Saturday, May 12, 2012
another lame blog about the stupid time's article.. nah!
Had the title been a marathon runner and it said... are you Strong enough? would it had gotten the same backlash? My husband today made a good point.. "it provocatively calls for are you willing to take on this challenge? " See not everyone is willing to and some can't run a marathon.. but do we censor ESPN for it? umm. no!! I for one love the pic, love the provocative nature of it too! :P Mommy guilt is a bitch!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Facebook's slap in the face.
On Saturday evening I was hanging out on facebook when a friend Messaged me about a page she had came across she asked me to flag it and after looking at the page I told her I'd do something even better I'd flag it and get other moms to flag it by posting it on Instinctual Mamas , one of my pages.
I always believed that the only reason pictures on facebook that showed nursing were deleted was that it had to be someone flagging it, so I mention pages of this nature were not flagged down which is why they stood, so I asked the moms following the page Instinctual mamas to flag the page down.
The next morning I woke up to find this..
Pardon the F bomb blurred in the background but I was annoyed :P
This was my second warning, My first was a breastfeeding pic that I got removed from a breastfeeding page, which sadly did not care when I let them know that my picture had been removed so I moved on from it..
The thing is.. yes I shared an "obscene" link, don't get me wrong I am not against nudity really those things don't scare me but the hypocrisy drives me nuts! Facebook cries that they want to keep it clean and goes on deleting sprees and had they deleted the page, then it would have been worth me getting canned for the time being if mission had been completed and that was to let them know they were allowing this page to stand.
Here is the page alive and kicking,
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Total-Sexy-Women-18/345344538847268
Not even that! It's grown 200 fans in about 36 hours..
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT... I SHARE A LINK TO A PAGE FACEBOOK IS HOSTING TO LET OTHERS FLAG IT DOWN, I GET PUNISHED FOR SHARING SUCH PAGE AND THE PAGE STILL STANDS???? HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE????
Needless to say I am livid!! And all of you moms who have been bullied by facebook's policies should!! Please continue to flag this page down!! The hypocrisy is unnerving! I feel like we all should be apologized to or at least they should wake the hell up and delete this page already and many others I am sure exist!
GET IT RIGHT FACEBOOK!!!
Sincerely one pissed off mom!
I always believed that the only reason pictures on facebook that showed nursing were deleted was that it had to be someone flagging it, so I mention pages of this nature were not flagged down which is why they stood, so I asked the moms following the page Instinctual mamas to flag the page down.
The next morning I woke up to find this..
Pardon the F bomb blurred in the background but I was annoyed :P
This was my second warning, My first was a breastfeeding pic that I got removed from a breastfeeding page, which sadly did not care when I let them know that my picture had been removed so I moved on from it..
The thing is.. yes I shared an "obscene" link, don't get me wrong I am not against nudity really those things don't scare me but the hypocrisy drives me nuts! Facebook cries that they want to keep it clean and goes on deleting sprees and had they deleted the page, then it would have been worth me getting canned for the time being if mission had been completed and that was to let them know they were allowing this page to stand.
Here is the page alive and kicking,
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Total-Sexy-Women-18/345344538847268
Not even that! It's grown 200 fans in about 36 hours..
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT... I SHARE A LINK TO A PAGE FACEBOOK IS HOSTING TO LET OTHERS FLAG IT DOWN, I GET PUNISHED FOR SHARING SUCH PAGE AND THE PAGE STILL STANDS???? HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE????
Needless to say I am livid!! And all of you moms who have been bullied by facebook's policies should!! Please continue to flag this page down!! The hypocrisy is unnerving! I feel like we all should be apologized to or at least they should wake the hell up and delete this page already and many others I am sure exist!
GET IT RIGHT FACEBOOK!!!
Sincerely one pissed off mom!
Friday, February 3, 2012
When Tandem nursing you must roll with the punches..
I've been wanting to write about tandem nursing for a bit, I've only been doing it for 3 months but ... (seriously? just 3 months?? I thought it was longer!) anyway.. things have changed so much since I wrote "my Journey to tandem nursing part I" here I am 10 months later and well things are interesting to say the least..
Let me take you through the rollercoater shall I?
I gave birth October 15th 2011 to a very hairy little one we named Briar Rhys, She was born in the water weighing 8lbs 2 oz! and though I thought she was weird looking at first (just like I thought of my other 2) She is now a beautiful smiling cooing squishy baby.
