.

ANYWAY....

Back to what the point was..  I am grateful that my husband helps.. I think we make a perfect team.. Together we may not make ":super parent" but we help each other up when the other one's down.. We carry each other when we can't walk anymore.  And there's always teaming up against the wretched 5 yr old.. when we both say no all hell breaks loose and well.. at least then we can laugh about it..

But I don't just want to sit here and brag about my awesome life partner ..partner in life...

I want to send a shout out to all single moms, married moms who are like single moms (for one reason or another sometimes it can be work, sometimes it can be just the way things are) Military moms..  Who still manage to be gentle parents..

You all rock my socks.. I don't know how you do it.. I'm a Pansy!  And you deserve acknowledgement for riding this rollercoaster in the front seat with the bollocks that you have!

Much love! <3

A gentle mom with help.

Are Crunchy Latinas really that rare?

You know it never really dawned on me... I was looking at the blacktating blog and then I realized.. I wonder if there's a chichi blog... (Latino slang for breasts) like an equivalent of a blacktating blog for Latinas.

Though I was born here, I grew up in Mexico.. Tijuana to be exact.. My mom worked at a local IMSS clinic, sometimes I would get to spend the day there if I had no school, I would hang out with the "parteras rurales" rural midwives.. they were paid by IMSS to help deliver babies in rural areas of Tijuana, we even had an emergency birth at the clinic once too!  The clinic was not equipped for a birth but the nearest IMSS hospital in those days was 30 minutes away but realistically with the traffic.. 45 minutes to an hour.. I will never forget that day.. it was a February 2nd, They appropriately named that baby Candelaria.

I used to sit with them while they showed expectant moms this new high tech video for its time where you could make choices, kind of like those books where you go to a certain page if you make a certain choice and the outcome of the story was different each time. You would push a button for the character in a novela to start breastfeeding and push another button to have her switch to formula or to keep breastfeeding.. I saw all variations of this novela. The breastfed family was well rested , happy and healthier while the formula fed baby was cranky and the mom was sleep deprived from washing bottles int he middle of the night and mixing and heating formula until it reached the right temperature.

I guess the exposure to birth and breastfeeding got engraved in me.. I often wonder what the would think of me if they knew I am a breastfeeding, baby wearing in my rebozo, home birthing mother. They'd probably say I'm a dying breed.

C-section rates are up 50% in Mexico,  1 in 2 babies are born via c-section and I was informed the rate is higher for private practices.

I do not know what the percentages of breastfeeding are in Mexico all I can say is aside from the videos I didn't know much about breastfeeding, my mom formula fed us and the only time I saw a woman breastfeed was my mom's friend who had a salon.. she once whipped her boob out in broad daylight and fed her toddler.. I remember I found it shocking and I hid behind my mother but when I saw that this lady kept going with her conversation as if nothing was happening I found a sense of normalcy in the situation.

The Only baby wearing I came in contact with growing up in Tijuana was this...

And gentle parenting... no my friends... (you can read that in a cheesy Hispanic accent)

I grew with la chancla! and with el cinto!



Tchirts.com

I am not the only person that chose to parent this way because I wanted to do the opposite of the way I was brought up, I had my share of experiences of things that weren't right while growing up but it's not something this post is about..  but it did have an influence I have to admit.

As I sit here typing this I can tell you the only people in my life that do things similar to me are all online. I have looked up meetings, groups, etc and they all are in the North county of San Diego, where the population is predominantly white.  Down here in the south bay, you don't really see much of that, people don't even know we have a birthing center in the area  "birth roots" Everyone assumes the only birthing center is in Hillcrest, more up north.

A Home birth for a Latina most likely was an unplanned, "In 2006, non-Hispanic white women were three to four times more likely to have a home birth than women of other race and ethnic groups. Home births were more likely than hospital births to occur to older, married women with singleton pregnancies and several previous children" 1


A big thing about this is the culture has evolved!  In the Hispanic culture it is so normal to ask "parto natural o cesarea?"  (natural or c-section) because it could go 50/50  and cesareans are looked as normal.  You ask "Pecho o teta?" (breast or bottle) and most likely you will hear "las dos" Latinas initiate breastfeeding in higher numbers than the U.S. average (80% compared to about 75%). But Latinas also supplement more than the average (at two days, 33% compared to 25%). Which prompted a campaign in Connecticut called Las dos.* 2

You hear things like "lo vas a embrazilar"  meaning if you hold your baby too much he'll get used to your arms. You hear instances of putting honey (a big NO-NO before the age1)  in baby's pacifier so they can take it. The grandmas all have an opinion on when you should start feeding your baby solids.. in my paternal family it wasn't unheard of for a 3 month old to be eating bread soaked in bean broth. Family can a lot of times be counteractive to any efforts made to breastfeed or parent gently.

A big part of our history is that the first generations of immigrants that started coming to this country were loosing their customs and culture to assimilate to the western culture. It still goes on today, a lot of Mexican American youth do not know where they come from or even know spanish.. My family is guilty of that, My husband is half mexican american, half caucasian. I am mexican american, my husband does not know Spanish as his mother doesn't either (his grandparents did not teach Spanish to their children in fear they would develop and accent) I read, write and speak spanish because I was raised in Mexico but sadly.. I have not been passing this on to my daughters, it is much easier to speak English in my household :(

With that said.. we are loosing things that would come naturally to our culture such as babywearing, breastfeeding, homebirthing, attachment parenting to "modern living"

I looked online for resources on latinas and breastfeeding, babywearing, homebirthing and there wasn't much to read.

