Ramblings of a semi goth/punk, out of the ordinary and often crazy Latina mom refusing to be mainstream, change starts with parenting the next generation ;)
Friday, February 4, 2011
The Hot Blonde in the room..
You're going to a party, you change your outfit a bunch of times only to end up with your first choice, you accessorize, do your hair and make up and you still feel kinda cruddy.. but you go to the party.. after a drink or 2 or maybe after just hanging out more you feel more at ease.. you compare yourself to others and you say this isn't so bad, I'm glad I came.. I'm actually one of the better looking ones.
And the she walks in.... She walks in so confident, just a little black dress nothing overdone, it looks like she only took 10 minutes to get ready... the people that know her flock to her because she's a cool chick to hang out with, she's very outgoing, heck even some of your friends abandon you to go chat with her.. and you're left thinking.. BITCH!
See she didn't really do anything to you, she just showed up and your own insecurities make you think she is hogging all the attention, you start fantasizing that she is such an arrogant bitch, that people are just being nice to her because she is pretty.. you start fantasizing that she must be dumb, that her boobs are fake, and wouldn't mind hearing some nasty gossip about her.. some of your friends feel the same way so you start flocking together..giving her dirty looks and your night is ruined.
This is how I think one must feel when you get that "I gave birth at home" or "I had an unmedicated birth" lady be it in a conversation, in a forum, running into her blog.. etc.
One tries to validate themselves by creating passive aggressive articles like I had an epidural. And I liked it it's like talking smack about the blonde yet saying you are happy with yourself. If you are happy why do you have to constantly be looking at the blonde or thinking she even knows you exist..
Or completely misinformed ones like Another reason to get an epidural in that one the author clearly is misinformed and obviously only did selective research (btw maybe the epidural prevents future incontincence but that catheter certainly defeats that purpose) People who are blinded by being so set with their choice tend to read only what stands out to them and completely misquote or worse not quote at all! making gullible readers think she is saying the truth.. in this case it's like spreading gossip about the blonde in hopes that you will feel better and everyone will agree with you.
The reply from the "hot blonde" (and remember to take the comparison with a grain of salt.. If you are thinking I am saying natural birth is better than yours... you might want to read from the beginning again as you are missing the point) Would be this Natural Birth isn't about getting a gold star, She is right.. someones choices have nothing to do with you!
Someones response there included this
"In my personal experiences and observations I have noticed that mothers who have chosen the med free option think they are better. It's seems kind of like "I would never think of putting anything other than name brand clothing on my kids. And anyone who does is not worthy of being a parent". And yes, i'm aware clothing and medical decisions are not the same. "
Ok.. her point.. I will roll with it but it just proves the blonde theory..
I DO have friends that put nothing on their children except for Gymboree or whatever they feel it the best for their child and while it did bug me in the beginning, once I figured out that I kinda liked my circo brand from target I let it slide.. Oh I know! Gymboree is super cool! I can't afford it myself but if you can treat them to that then why not!
I gave birth with an epidural, and at home.. I liked the home one better, I just did! I used to be jealous of the women who could do it and wished I could and I did.. and now that I know what it feels like I can honestly say it was worth it for me! ..
In that same quote she talked about "the club" of course that natural birthers would find some sort of sisterhood in sharing similar experiences.. think of sorority sisters, war veterans, first ladies, teachers, mountain climbers, marathon runners.. all people who share an experience that the average person does not..
it doesn't mean you can't attain it yourself... if you chose to.
and if you don't it's ok too!
Go back to the blonde simile. Now think about how much better it would be if you introduced yourself, you learned more about her, maybe you'll find you have other things in common! Maybe you'll like her!
Maybe you decided you too have been the hot blonde on different occasions..
The point of this is.. like I said again and again.. be secure with your choices! If you like them, don't judge others that did things different, don't feel attack when their stating an opinion or just being themselves..
There's 2 sides to the coin my friends..
I know it's wishful thinking to want peace in the mommy world but rest assured..
We are not all bashing other births when we get into groups.. we don't bash women who get epidurals, we share birth stories and we bash the doctors who don't care about giving a woman the experience she deserves. If you tell us your story we will listen.. we might question the Dr's decisions.. but not yours! After all you went in there wanting to have everything go as smoothly as possible and experience the miracle of birth whether our outcomes were different.. it doesn't matter.. what matters is that YOU are happy and that Baby is too.
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Ooooh, I'm the hot blonde in your scenario!ReplyDelete
Well, kinda. I had one epidural and actually DID go for a second but after 30 minutes of trying to get it in, it kinked in my spine and was worthless, so I KIND of had a natural second birth, I guess?
Anyway, I love your analogy, and it's so true.
Bravo - I agree. It was recently brought to my attention that I sounded like an "OB and epidural-birth basher" because I highly promote natural birth and the midwifery movement. The truth is that I'm only trying to educate women on a choice that is NOT given as freely as the choice to have a medicated birth. The truth is women don't realize there is another way. And once presented with the facts I hope she can then make the choices that are right for her. Know what I mean?ReplyDelete
So I've been trying to be careful what I say and how I say it. I've had two epidurals births and one natural birth and YES I do prefer the natural birth. All of them were at a hospital. Hoping bean #4 is a home birth or birth center birth.
Great post! I think YOU get a gold star. ;-)
I love this! Great post. I completely know what you mean. After Bug was born by c-section, we had play dates with a friend who'd given birth at home. I was in AWE of her, and didn't believe for a second that I was capable of the same thing. Well now I have given birth at home, and like you said it, it was so worth it for me. Great post! Sharing!ReplyDelete