As soon as she came out she went straight to the breast! a big part was because my placenta wasn't coming out so good old nipple stimulation was needed so I nursed her and her sister had just woken up, she came and she didn't know what was going on but all she knew was that there was this mousy kid on one of her bahbah's and she at least wanted the other one while she figured it out..
So here I am laying down on a futon in my livingroom (yeah I use it as a couch and it was so handy to park myself there during labor and after) waiting on the placenta taking it all in and BAM! I got two babies suckling away.. and it was awesome! oh wait! my 22 month old just fell and wants some comfort bahbah.. *sigh...
So anyway where was I? oh yeah it was awesome, it was an accomplishment in itself... we made it through nursing through the pregnancy, through my milk drying up and now my sweet baby was getting some milkies again!
and then reality set in... This kid is a boob addict!! She wants it when she wants it and she won't take no for an answer!
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| This is what happens when I say No! |
She doesn't understand that baby needs her milkies too and to be honest.. I try not to nurse them at the same time! I know some people can do it but not me, I can handle it for a bit but then my skin starts to crawl at the feeling, especially when their suckling goes at a different rhythm.. it's like the most annoying feeling ever.. and I want to get up and walk away! (Now I understand why my cat would sometimes up and leave dragging her poor kittens still attached to her and spilling them left and right, that cat had enough!)So for the most part we try to work it out you know "roll with the punches" If I have a free boob and she wants it she can have it if I'm doing a serious nursing session where I want her sister to empty the boob as much as possible and get all the fatty milk and such we try to distract her if she wants a helping but sometimes it doesn't work so, I suck it up and nurse both for as long as I can mentally stand it. Motherhood being an act of sacrifice and all lol...
But then I see this and my heart melts!
Yes She sometimes reaches out to her and rubs her hand and holds her as if saying "Hi sister! thank you for sharing your milk with me I still need it very much!" *ok I'm teary eyed now!
So at night we all go to bed one big happy co-sleeping family Orion (22 month old) will go with her dad on his side and Briar Rhys with me on my side.. I nurse then both sometimes if they aren't asleep yet and we all go to sleep.. and then I wake up to this (I sleep topless by the way)
I am not trying to rip off "Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures" I swear! it's just that these moments I wish there was a way to take a picture of, for one there is usually no one there to see it.. (daddy leaves early for work) and also it would involve me showing you full boob which I am ok with but also a very messy room and hair and just a big hot mess that is I in the mornings before my coffee (yes I drink coffee and nurse *commence the hating) to my defense I did not become a slave to the bean as "crappy pictures" says until I had 3 kids! haah but anyway maybe her first crappy pictures post was because there are some things you can't explain other than with a crappy picture.. so anyway.. I wake up to this..
I'm laying there with the littlest nursling in the nook of my arm, and I wake up to feel a draft! No Mr. Banderas it's too early for sexy time.. go away.. oh wait what?? AHH! there is a toddler pulling the blanket away, looking at my bah bah about to latch on!! (seriously her smile in the mornings borderlines on creepy but it's actually cute and endearing) So in order to get a good extra 15-20 minutes of shut eye I let her.. that and if I don't she'll follow me around the house crying "why?? oh why?? bah bah!!!!"
So what's the point of this blog? It doesn't have one really.. this isn't to entice you to tandem, nor to steer you away, it's just my experience so far with it.. and just like with anything parenting related we must try our best and roll with it.. we can't control what we can't control, and we shouldn't control what we shouldn't control.. breastfeeding is so organic and beautiful and an adventure in itself.. take this from an ex-formula user (my poor 6 yr old but she's doing ok) The sole act of breastfeeding has made me rethink many choices and ways of thinking.. It is a truly unique experience! One that I will forever cherish and remember . What I have noticed from being a former formula user, formula is for one purpose and on purpose alone "eating" sure you can bond other ways and trust me I am not trying to put anyone down, if I read this back in 06 I would have gotten upset but now I know "the secret" while formula is about eating and baby gaining weight. breastfeeding is a relationship... it's a dance! it's the moment where you reconnect with your child and you are forced to sit down and take it all in... and well this momma is lucky to have 2 to share that with.