I googled "attachment parenting latina" and did stumble on this blog called "culture mami"
I felt like I found a needle in a haystack! though rather easily  thanks google..

I also was very excited a bit ago to learn of Dulce de Leche another Crunchy mami  out there in the online world..

I am glad other latinas are out there speaking their minds on the parenting front.. We don't have to assimilate to mainstream, when abuletita tells you, you're hugging your bebe too much mija.. You don't have to put him down you can tell her you want to do things like her grandparents did.

I hope if anything somehow Other Latinas get inspired and come forth with their crunchiness and inner Indigena.

If want to keep a list of fellow gentle latina parents, if you know of any blogs, stories, articles, shoot them my way and post them on my facebook wall  facebook.com/rockinmommablog

Lets not be so rare!

Sources
1 http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1523-536X.2010.00444.x/abstract
2 http://breastfeeding.blog.motherwear.com/2010/10/las-dos.html

I'm going to give my newborn a tattoo!

I though about it... it makes sense,

If my baby were to be snatched from me people would easily recognize her by the tattoo I gave her.

I have a "tramp stamp" and I want her to look like mommy.

All the boys will like her, and she will never be teased for not having a tramp stamp.

The Doctor's say babies don't feel pain, I can just give her a little sugar water, while they tattoo her little back.

I'll save her the pain of having to make the decision later and going through the pain because I am just SO SURE that she will want her own tramp stamp.

She might be upset at me for not taking her to get it "over with" when she was little.


Now the Problem is... NO tattoo artist would in their right mind's tattoo a baby!, It is illegal for someone under 18 to get a tatto. BUT SHE IS MY CHILD! Why would the government try to tell me what I can or can't do with my own kid! Oh.. wait.. am I shocking you?? Let me ask you... Would you tatto your child? My guess is no.


And I wouldn't either.. and NO, though I do have tattos, I don't have a "tramp stap" BUT Kudos to the ones that do.. the great thing about it is that if you did.. it was YOUR choice, not your parent's. YOU made a choice to get it done and you are either happy (or not as we know most of us aren't all there at 18, some are but not most)


BUT it is NOT THE SAME.

YES IT IS! CIRCUMCISION IS NOT MEDICALLY NECESSARY! just like a tattoo isn't! It is merely an aesthetic procedure. The most common reason.. "so the boy can look like his dad".

I asked my husband (he's anti circumcision after I painfully explained what he was missing out on I was doing research after I read on the "debate" going on many mom forums.) if he ever compared his penis' with his father's they took showers together just like I do with my girls, they were both circ'd but his answer was, "it doesn't matter it wasn't a big deal I didn't look hard enough, besides of course it was different than mine, his was a grown man's! Now I don't know how many of those boys that have been circumcised to look like their dad's get to compare penises as adults. Do you?


Another popular reason is, "so he wont be teased" I don't know of many activities nowadays that require boys or girls being naked together... people are so scared with liability and sex laws that I remember even when I was in High school, the showers were used as storage for the school. What we need to know is teach in sex ed the differences of a circumcised and uncircumcised penis, it's proper care AND teach the FUNCTION of the foreskin, because it HAS a function. SEXUAL PLEASURE.

Does diminishing your son's pleasure in the future, worth your convenience? Is it worth your ignorance? "Ignorance" Is not an insult.. it is only an insult when you stubbornly decide to look the other way and not take in the information that is presented to you out of stubbornness, pride or shame about what has already been done.

I am trying to save future sons from such an unnecessary intervention.

You can Read more here this is the first thing that popped on google when I was doing research and I didn't need to read more, this changed my mind immediately.

Informed Consent for a Medically Necessary Circumcision <----THIS IS NOT a PRO nor a CON site, It provides information! and just reading that alone made me decide to keep my future sons if I had any intact.

Here is a great Post FULL of info, if you want to get more into the subject..

How Far would you got to reject your child by Guggie Daly.

Another Reason I am comparing Circumcision to tattooing.

Are we allowed to tattoo a child because of religious beliefs?

Some People have tattoos some don't but in the end it is not up to us to make that choice for them.

Some States allow it with parental consent, some not at all, but would any respectful tattoo artist work on a child?

I am also doing this because A man, yes a MAN! started a proposition going in San Francisco to BAN Male Genital cutting. Read more here .. And it has caused an uproar all over the web and on T.V while it's a great step.. I believe it should be like tattooing.

Make the legal age 18! You're allowed to modify your body then out of your own personal CHOICE!, don't take away the choice period... just let the individual do so for himself!

Let's see how many 18 yr olds would do it, especially after they learned what circumcision takes away..... Pleasure!

I Do not judge parents who have circumcised their children... I DO judge those who then refuse to read the information that they didn't read before and admit their mistake. Because I doubt anyone who reads all the evidence would still do this to their child. Especially after watching the videos of circumcisions being performed. I could have posted those here but I didn't want to go there.

Like I said before, Making decisions for your child is NOT your RIGHT! it is you PRIVILEGE! and as such we must research any decision we make for them. We will make mistakes.. but there is nothing wrong in admitting you were misinformed or not informed at all , moving forward and spreading the message to someone who is not yet informed with the facts.

Knowledge is power, and with knowledge comes the responsibility to make better choices and spread the facts.

Pic from amazingdata.com