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I'm not gonna do human milk a disservice by saying "it isn't for everyone" because it is! but circumstances vary, education varies, situations vary, emotions vary, people are different and while I can understand why some are put off by tandem or by nursing toddlers let me just say this..
I will not criticize you if you don't criticize me! You don't have to understand this dance if you don't want to but don't expect me to understand then your point..
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This dance is a fun dance... it is rewarding, and annoying and rewarding and annoying..
If you are thinking about tandeming and nursing while pregnant reach out to la leche league, Search Kellymom.com, check out the leaky boob! and if your instincts tell you this is what you want, fight for it! you can also email me! ibbabies(at)gmail.com! I'll help with what I can!
it's not easy it's not glamorous but it is a dance worth dancing.
And with that said... I will nurse my babies and hope we go back to a world where nursing multiple babies.. or heck even nursing one baby is not a shocker anymore..
and yes... that's a slayer t-shirt ;)
Love! this rockin' momma! <3
Monday, January 16, 2012
Tummy time shmummy time!
A subject that comes up that sort of bothers me is "tummy time" this is why..
If you are parenting with instinct.. meaning you pick up your baby when they need you to, you wear them, you co-sleep and they spend minimal time on their backs YOU DON'T NEED IT!
Some babies are happy in the tummy position and some completely loathe it! and it's ok! This is the thing
When Pediatricians started the "back to sleep" campaign, encouraging parents to have babies sleep on their backs a lot of babies started spending WAAAAY to much time on their backs, detached parenting increases that time by having baby lay in bouncers, car seats, strollers, cribs and thus increasing babies with "flat heads" or Plagiocephaly
So being that parents need to be told how to parent by pediatricians (rolls eyes) they had to remind parents to actually pick up their children and put them in a position other than their backs and called it "tummy time" yaay! fun!! tummy time!! wee! so the "back to sleep tummy to play" campaign was created and it got so spread that even some AP parents believe that this is some sort of milestone or that the kid will not get into Harvard if they miss precious "tummy time".
If you co-sleep, baby wear, actually hold your baby (like I am doing now while I write this) your baby spends very little time flat on their backs and it is not very likely their little heads will flatten.
Now I am not saying "don't do tummy time!" this is not the purpose of this post, what I am saying is.. if your baby doesn't spend too much time on their backs and they absolutely HATE tummy time.. it's ok! Please don't feel like there is something wrong with your baby and by all means don't force baby into doing it! here are some great articles on tummy time
Now I am not saying "don't do tummy time!" this is not the purpose of this post, what I am saying is.. if your baby doesn't spend too much time on their backs and they absolutely HATE tummy time.. it's ok! Please don't feel like there is something wrong with your baby and by all means don't force baby into doing it! here are some great articles on tummy time
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Sgt Crunch's lonely moms club
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| I was preggo in this one lol... |
Cute title huh? I always have trouble coming up with a relevant title.. I could have a whole post and then I use the most anticlimactic title ever!
I think being more on the "crunchy" side of parenting (I am starting to hate that term but for the purposes of this post lets take it with a grain of salt shall we?) can lead to loneliness sometimes.
This was very clear to me with my second child whom I parented differently than my first, I was invited to a brunch by some old friends who are also mothers, DD#2 was about 3 months old and the brunch was a "no children" type of deal, you know the kind that lots of moms look forward to (Including myself don't get me wrong) Where they don't have to utter words like "no johnny" "Stop sticking you hand down your pants" "Stop throwing your goldfish on the floor" "come back here!" and they can relax for a bit.
Well, I wanted to see all of them but I told them that unless I could bring my nursling I could not go because my daughter didn't take a bottle therefore I was her only source of food. I expected maybe an ok, sure you can bring her! or maybe even a "well maybe next time we can do one and bring the kids" Instead I got a: "oh that's too bad, I feel sorry for you, that's why I don't breastfeed I don't like being tied down".
WHAAAAA??? really? well too bad for her baby I guess if that's the only reason she didn't breastfeed.
After that message I didn't feel bad about not going, I mean it was lame and it stung a bit but I figured I'd let the smug in me take over and tell myself I was better off anyway.
There's plenty of times where I can't go somewhere that was not child friendly because of not being able to leave them, but that's not my complain really, I mean it wont be like this forever and nowadays my mind set is that of enjoying a quiet evening with my family who is my everything than to do anything else, there will be plenty of time for that later.
My complain is that it tends to alienate others around me, especially other mothers it could be because they feel uncomfortable or it could be because I feel uncomfortable it really goes both ways.. So I get lonely, I have a handful of friends who do come and visit us and I love them so much for that the adult interaction keeps my sanity in check.
On a day to day basis though I thank my lucky stars for all the like minded mommy friends I have found, they make me laugh and cry and feel not so lonely.. it's like I have a family out there all over the globe.. I wish I could meet them all in person just to give them a hug but for now this is good enough for me , I want them to know that they're not alone either I'm here for them as well...
Do you have an online bff?? have you ever gotten to physically meet them?
Monday, January 2, 2012
Happy New Year!
Boy it's been a crazy year! Another homebirth, tandem nursing, a growing business, death of loved ones :(
I have not been here much because well, life got too crazy and my priorities changed.. I also started getting jaded with the "blogosphere" particularly parenting related blogs, why? Because people have so many different opinions and beliefs and who is one to say that one has all the answers? I no longer care to read about how telling your kid about the tooth faerie is lying to them or how you must ban the color pink from your house.. or preachings of being gentle (which are good but realistically and in all honesty it doesn't always work that way) I would much rather take advice from parents of adult children who are awesome people.. so that I can take in some knowledge from them, than to listen to a parent of a 10 month old about how they got this whole parenting figured out completely.
We are all constantly changing and growing, the fact that we have children doesn't mean we are done learning ourselves, we will learn new things, change our minds, start anew each day.. we will make mistakes and perhaps have regrets but it's all part of growing, we are far from perfect.
I want to start blogging again though.. I am not sure if I ever came across as preachy or like I had it all figured out.. if I did I apologize and if I didn't .. Phew! I want to continue to put my thoughts out there for whoever wants to read them .... and perhaps if blogger is around that long... as a way my children can go back and have an insight as to how much their mom loved them and how silly and crazy she was though I think they would know that anyway as I damn hope I live to see my great grandkids.. though no one has guarantees on that but I'll be optimistic :)
Anyway... Here's to 2012 and hope you don't mind seeing more of me :)
A mommy to 3 drama queens :)
I have not been here much because well, life got too crazy and my priorities changed.. I also started getting jaded with the "blogosphere" particularly parenting related blogs, why? Because people have so many different opinions and beliefs and who is one to say that one has all the answers? I no longer care to read about how telling your kid about the tooth faerie is lying to them or how you must ban the color pink from your house.. or preachings of being gentle (which are good but realistically and in all honesty it doesn't always work that way) I would much rather take advice from parents of adult children who are awesome people.. so that I can take in some knowledge from them, than to listen to a parent of a 10 month old about how they got this whole parenting figured out completely.
We are all constantly changing and growing, the fact that we have children doesn't mean we are done learning ourselves, we will learn new things, change our minds, start anew each day.. we will make mistakes and perhaps have regrets but it's all part of growing, we are far from perfect.
I want to start blogging again though.. I am not sure if I ever came across as preachy or like I had it all figured out.. if I did I apologize and if I didn't .. Phew! I want to continue to put my thoughts out there for whoever wants to read them .... and perhaps if blogger is around that long... as a way my children can go back and have an insight as to how much their mom loved them and how silly and crazy she was though I think they would know that anyway as I damn hope I live to see my great grandkids.. though no one has guarantees on that but I'll be optimistic :)
Anyway... Here's to 2012 and hope you don't mind seeing more of me :)
A mommy to 3 drama queens :)
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| photo courtesy of paiphotography.com |
Monday, October 24, 2011
DD#3 History repeats itself.. (a birth story)
If you know me, or have stumbled unto my previous birth stories you know that birthing my first daughter wasn't what I had hoped for. It was a birth center transfer to a hospital your typical: membranes ruptured, labor didn't start right away, 24 hours passed so here comes the hospital!!, got pitocin and an epidural as well as a baby in the special care unit for 3 days with an IV of antibiotics :( Boo!! anyway...
I had a healing birth with my second daughter, a long homebirth that was amazing and empowering, everything I had hoped it would be and nearly perfect. I always thought It was like I had my "do over" like this birth made up for my first... boy..... was I wrong!!
It was early morning Friday 4am more or less (the day after my "due date") .. my 18 month old had a cold so she woke up in the middle of the night to nurse, (I nursed through my pregnancy) She snuggled next to me nursed, rolled over and went back to sleep she had me at the edge of the bed but as bed sharing families know it's something you get used to. I was trying to fall back asleep when I felt that familiar gush, ahhh! my water had broken! what are the odds of that happening again!! I was very calm as I knew what this meant, labor was imminent but given my last experience with membranes rupturing before active labor started I also knew it could mean I would still have to wait.. although part of me didn't want to believe that.. I mean./. what are the odds of my body doing the same thing it did 5 and a half years ago right?
I woke up my husband who helped me out of the bed and handed me towels to help me get to the bathroom.. We both went back to the bedroom to try to go back to sleep until labor started or the sun came up, whichever came first. I couldn't sleep though I was starving and excited, I ate a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich and some soy milk, went of facebook and then thought; what if labor starts now? So I called the midwife to give her a "heads up" I did not go back to sleep due to the excitement..
finally everyone was awake and so we cleaned the house, ate breakfast etc and nothing was happening, evening came and so we walked around the beach, walked around the block and nothing was happening.. I was having sporadic contractions but nothing too strong and nothing to indicate labor had begun I was getting VERY frustrated... I knew it could even take a couple of days before labor started and that as long as I got nothing going up my risk for infection was low.. this reminded me soo much of my first birth.. why couldn't I have labor after my water broke I felt for a moment like I wasn't normal! I started to wonder if I was going to end up at the hospital again I was very frustrated and angry but my midwife assured me that labor would come..
the whole day I tried to rest but laying down would bring contractions.. at some points I would lay down on purpose to see if this would kick start labor but once I would stand up .. nothing! Resting or sleeping? forget about it! as soon as I would drift I would get woken up by a contraction as well.. night time came and contractions started picking up but they were not regular.. at around 11pm I told everyone to go to sleep no sense in having them be tired for when I really needed them (my mom and hubby) I did however tell my husband to stay in the livingroom with me and sleep on the futon that we use as a couch, I did not want to be by myself in the livingroom.. there is something so depressing and scary about being in pain and alone while everyone sleeps. I've had to do that twice before.. once with a tooth ache and another time with a bad UTI, it horrifies me. He managed to sleep, I don't know exactly when but sometime after that contractions started coming hard..
I was sitting on a glider chair, watching TV and I would feel a contraction. I went from taking them silently to feeling the need to vocalize with them.. I would close my eyes and let go a long "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" The "ah" peaking at the most painful and the "mm" becoming silent as the contraction disappeared. I spend a good amount of time like this.. from the chair to the bathroom to relieve my bladder.. all the while being scared to get a contraction on the toilet.. there is something about contractions on the toilet F*ck! they hurt!
at about 3am all of this had exhausted me.. I had not slept in almost 24 hours and the night before I had only slept 4! as a matter of fact I had slept horrible the past few nights.. heartburn, movement, full bladder, prodromal labor.. exhausted was an understatement at 3:30am my hubby woke up because I had a very strong contraction which made me louder.. he stayed up after that.. at about 3:45am I started crying I told him I was so tired and maybe we should throw in the towel and go to the hospital maybe I could get an epidural and some pitocin to get my labor going (when I think back I realize I must have been delirious with lack of sleep to think I wasn't already in labor) See I wasn't crying because of the pain I cried because I wanted to sleep but it was impossible at that point.
at around 4am I started getting more painful and more constant contractions, I had downloaded one of those timer apps on my phone but I never got the famous "5 mins apart" deal.. which was frustrating at this point I was sure they HAD to be 5 mins apart.. they just HAD to.. I was not going to listen to anything telling me otherwise.. SO I called the midwife. (poor midwives get woken up at all kinds of crazy hours if you see a midwife hug her! lol) She got to my house in 15 minutes!!!! turns out she was sleeping at a her SO's house nearby, she assessed me, baby was good (what a relief as I was also worried about that) I was good, and she checked my progress.. she did tell me thought that once I got that pelvic I had to have that baby as she was introducing bacteria, I was 3-4cm 70% effaced and baby was engaged CRAP!!!! only 3-4 cm??? WTF?? I was thinking of how long my last labor was and thought at this rate I was in it for the long haul.. not something I wanted to think about or was willing to deal with ....... but I had to. While she was there she was trying to time my contractions but lo and behold they stopped! It was like a I got labor stage fright, I was so embarrassed and angry at myself, but she said no big deal.. take your time I'll be close by. She left again and told me to call her when they became 4 minutes apart and were like that for a while.
5am came and I tried eating but I only felt like barfing... so my hubby put "caprica" on netflix and we started watching I would drift off to sleep on the glider and wake up to another contraction... drift off and wake up again, the next 3 hours included a lot of trips to the bathroom and more dozing off and what became my best friend.. a rice pack I would microwave to place on my lower back. at around 8am I got stronger, closer and constant contractions.. at one point I cried "I can't do this fuck!! fuck!! I can't" and hubby replied "We can call the midwife now" not only were they close enough together but those were what we were looking for.,
I had him call her as I was "in the zone" and could not deal with being on the phone at that moment.. she gave him instructions to have me go into the bathroom tub to slow things a bit and help me labor until I could transfer to the big tub. at this point time was not something that seemed to matter or exist.. I had no idea how long of a time frame it was.. I only know from reading my records.
I got into the bathtub and it helped a great deal, I kept getting 4-3 minute apart waves... and in between them I started blacking out.. I was so exhausted my body apparently did what you do to a cell phone when you need it and the battery is about to die and you're nowhere near a charger. You know what I mean? you try to prolong the life of it by turning it off and turning it on only to check voice mails or make a quick call. That's what my body was doing to me.. I would black out and fall asleep my husband said my eyes were rolling to the back of my head, and I would wake up with each contraction. this part is such a blur.. if you were to look at it from my angle you would see black then tile... then black.. then tile... over and over again. Midwife got there and started setting up and my hubby went to finish filling the big tub I kept blacking out and having contractions and all of a sudden ..
I got one then another then another.. 3 in a row! my hubby walked in and said "do you want to wait until after the next contraction to move to the big tub?" My brain immediately turned back on and I realized this was it.. the break you get before you start pushing a small period where you don't get a contraction at all.. so I told him no! We have to go NOW! I got out and into the big tub... oh my goodness it was bliss! I got 2 contractions that made me feel like pushing I got scared for a second.. at that point your body is taking over the pushing and you can't control it.. and it's scary.. but if you let it happen it'll be much better and faster and so I gave in right away.. the feeling was familiar.. I let go of my body and in return I got peace.
I always wondered why some women in birthing videos were so quiet when pushing the baby out.. did it not hurt for them? I didn't get it.. but this time around i did.. once I let go and let my body do its things I got peace the pain stopped completely.. I got really quiet, I got on all fours as I remembered from my last birth that this position was comfortable for pushing and I pushed half of it was my body and the other half my efforts.. and baby crowned.. I told my midwife and husband "she's coming" and indeed she was.. my husband reached in and I pushed one more time and out she came.. it was over! I immediately felt relief, and joy.
They put her on my chest and she didn't breathe right away but no one really panicked well at least I didn't feel like anyone was, I felt calm.. she wasn't purple and the cord was still providing oxygen, we stimulated her and our midwife blew some oxygen in her face, finally she had to take out some mucus out with an aspirator but even then it was through the nose and gently not shoved down her throat like all hospitals seem to like doing to poor little babies.
We hung out there but I wasn't delivering the placenta so I got out and I nursed her on the futon in our living room right alongside my 18 month old.. and that brought the contractions needed to deliver a perfect 40 week placenta and an almost perfectly whole bag of waters that had one hole in it, it was quite amazing. (if you're into that kind of thing lol)
Overall I think this birth was PERFECT! slow start but once it got started it was fast paced, the pain was not overwhelming, I didn't tear, I loved that for the most part it was just my husband and I .. very little intervention from our awesome midwife just as I wanted. Just 3 days post partum I felt great!!! I still do! by far the easiest birth ever and..... believe it or not... I can't wait to do it again! well.. maybe... ask me again in at least 2 years lol.... Once again I didn't get many pictures of the birth.. I realized that having someone snap pictures of me while in labor is not my thing.. I can't have too many people at my side when I'm in labor the less the better in my case but it's ok that's just the way I am.
this is how birth should be! Intimate, empowering, exhilarating, healing! Birth is awesome! :)
So here's my little one.. Baby Briar, Born 10-15-2011 9:33am 8lbs 2oz
I had a healing birth with my second daughter, a long homebirth that was amazing and empowering, everything I had hoped it would be and nearly perfect. I always thought It was like I had my "do over" like this birth made up for my first... boy..... was I wrong!!
It was early morning Friday 4am more or less (the day after my "due date") .. my 18 month old had a cold so she woke up in the middle of the night to nurse, (I nursed through my pregnancy) She snuggled next to me nursed, rolled over and went back to sleep she had me at the edge of the bed but as bed sharing families know it's something you get used to. I was trying to fall back asleep when I felt that familiar gush, ahhh! my water had broken! what are the odds of that happening again!! I was very calm as I knew what this meant, labor was imminent but given my last experience with membranes rupturing before active labor started I also knew it could mean I would still have to wait.. although part of me didn't want to believe that.. I mean./. what are the odds of my body doing the same thing it did 5 and a half years ago right?
I woke up my husband who helped me out of the bed and handed me towels to help me get to the bathroom.. We both went back to the bedroom to try to go back to sleep until labor started or the sun came up, whichever came first. I couldn't sleep though I was starving and excited, I ate a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich and some soy milk, went of facebook and then thought; what if labor starts now? So I called the midwife to give her a "heads up" I did not go back to sleep due to the excitement..
finally everyone was awake and so we cleaned the house, ate breakfast etc and nothing was happening, evening came and so we walked around the beach, walked around the block and nothing was happening.. I was having sporadic contractions but nothing too strong and nothing to indicate labor had begun I was getting VERY frustrated... I knew it could even take a couple of days before labor started and that as long as I got nothing going up my risk for infection was low.. this reminded me soo much of my first birth.. why couldn't I have labor after my water broke I felt for a moment like I wasn't normal! I started to wonder if I was going to end up at the hospital again I was very frustrated and angry but my midwife assured me that labor would come..
the whole day I tried to rest but laying down would bring contractions.. at some points I would lay down on purpose to see if this would kick start labor but once I would stand up .. nothing! Resting or sleeping? forget about it! as soon as I would drift I would get woken up by a contraction as well.. night time came and contractions started picking up but they were not regular.. at around 11pm I told everyone to go to sleep no sense in having them be tired for when I really needed them (my mom and hubby) I did however tell my husband to stay in the livingroom with me and sleep on the futon that we use as a couch, I did not want to be by myself in the livingroom.. there is something so depressing and scary about being in pain and alone while everyone sleeps. I've had to do that twice before.. once with a tooth ache and another time with a bad UTI, it horrifies me. He managed to sleep, I don't know exactly when but sometime after that contractions started coming hard..
I was sitting on a glider chair, watching TV and I would feel a contraction. I went from taking them silently to feeling the need to vocalize with them.. I would close my eyes and let go a long "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" The "ah" peaking at the most painful and the "mm" becoming silent as the contraction disappeared. I spend a good amount of time like this.. from the chair to the bathroom to relieve my bladder.. all the while being scared to get a contraction on the toilet.. there is something about contractions on the toilet F*ck! they hurt!
at about 3am all of this had exhausted me.. I had not slept in almost 24 hours and the night before I had only slept 4! as a matter of fact I had slept horrible the past few nights.. heartburn, movement, full bladder, prodromal labor.. exhausted was an understatement at 3:30am my hubby woke up because I had a very strong contraction which made me louder.. he stayed up after that.. at about 3:45am I started crying I told him I was so tired and maybe we should throw in the towel and go to the hospital maybe I could get an epidural and some pitocin to get my labor going (when I think back I realize I must have been delirious with lack of sleep to think I wasn't already in labor) See I wasn't crying because of the pain I cried because I wanted to sleep but it was impossible at that point.
at around 4am I started getting more painful and more constant contractions, I had downloaded one of those timer apps on my phone but I never got the famous "5 mins apart" deal.. which was frustrating at this point I was sure they HAD to be 5 mins apart.. they just HAD to.. I was not going to listen to anything telling me otherwise.. SO I called the midwife. (poor midwives get woken up at all kinds of crazy hours if you see a midwife hug her! lol) She got to my house in 15 minutes!!!! turns out she was sleeping at a her SO's house nearby, she assessed me, baby was good (what a relief as I was also worried about that) I was good, and she checked my progress.. she did tell me thought that once I got that pelvic I had to have that baby as she was introducing bacteria, I was 3-4cm 70% effaced and baby was engaged CRAP!!!! only 3-4 cm??? WTF?? I was thinking of how long my last labor was and thought at this rate I was in it for the long haul.. not something I wanted to think about or was willing to deal with ....... but I had to. While she was there she was trying to time my contractions but lo and behold they stopped! It was like a I got labor stage fright, I was so embarrassed and angry at myself, but she said no big deal.. take your time I'll be close by. She left again and told me to call her when they became 4 minutes apart and were like that for a while.
5am came and I tried eating but I only felt like barfing... so my hubby put "caprica" on netflix and we started watching I would drift off to sleep on the glider and wake up to another contraction... drift off and wake up again, the next 3 hours included a lot of trips to the bathroom and more dozing off and what became my best friend.. a rice pack I would microwave to place on my lower back. at around 8am I got stronger, closer and constant contractions.. at one point I cried "I can't do this fuck!! fuck!! I can't" and hubby replied "We can call the midwife now" not only were they close enough together but those were what we were looking for.,
I had him call her as I was "in the zone" and could not deal with being on the phone at that moment.. she gave him instructions to have me go into the bathroom tub to slow things a bit and help me labor until I could transfer to the big tub. at this point time was not something that seemed to matter or exist.. I had no idea how long of a time frame it was.. I only know from reading my records.
I got into the bathtub and it helped a great deal, I kept getting 4-3 minute apart waves... and in between them I started blacking out.. I was so exhausted my body apparently did what you do to a cell phone when you need it and the battery is about to die and you're nowhere near a charger. You know what I mean? you try to prolong the life of it by turning it off and turning it on only to check voice mails or make a quick call. That's what my body was doing to me.. I would black out and fall asleep my husband said my eyes were rolling to the back of my head, and I would wake up with each contraction. this part is such a blur.. if you were to look at it from my angle you would see black then tile... then black.. then tile... over and over again. Midwife got there and started setting up and my hubby went to finish filling the big tub I kept blacking out and having contractions and all of a sudden ..
I got one then another then another.. 3 in a row! my hubby walked in and said "do you want to wait until after the next contraction to move to the big tub?" My brain immediately turned back on and I realized this was it.. the break you get before you start pushing a small period where you don't get a contraction at all.. so I told him no! We have to go NOW! I got out and into the big tub... oh my goodness it was bliss! I got 2 contractions that made me feel like pushing I got scared for a second.. at that point your body is taking over the pushing and you can't control it.. and it's scary.. but if you let it happen it'll be much better and faster and so I gave in right away.. the feeling was familiar.. I let go of my body and in return I got peace.
I always wondered why some women in birthing videos were so quiet when pushing the baby out.. did it not hurt for them? I didn't get it.. but this time around i did.. once I let go and let my body do its things I got peace the pain stopped completely.. I got really quiet, I got on all fours as I remembered from my last birth that this position was comfortable for pushing and I pushed half of it was my body and the other half my efforts.. and baby crowned.. I told my midwife and husband "she's coming" and indeed she was.. my husband reached in and I pushed one more time and out she came.. it was over! I immediately felt relief, and joy.
We hung out there but I wasn't delivering the placenta so I got out and I nursed her on the futon in our living room right alongside my 18 month old.. and that brought the contractions needed to deliver a perfect 40 week placenta and an almost perfectly whole bag of waters that had one hole in it, it was quite amazing. (if you're into that kind of thing lol)
Overall I think this birth was PERFECT! slow start but once it got started it was fast paced, the pain was not overwhelming, I didn't tear, I loved that for the most part it was just my husband and I .. very little intervention from our awesome midwife just as I wanted. Just 3 days post partum I felt great!!! I still do! by far the easiest birth ever and..... believe it or not... I can't wait to do it again! well.. maybe... ask me again in at least 2 years lol.... Once again I didn't get many pictures of the birth.. I realized that having someone snap pictures of me while in labor is not my thing.. I can't have too many people at my side when I'm in labor the less the better in my case but it's ok that's just the way I am.
this is how birth should be! Intimate, empowering, exhilarating, healing! Birth is awesome! :)
So here's my little one.. Baby Briar, Born 10-15-2011 9:33am 8lbs 2oz
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| DD#3 with DD#1 |
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